


This Tender Gravity

by angeldescendant



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga), 君の名は。| Kimi no Na wa. | Your Name.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Humor, Eiji's backstory is not a happy backstory, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Izumo roadtrip, Kimi no Na wa AU, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Recovery, Some bits taken from Fly Boy in the Sky, body switching
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 58,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15724065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeldescendant/pseuds/angeldescendant
Summary: Eiji and Ash switch bodies. They try rolling with it as they go along.





	1. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted my Kimi no Na Wa AU. And when I read Banana Fish, 80’s historical research be damned, I had to make it happen!

* * *

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* * *

 

  
  
Basically, it was not Eiji’s day. He blew his chance yet again.

 

He knew his coach still had enough patience though to keep him on the team despite the slump. His team mates were incredulous as well, asking him what happened to ‘Fly Boy’, a nickname Eiji was starting to tune out the more losses he sprinkled to his already shitty record.

 

“You’re making up stuff again,” one of his friends chided him during their common break. They decided to eat at the grounds, to Eiji’s chagrin because of a great spot overlooking the field. The baseball team were doing their laps. “It’s just a slump, no biggie.”

 

“Don’t jinx it,” Eiji told him before sipping on his protein shake. “It’s been going on for _ages_. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. I’m training thrice as hard, overpreparing before the competitions but it still keeps happening.”

 

“What did your coach say?” another one of his mates asked him.

 

“He’s… pretty chill actually-“

 

His friends groaned.

 

“What the hell, man? Then why are you making such a big deal out of it? Jeez, I thought he’ll be kicking you off the team-“

 

“You all sound like my mom,” he pouted. Seriously, he needed friends who were hard on him so he’d actually make progress. “If I don’t improve, I’ll seriously be kicked out.”

 

“It’s just your third loss this season! You’re too paranoid. So what? You got a kickass record. The coach knows it too, that’s why he’s giving you another chance-“

 

“What if I blow it? Guys, don’t coddle me dammit! I won’t improve if you keep doing this to me!”

 

“Because you’re too hard on yourself Eiji!” all of them shouted in unison, to their shock as well. All of them then started to laugh.

 

“For once,” his best friend said. “Pretend you know what you’re doing. Walk it all off. You’re freaking Fly Boy! Don’t make us say it again.”

 

“Of course I won’t make you call me that again, gosh and don’t bring that godawful poster in the competition next month! Maybe it really is all your fault! You didn’t have to put my face on it, so embarrassing!”

 

* * *

 

Eiji came home and saw his sister lounging about and hogging a quarter of their dingy dining area, the TV in full force.

“Ain’t this cool?” she said, pointing at the familiar Mafia goon in a suit and fedora. “I really wanna go to New York and meet Don frigging Corleone-“

 

“You can go now,” Eiji pouted. “You’re hogging the room again. Did you even make food when you came back?”

 

Her sister yawned and rolled over her back. Her tummy was bulging as she resurfaced.

 

“We don’t have that kind of shit over in Japan,” she proceeded to ignore her turn in making dinner that day. Eiji looked over their massive but empty fridge and decided to make Omurice. He also began heating water for _miso_.

 

“What about the Yakuza though?”

 

“Eh, those guys have freaking tattoos and cut off fingers... not sophisticated at all.”

 

“You’re too _loud_ nee-san, geez...” The Yakuza weren’t people to be trifled with, especially with how Japan was currently experiencing rapid economic growth. If his sister was serious, she can book a ticket to New York for _two_ despite her job as a sales clerk. The Yakuza were one of the main backbones of their bustling economy whether he liked it or not. If a single one of them heard her, he might end up getting mixed up with their business and that was the last thing he needed. He did not know shit about guns and he didn’t want to know.

 

“Gosh, you sound just like mom. You always take things too seriously y’know?” his sister laughed. “Maybe this is why you’re losing all of the time. What happened to the preppy baby brother I know?”

 

“I-I’m not a baby stop it!” Eiji didn’t know if the ketchup was redder than his cheeks and was keen to hide his face from his sister as he laid her his usual giant serving. “I don’t know… maybe you’re right. I’m starting to become so uptight nowadays…” It was starting to become a pain, even during his part time. His manager kept reminding him to smile when he was taking orders. “The season’s getting to me.”

 

“Maybe you need to take a break,” his sister said nonchalantly. She then began to scrummage the fridge for her leftover Corona. “I heard uncle’s going to NYC. Dunno when though. As much as I want to come and meet the godfathers of New York, I think you deserve it more. I also saw your stash of pics. Is that girl your-“

 

“Don’t look over my stuff, geez sis. Respect my privacy…” Eiji moaned. “And can’t go to New York as I please. I’m in college and I need to practice-“ he stopped. He was letting his losses get to him and making him doubt his skills. “I guess you’re right… maybe, it’s just weird for me, I guess I got too overconfident. You guys praised me all the time, so it got to my head. Then when I started to lose… Ah, shit, I’m overthinking again.”

 

His sister said nothing as she snagged another large chunk of food. Eiji poured more tea and let the silence blanket them completely. His head was still pounding though. He really was letting the negativity get to him.

 

“I’ll wash up, Ei-chan.” His sister stood up when they finished. “Sleep on it. Mom called earlier. She’s ok with you going home this weekend. Told me the bad air in Tokyo must be getting to you.”

 

Eiji laughed. “I really did get it from her.”

 

* * *

 

Maybe he should just quit. He was letting it poison him, his fears of hitting that damn ceiling was making him queasy, turning his legs to jelly before he even pushes that pole for lift-off.

 

Instead of avoiding that dose of reality, he should add that swig of acceptance in the mix tomorrow. If it doesn’t work out in the next competition, he shouldn’t stress over it too much and let it vilify him. He was Eiji Okamura, dammit. He needed to bring his old self back and smile! He shouldn’t let this drama drag him down!

 

Light was falling on his face by the time he squinted himself awake. He looked at his right to check the alarm clock but couldn’t spot it. Sleep was too overpowering, so he reaches out his hand and-

 

Air. Nothing but air. He blinked rapidly again. The light wasn’t from the sun at all, but from the fluorescent bulb in the ceiling. He raised his body. What was happening. Shit. Where was he. He turned around. There was no window, only brick walls all around. A narrow passage was behind him. On the foot of his bed was a study table with a humble collection of books. There were a few books strewn on the floor as well… What. What was going on here?

 

He stood up and accidentally tripped on the red trainers who were anxiously waiting for him on the bed. He felt a quick shot of pain on his forehead and let out a small cry.

 

“Why are my jeans _ripped_?” he found his mouth sputtering in horror. His arms- his arms looked pale as well. _Was he kidnapped?_ _Did the Yakuza overhear my stupid sister?_ _Where is she?_

 

“Yo, you ok?” he heard someone call out from that phantom passageway. Eiji immediately froze. There was a strange twang to that person’s voice. _It wasn’t Japanese. Shit. These people weren’t- this place isn’t- this still must be Japan. Right? Right?_

“Hey man, woah, really woke up to the wrong side of bed tonight. You should have a look at that.”

 

It was only then that he felt his a quick spurt of pain in his forehead. Blood was starting to trickle.

 

“Must’ve been a literal nail on the head.” Eiji immediately backtracked at the voice of the man, who under the light was wearing ripped jeans as well and a garish Rolling Stones shirt. He definitely looked Asian though. His skin, though pale wasn’t as pink as his was- and his mohawk was still black. “You look like you saw a ghost. What’s wrong with you?” He then began to laugh. “Come on up, man. Let’s go see if someone knows first aid around here.”

 

“T-Thanks-“ He covered his mouth immediately. He was speaking _English_. And fluent English at that.

 

“Dude, seriously, did you have a nightmare or something?” Mr. Sunglasses then opened the door. “I should also apologize to Skip for getting a spare set of keys. I wanted to spook you on Halloween but it’s a good thing, right? You ok, man? The floor did a good one on you…”

 

Eiji gasped as he opened the door. A bright-red sunset stretched above and buildings encroached his view. This is definitely not Japan…

 

“Man, where the hell is Skip? Must be out at the usual with the others… You should treat me this time. I’ve been a reliable friend to you for the past week, despite my duties in Chinatown. Treat me to that hotdog stand, the one you kept raving about-“

 

“I don’t-“ Eiji followed him, unable to make a coherent sentence because he really was not… he shouldn’t say anything stupid. He must not be in Japan anymore, judging by the narrow bricked buildings, the gratuitous graffiti, and the lack of Japanese.

 

They then went downstairs a dilapidated dump. Graffiti remained plastered even at the stairs as they trotted down. His blood immediately ran cold. He wasn’t tied up, surprisingly. Maybe he can make a run for it. This Chinese (he must be, right? He mentioned Chinatown) seemed nice, but he did not have a good feeling the moment he opened the door.

 

The people there didn’t look like nice men at all.

 

“The hell are you waiting for? Come on, there must be a first aid kit somewhere…”

 

“Shouldn’t we be going to a hospital, uh-“

 

“Nah, pretty sure the owner of this place is used to seeing blood here all the time-“ he laughed. “Seriously though, what’s with the hands in sides schtick? Did the hit on the head make you all polite and shit?”

 

Both of them then went inside a larger room with better lighting. The place was pretty packed. Two pool tables had players focused on their balls. Only two seats were occupied at the long counter of the bar as well.

 

“Boss, what happened to you?” a child said to him. He stared at him as well. This child definitely wasn’t Asian. _Boss, what?_

“I’ll buy us some drinks. Give him a quick check-up, Skip. The fall earlier might have done something to him.”

 

He did not understand but his stomach started to get queasy, not from the smell of booze and smoke that was permanently part of the place, or the people- because so far, despite their hard looks, the Chinese man and Skip seemed nice. It was weird. They must be mistaking him for someone else. He couldn’t be- but- his hands… everyone also seemed shorter than usual-

 

“Sorry, Boss. You told me to go on ahead here, I didn’t think-“

 

“Am I, am I really your boss? You must be mistaken?” Eiji ended up whispering to Skip’s ear.

 

By then, the child gave him the same reaction the mohawk man gave him earlier. “Oh my gosh, the floor really did a good one on you!”

 

“What’s wrong, Boss?” some of the people with cigarettes began to come closer. Why were all of them looking at him? Holy crap, what was happening? He couldn’t help but hold Skip in front of him, to the child’s surprise.

 

“W-Why are you all calling me Boss?” Eiji stammered as he started to inch closer to the door. “I-I think you got the wrong person.”

 

All of them looked at each other before finally starting to laugh. Almost everyone were now flooding closer and closer to see the commotion.

 

“Too early to do an April Fools, Boss!”

 

“G-Good effort though-“

 

“I got the first aid, what did I miss?” Mohawk man then sang out before looking around. “What’s up?”

 

“I-I-“ Shit, if these people find out the truth- But if they do believe he was someone else… he needed a mirror, definitely, and a freaking telephone. “Who am I again?”

 

Mohawk man’s laugh was the loudest in the din. He gave the medicine kit to Skip and threw an arm around Eiji, to his surprise. “Man, this is like all those radio soaps. Let’s play along guys. Poor Ash here landed his head on the floor during nap time. Definitely out of it.”

 

“Ash?” The stifling reality came like a freezing gust of wind as he took a mirror from one of the bar waitresses. He wasn’t Eiji. This- he wasn’t Eiji?

 

“Ash Lynx, gunslinger extraordinaire, and Boss of Manhattan,” he sang out. “Pretty sure you just suffered short-term amnesia or something. If you were _not_ Ash, then the Magnum wouldn’t be strapped to your back.”

 

Eiji was shaking as he slowly pulled out a heavy object from his back. He was too enveloped with shock to notice it sooner. He looked at it in wonder. It was a gun. A _real, real_ gun.

 

“So cool…” he managed to spew out. Everyone in the room continued laughing and cheering. They also made sure to get out of the way when the gun pointed at their direction.

 

“You running for the Academy now, man?” Shorter- at least that was the name the other guys called him- roared along with the rest. “Yo, fetch us some beer. Drinks are on me, folks. Dunno about you guys, but I know ‘Best Actor’ when I see one.”

 

Eiji peered at the mirror again as the rest of the people there continued having a good time, fuelled by the free drinks that Shorter secretly whispered they split the bill on. Skip began to dab disinfectant on his wound.

 

Compared to the face he had now, he felt sorry for the guy using his.  


 

* * *

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* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1985-1989 was the peak of Japan’s economic bubble according to this article, ameliorated also by ‘legit’ Yakuza businesses. Let’s see how this will work on Ash’s end. Fuck me, IDK what I’m doing to be honest but I just want my Kimi no Na Wa fantasies to be fulfilled.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm thank you for the support so far? I’m freaking out actually. It’s been awhile since I wrote something light with some fuzzies (5 years ago) and uh, yeah, hope reading this wasn’t a waste of your time.

* * *

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* * *

 

  
  
When Ash woke up that morning, tears began falling from his eyes.

 

He must have dreamed again.

 

Or, as he tried pushing something heavy off of him, it must be the back pain. He rubbed his eyes and opened them again. He did not like what he saw. Must as well verse it in simple terms.

 

“What... why the hell are you guys here?”

 

Skip was lying on top of the heap, being hugged by Alex like some stuffed doll. He pushed a sleeping Shorter out of the bed. The loud sound wasn’t enough for him to stir, however, and made him moan unintelligible Mandarin.

 

“You sure you wanna keep faking your sleep, or do you want to sleep for real?” Ash’s gun was enough for all of his men to jerk awake and inch back to the walls, bedhead and dog breath be damned.

 

Shorter did not give a shit though and proceeded to snore. Ash made sure to remind him that he didn’t like waiting by stomping his left side of the face awake.

 

“F-Fuck you I bit my tongue!”

 

Ash immediately smoothed his hair and stood up. Sans Skip, their eyes were more focused on his pistol than Ash’s words.

 

“How the hell were you even able to fit in here?” He looked at his left palm. Some weird fucking runic shit was scribbled in permanent marker. “And who pulled this one on me while I was asleep?”

 

“You did,” Skip said as he walked up to Ash and keenly examined him.

 

“What?”

 

He grinned in reply and turned to Shorter, who kept massaging his face. “He’s back to normal.”

 

“Huh?”

 

Shorter fixed his sunglasses and also took a long look at Ash. “Damn right he is.”

 

“If you’re done shitting on my day get the hell out of here… except you two.” He pointed at Shorter and Skip. It took awhile for the rest of them to leave. It was good that he left his brother to Dr Meredith for the next few days, else who knows what will happen if they open the storage room and see Griffin’s gaunt figure. They will definitely flip.

 

Ash looked as his palm again as he leaned back at the wall to face them both.

 

“Give me the lowdown,” Ash folded his arms and let his feet tackle a chair with dizzying skill as he sits on it, feet apart back posts in front. “Why did all of you sleep here last night?”

 

“You told us to…” Skip trails off.

 

“I did?” Once again, Ash looked at his left palm and then at the black smudges on his other hand. He felt a quick chill running down his spine.

 

“You made us this weird soup yesterday after the usual,” his friend yawned. He spread his legs all over the floor and didn’t bother to stand. “It’s like a fucking campfire out here. We were exchanging horror stories and you shared a ton of interesting ones. Like this slit-faced woman, people with blank faces, an eye looking behind the closet… a ton of us didn’t want to leave that night so you let us stay.”

 

“You were really weird,” Skip said as he wiped sleep from his eyes. “Like really weird.”

 

“Not going to lie. I preferred the you from last night.” Shorter said immediately as he dusted off his pants. “You were pretty cute.”

 

Ash immediately aimed his gun between his eyes for the compliment.

 

“Woah chill out!” Shorter quickly stood up. “Ain’t you your usual cranky self.”

 

“Shut up,” Ash groaned as he leaned his head and arms on the top rail. “I don’t remember any of that shit and it pisses me off.”

 

“You were snoring loudly last night though,” Shorter ruffled his hair. “Must’ve had a good dream.”

 

Ash looked at the both of them as they told him how he was freaking out at the sight of his gun and was really talkative even without alcohol. He looked at his hand again and showed it to Shorter.

 

“Looks like Japanese,” he shrugged.

 

 _Japanese…_ he was bamboozled as hell. His ears began to ring. Strange. Ash usually remembered his dreams. Bludgeoning. Betrayal. Opulence that hid something sinister. The same thing, over and over. They involved things that were difficult to forget.

 

He tugged the red cord wrapped around his wrist gently. “You’re right. It must’ve been a good dream,” he laughed and then beckoned them for breakfast.

 

* * *

 

 

“Sis!” Eiji called out that morning, two hours before his first class. He had opened his drawer to get some socks. “Why is there a gun in my drawer?”

“There’s also a sub-automatic somewhere. It’s near the bed,” his sister said with nonchalance as sizzling sounds were heard from the kitchen. Eiji’s scream confirmed he found it. “No touching. Finders keepers.”

 

“H-How the heck-?” Eiji’s voice was pitchier than usual. “Did you- Did you do something stupid again?”

 

“The heck are you talking about? Stop washing your hands or I’ll wash your neck. We got those from the Sumiyoshi yesterday, you forgot? They’re also delivering our uniforms today since you told them you don’t have a suit.”

 

“A-Are you for real?”

 

“Uhuh, those guys are pretty lax. You wanted a gun, so you challenged them to a shootout and won the saiko-komon over. You didn’t tell me you were a gun _otaku_ man. Where were you when my bastard ex cancelled our date to make out with his fucking officemate-”

 

Eiji was woozy when he went to the table to eat the marinated mackerel.

 

“Don’t forget that you have an errand to run for the Boss three days from now. Dunno the specifics, but the payload’s fantastic so don’t blow it.”

 

“Since when were you my manager?” He must be dreaming. He wants to wake up now.

 

“You also told me to give you this during breakfast,” said his sister as she dropped a yellow leather-bound journal on Eiji’s lap, making him drop the rice he was about to eat all over the floor. “Told me to not look at it but you know me, can’t understand a word though. Everything’s in English.”

 

“What?” Eiji turned to the only written page in sheer horror. _The Yakuza can’t aim for shit. I showed them how it’s done._ “What the hell is this?”

 

“Dunno, but if we’re gonna be budget Mafia members, all hands on deck, baby!” his sister said, the first time she actually took initiative in her short and miserable existence. Before Eiji could feel sorrier though, he came across the last line in the entry, accompanied by a cheeky drawing of a mouse.

 

_Can’t believe I’m 19 and this short._

“That- That-“ Whoever wrote those accursed words really crossed the line. He fervently began to write a comeback below those words and threw the journal under his pillow.

 

* * *

 

“Eiji,” said the man on the counter of the convenience store after Ash shoved his hand to his face when he found out he was Japanese. The TV at the back was fussing over a comet that would be making its rounds in a month after more than a millennium. He tried tuning that out. Shit. He definitely needed to hit the books today if that imposter tried violating his body again. Not that he had no experience, but still.

 

“Edgy, huh?” he chortled as he opened the door outside. A voice rung on his ears again as a cool breeze began to blow.

 

* * *

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* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I disliked Kimi no Na Wa the first time I watched it. Found the plot to be too cookie cutter, the characters unremarkable, too overrated. I’d end up watching it seven more times (twice in the theatre, no regrets) to convince friends I forced to accompany me of its status as one of the most important films of the late 2010’s. I watched it the eighth time before writing this chapter to get a feel of the themes and how the heck I’ll incorporate some scenes in the fic (I couldn’t do Itomori in this fic because again, BF isn’t set in Japan). I appreciate it more now, even minuscule details foreshadowing things up to that last act. I’ve been writing fics that are too ambitious for my liking, and as much as I want to raise my efforts writing this, I’m fucking tired and just want something light. ‘Kataware-doki’ and ‘musubi’ though still get to me, and IDK how I’m gonna incorporate that shit but we’ll see? 
> 
> BTW, I got Edgy from this [Starbucks](tiny.cc/StarbucksAU) AU hahaha so cuteee


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What I think’s difficult in adapting Banana Fish as a loose retelling is how the plot feels like a bunch of dominoes. The original series is a tightly-plotted web of intrigue and melodrama (the good kind!) that if, for example, I let *SPOILER* be so and so then the story can go in a totally different direction. I think you’ll see that here. Will be introducing some characters that have not yet made an appearance in the anime. A quarter is because of plot, and the rest is because I need more hijinks. 
> 
> BTW, Eiji has a younger sister not an older one (my mistake).

 

There is something wrong with Okumura Eiji for the past few days.

 

His sister noticed this immediately when she saw how Eiji took extra care to part his hair to the side. He was also not wearing anything when he came out, making her emit an ear-splitting shriek as she threw a towel at him.

 

He retorted by calling her an old toad and threatening her with a pilot pen pressed to her throat, asking her about a gun and his ‘real clothes.’

 

“You fucking high or what? Gimme some of that,” she said as she managed to kick him in the nuts, sending him howling. He did not lower his guard, however and proceeded to point the pen at her direction.

 

“Did Papa send me here? This place ain’t Manhattan!” he snarled. Normally, if this was someone else, she’d obviously be terrified. But of course, it was her brother. She found this endearing actually.

 

“Silly little brother, we role-playing now? Who’s Papa, your master or something?”

 

He froze. “Little brother?”

 

She looked at her watch and let out a yell. “Crap, talk to you later Eiji, I have work!”

 

Hours later and she finds her brother in a state of shock. The dishes were still in the sink, the bed unmade, and he was only wearing his boxers. He was scanning his textbooks though on the side. Strange how Eiji was complaining about reading for recit last week.

 

“Sister… where can I get a gun here?”

 

This shift in politeness made her turn at his brother. He was wearing the glasses he tucked away in the bottom of his bottom drawer because he was conscious of people poking fun at him.

 

“Why, you out for blood or something?”

 

“Just can’t sleep without one,” he said. He was quieter now. “Uh, and sorry for earlier. Didn’t know what got into me.”

She immediately pulled him into a hug. “You owe me a tub of that strawberry cheesecake ice cream!” Gosh, she really did have a soft spot for Eiji, despite his current mood swings. It was like he was talking to another person who had enough free time to possess her brother. “If you want a gun though, we’ll be breaking the law.”

 

“Wait, we?”

 

She nodded. “What? You need a driver for a quick getaway.”

 

* * *

 

 

Ash lost track of the day he woke up in another body and saw her again.  It was out of convenience, maybe, whichever god was pulling the strings, that he sees a suit and tie hanging beside him. Sunlight seeped through the windows blinds and he squinted slightly as he touched it. Dark grey, worsted wool, 140? Quite luxurious but not the first time he had it. He should be careful not to crease it too much during fights though. He liked the patterns of spotted vermillion koi stirring ink ripples in his white undershirt. He took it from the rack and weighed it. 11 ounces at maximum. Manageable, even in this diminutive build.

 

“Morning,” he said to his sister when he came out. He decided to rip a pair of Edgy’s jeans because damn that bastard for wearing unbreathable clothing. He also decided to rip off the sleeves on a linen shirt. “Suit arrived, yeah?”

 

“Wait till you see mine! It has cute racoon prints. Looks like they hand-painted it, quite posh. Can’t wait for tonight.”

 

Ash grinned coyly. “Reckon we have to look our best because some hotshot might be present.”

 

“You think a shootout will happen?” she said as she tossed sliced pickles on her mouth. “You don’t look too nervous.”

 

He shrugged. “I don’t think so. They should’ve given us more durable suits if that happened.”

 

“You can’t say. That is what movie characters say in one scene and then gets shot to pieces three minutes later.” She handed her an extra bowl of rice with a plum on top. “I’ll pick you up after practice so we can go straight to _aniki’s_ office. You want me to pick up anything? Chocolate, maybe?”

 

He had to be nice. Judging by the look on her face when he first met her, Edgy did not have a potty mouth and was a thoughtful and responsible fellow. A wuss, yeah, but he looked dependable, based on the way he kept up with a sister who was quite childish for her age.

 

“Just give me the usual,” Ash said. Despite her death-seeker tendencies, she was trying her best for this boy. She gave a wide grin as she poured herself Budweiser instead of coffee.

 

* * *

 

“Good morning, my best friends!” Ash proceeded to say to the people who picked him up during lunch, to their chagrin. “How is each of you today?”

 

“Uh…”

 

None of them were able to give a response and looked at each other. Wait, were they not buying it? Edgy was a fucking wuss, wasn’t he, all snooty politeness and thoughtful shit? He then proceeded to give each of them the rice balls he asked his sister to make for them. “I made extra food for you.”

 

“Okay?” All of them blinked and then accepted the seaweed-covered triangles. Their mouths seemed sewn shut whenever they looked at Ash. Why were they awkward? Should he begin the conversation? What do people his age usually talk about?

 

“The weather is really nice today, isn’t it?” he said sunnily. On the contrary, the sky was overcast. It looked like it might rain. Shit. His friends were awkwardly munching on his rice balls without a word. “Uh…”

 

“Dude, you don’t have to force yourself to say anything…” one of his friends said. “You’ve been acting, uhm, quite out of it the past few days…”

 

Gosh, teenagers really had enough spare time in their lives to think about their friend’s erratic behaviour.

 

“Yeah… actually, we’re sorry if we pushed you too much on the pole-vaulting thing… You were right. You must… well, we’re still cheering you on no matter how many times you stumble.”

 

“Yeah, just do your best…”

 

Wait, wait, wait, so Edgy has this drama going on? It’s safe to ask them about it, right? “What are you guys talking about?”

 

Before they could answer though, thunder began clapping. All of them immediately retreated to the main building before it started to rain.

 

“Looks like you don’t have to worry about practice today,” one of them said. “The sky’s telling you to take a break too.”

 

Ash stared at the loud and heavy sound of rain. Some of the people on the grounds were not as lucky as they were though and were sopping wet, shivering beside them under the merciful roof. The rain felt colder and harsher due to the abundance of greenery compared to what he was used to. It reminded him of their house overlooking the sea. Of the seagulls that would stomp on the dew grass to mimic the pattering of rain, seizing the earthworms foolish enough to poke out from the ground. Of his brother making him hot chocolate as they waited for it to pass and for the rainbow to appear.

 

He felt less cold as Edgy’s friends then proceeded to share him their snacks too.

 

* * *

 

“No practice, huh?” His sister said when she arrived. “Check the plastic beside you, I got you your usual.”

 

Ash retched as he drank the innocent looking smoothie that was now a toxic pile of sludge in his eyes. “What the hell is this?”

 

“Vegetable juice from that store in Shibuya. You always liked the stuff. Can’t relate though because veggies make me weak.”

 

Streets and cars were smaller in Tokyo. Despite the traffic and the throngs of people that do show up during rush hour, it wasn’t as chaotic and overwhelming as New York in Ash’s eyes. It didn’t feel like white noise.

 

“Hey,” Ash said as he leaned back and stared at the suit hanging on his left. She was already wearing hers. “If things get hairy, run away without looking back, got it? I can’t assure that I’ll be able to protect you. You sure you can handle that automatic?”

 

“Aww, that’s cute. Ei-chan’s worried about his pretty and benevolent sister?”

 

“Save the adjectives for later. Anyway, if you were hired as a chauffeuse, you probably won’t get much piece of the action anyway. I’m just saying if some guys come after you, hit the breaks and make a run for it. I can handle myself.”

 

His sister clicked her tongue as she continued driving. “You think we’ll drive a Rolls-Royce or something?”

 

“Probably a Land Cruiser,” Ash said as he looked at the Cartier that came in with the suit. They were early by ten minutes. This will impress their _aniki_.

 

“Alright,” she said as she turned on the curb and stopped at the curb of the quiet neighbourhood. “Don’t forget about the Natto waiting for us back home.”

 

Ash didn’t need to answer. He wanted to have a taste of that.

 

* * *

 

It was Eiji’s turn to get a headache when he saw the sky blue journal lying beside him and read the contents.

 

_Edgy’s Errands_

  1. _Pick up files from Max Glenreed to give to Doctor Meredith_
  2. _Pick up Griffin from Doctor Meredith_
  3. _Avoid making me a laughingstock_



_I am only going to say this once: Don’t fuck up my turf. Listen to Shorter and Skip, and avoid Upper Manhattan. Don’t pull out my gun and don’t give my gun away. No more sleepovers!_

_Shorter will pick you up at 9 AM. Ask him to accompany you when you go with Max. Do. Not. Forget. This._

What was he, some kind of child? Eiji was fuming as he take his bath and made his way to look for a polo shirt and bottoms that were now distressed in any way. He also made sure to tame Ash’s wild mane, to no avail. He couldn’t find any dressy shoes aside from his high cut sneakers or off-whites, this street cat! If he was going to see someone, he should at least look presentable. _He thinks he’s all that just because he owns a gang and is prettier and charismatic and perfect and- and-_ He really couldn’t think of anything insulting so he shut himself up and waited for Shorter outside.

 

He was taken aback when he saw how Eiji styled himself.

 

“Y-You look like a schoolboy?”

 

“You think so?” Eiji hung his head in defeat. He couldn’t find any dressy shoes except for his rundown Sperry’s.

 

“Yeah, ditch the tuck-in man and the blazer!” Shorter said as Eiji hastily obeyed. “Well, you don’t look like a gang boss, so it’s all good.”

 

“What else did I say yesterday?” Eiji asked glumly when they continued riding their motorcycle to Central Park.

 

“You forgot again? Hmm, you told us to keep an eye on you. I kinda see why. You told us if something weird happens, we should drag you off to the nearest asylum or something.”

 

“Did he- did I say that?” That son of a gun! He knew now that this wasn’t a dream, but he at least wanted to make the most out of it here.

 

“Forget about it!” He said. “We’ll only do that if you start foaming at the mouth or something. Besides, the gang’s waiting for another horror night again. Halloween’s around the corner and we’re planning something big. My buddies in Chinatown have shit to share as well. Same as the guys in Harlem! Cain’s gonna perform some voodoo shit and I’m fucking pumped.”

 

“D-Did you tell me this already?”

 

“Eh just now. We’re still planning it, so don’t you worry about the finer details. Just whip out your best anecdotes so your gang won’t lose. We have a ton of stories that will make you shit a ton of bricks.”

 

“Can you do me a favour and not mention this again until I ask about it?” Eiji said quickly. Ash would definitely cancel this the moment he finds out.

“Man, I don’t really get what’s wrong with you…” Shorter said. “Look, we’re also planning a comet viewing somewhere off the coast. You heard about Tiamat right? The one that comes every 1,200 years? I remember you said you had a place in Massachusetts. Let’s bring your brother. He’ll probably light up if he sees that.”

 

Ash had a brother? His stomach turned at this. He couldn’t say anything else as Shorter dropped his motorcycle a safe distance from the Central Park. Eiji gaped in amazement.

 

“There’s something like this in the middle of New York?” There was even a lake and tons of trees. There were plenty of people lying on the grass, cloths covering their legs as they began to munch food from their baskets. The leaves were changing colors now with shades of earthy reds and yellows seeping out of the green. Shorter was laughing as Eiji stared and shouted in awe at the children that were playing with their pets or at the geriatrics taking slow walks with either their dogs or their significant other.

 

“I think that’s Max,” Shorter pointed at a man with thin mousy hair and pinkish skin sitting by the edge of the fountain. A pond showcased plenty of mallards and swans chasing after the crumbs some tourists were throwing. “Get what you came for so we can wrap this up early. Nadia’s making Tom Yum and I wanted you to tag along.”

 

“You’re Ash Lynx?” Max said. He was wearing a maroon bomber jacket that complimented his periwinkle blue shirt and brown jeans.

 

“Uh… yes?” Shit, he should act like how that smartarse acts, he tried putting his hand over his pockets and made sure to make slow, meaningful steps. Gotta look like big bully. You can do this Eiji!

 

“Hmm… you’re not exactly how I’d picture you. You look… young?”

 

Did he mean immature? Shit. “S-So what are you saying?”

 

He rubbed his nose awkwardly. “Uh, nothing. You were different on the phone. Here are the stuff I managed to dig so far from Professor Dawson. He had been working on a drug to counteract the effects of Banana Fish. I owe you one for saving my ass from prison so… If Griffin gets better, he should give me a hoot. I added my phone number in the last page.”

 

“Thank you. I appreciate it,” Eiji smiled sunnily as he grabbed the large folder. He had no real clue what was going on, but judging from the look of Max’s face, he seemed to be more relieved than earlier.

 

He continued to examine Eiji. “I’m doing my best pinning the Corsican Mafia. We’ll be publishing our exposé soon. If you need help with anything, just call me alright? Looks like my first impressions were wrong. You seem like a good kid like your brother. Take care of yourself.”

 

“Uh…” Eiji ended up waving back at him as he returned back to the edge of the pond. There was a woman and child that were waiting for him there. The woman quickly smacked him on the head and was dragging the child along. Looks like they waited too long. He snickered at this.

 

“You walked like you were circumcised five minutes ago,” Shorter sighed. “I don’t know if I will laugh or cry.”

 

“So I should walk like a schoolboy?”

 

“No… dunno if you can keep this up, man. I mean, it’s ok if it’s me and Skip and the gang, but there are people there who are more than happy to know that you’re out of it, and not in a good way.”

 

Cold sweat dripped from his temple. “So… you guys know already? That I’m not-”

 

“Don’t say it out loud and stay close to me,” Shorter said in a low voice. He tugged him closer. “Besides me and Skip and some of the people in the gang, you can’t fully trust anyone here in New York.”

 

Eiji then began to shake as he forced himself to calm down. He had lulled himself into that false security again. He again forgot that there’s a reason why Ash was a hardened asshole. He had to be.

 

He felt Shorter grab his arm. “Don’t worry, Edgy. I promised him I’ll protect you with my life. I owe him that much.”

 

Eiji could not utter a word to correct Ash’s bastardization of his name when they went to Dr. Meredith’s this time. But he did stop trembling and enjoyed how the greens and reds melted into silvers and smokes and honks and beeps.

 

* * *

 

 

The doctor looked at the files inside and examined a vial sample that Eiji was thankful enough not to have destroyed when they nearly crashed as Eiji tried to sing and made Shorter lose control due to laughing so hard.

 

“So they finally did it, huh?” Meredith said. His smile was difficult to look at for Eiji. He stood up to take a clean syringe. “Looks like they cracked the code in lowering the aftereffects of the drug in the central nervous system…”

 

“What?”

 

He shook his head. “Your brother can be saved. It might take awhile, but I can synthesize this at least. There’s hope.”

 

“Wanna see him, Ash?” Shorter whispered. He raised the curtain and let Eiji inside. It took all of his willpower not to cry out as he saw Griffin for the first time.

 

Drool was falling from his face. His eyes looked dead. Eiji had never seen such eyes before. His backed seemed to break as he sat there on his wheelchair. Despite the pristine hospital gown he wore, he had never seen something so wretched and heartbreaking.

 

“He... was taking care of him for years?” Eiji could barely find his voice as he covered his mouth. He moved closer and proceeded to hold Griffin’s hand. He did not even move. Like a Zombie from those awful undead movies. He could barely hold back his tears.

 

Shorter only nodded. He could barely even look.

 

“I feel like a lowlife. He’s more than I owed him to be,” Eiji laughed bitterly. He kissed his brother’s hand. “It’s going to be ok.” Those words sounded empty as they left his mouth. He repeated those words as he continued to sob. Griffin said nothing at his ordeal.

 

Dr. Meredith then appeared to administer the dose. Eiji looked down at the floor as he wiped his eyes. Shorter hovered beside him, a shadow of sorts that Eiji was thankful of looming close.

 

“The letter said it may take three weeks for him to recover, so Griffin should stay here with me until it’s over.”

 

Eiji could not even say anything as he continued to bow at the doctor. Shorter managed to assist him back at his motorcycle before driving enroute to Chinatown.

 

* * *

 

 

If Ash was honest, the reason he preferred the Sumiyoshi-kai over the likes of the Corsicans like Dino Golzine were their adherence to a strict codes and ‘family’. When he drank the sake along with Edgy’s sister (they said it was a first and were charmed outright by her earnestness and knowledge of the underground ring) as part of the initiation, it immediately clicked that he was responsible for these two idiots and lord knows what will happen if he returns as Ash Lynx and leaves these two to the wolves. After their first errand, he definitely needed to fill that notebook with plenty of notes. In addition, he needed to add a plethora of weapons and place them somewhere inconspicuous but noticeable for the likes of the Okumuras.

 

The Kyodai asked them to receive classified merchandise from a Hong Kong Triad in exchange of land titles in the southern coast. Ash was merely one of the delivery boys along with the big brother who recommended him. He thought his sister would be hollering to high heavens her excitement, but managed to keep a low profile as they drove off along the patch of land outside Narita Airport and a long way away from Tokyo. At least she knew how to keep it professional in the presence of these cultured thugs. With that pipsqueak, however…

 

He was given orders not to utter a word unless spoken to when he along with his fellow _shatei_ lowered the three thin briefcases holding the land titles at the negotiator on their end in a grey SUV. He asked his mooks to examine the contents. The rest went by without a hitch and they received the payment for their trouble when they drove their big brother home.

 

The moment they returned home, his sister, who wore a blank expression throughout the night opened her mouth. A small scream came out. Ash raised his eyebrow at her.

 

“That’s it?”

 

She screamed a little more when she opened their briefcase and saw the amount of cash that she lowered over her head only to yelp in pain as they fell like rocks over her head in bundles. Even Ash flinched at each hit in her face. Her decibels, however, remained at tolerable levels.

 

“Seriously, I thought you’d be louder…”

 

“I am still recovering, little brother. If this keeps up, I can buy the fucking penthouse I want. I can even buy 40 per cent of the stocks in my ex’s company and kick him out, serves him right-“ he proceeded to hand him Budweiser to pop open. “What about you, Ei-chan? Anything tickling your fancy?”

 

“Not really…” he hadn’t really thought of anything. Maybe he’ll buy new pants to rip or a decent pair of Chucks to compensate for this person’s lack of streetwear sense. He managed to find the yellow journal and nearly ripped the book apart when he saw Eiji’s reply.

 

 _At least my dick isn’t smaller than my ego._ It was accompanied by a poor man’s figurative attempt at human genitalia. It wasn’t a joke in poor taste anymore. He wasn’t insulted at the comment, but he was insulted that he had to occupy the body of such an insipid human being.

“Remind me,” he told his sister. “Why I should exist-“

 

“You’re still not satisfied with your money to buy you back to life?” she asked, just until their telephone began to ring. “Hello? Oh, _Aniki_! Yes, good job out there too…” by then she trailed off and swallowed hard. “I see. Yes, we’ll ready ourselves. Goodnight.”

 

“What?” Ash yawned on the table as he began scribbling further instructions.

 

“Their boss was in the SUV. One of the members of the Lee family, they said? Apparently, he took an interest in you and is driving to our place this instant-“

 

Three loud knocks then shook from the door, making both of them jump.

 

“Well, aren’t they quick…” Ash immediately took his Magnum from his back and signalled her to the side, behind the dresser. They have practiced this the moment they were sworn in the Yakuza, in case such measures happen.  He fastened his gun to his side and slowly opened the door.

“Good evening-“ Ash was quick on the uptake and rammed the pistol point-blank at that damn fucker with the oily voice. Ash then also noticed a damn Glock aimed at his head as well. As usual, them bigwigs always had their beefcake bodyguards behind them.

 

“Get your hands of my brother-“

 

“Get the hell out of here!” he roared, eyes still affixed at the fucking instigator of this bullshit. To put it into simpler terms, he looked like an Asian Barbie doll. Only, he didn’t like the sly look on his face.

 

“You dare shoot a son of the Lee family?” he snickered.

 

“I don’t give a shit even if you’re the president of the universe,” he returned with an even smugger grimace. “If there’s a head, I’ll shoot it dead.”

 

“Your Highness, don’t provoke him…” Ash froze because he remembered that voice and that bullcrap all too well. Damn these Japanese doors, but he was sure the man’s half-covered face was a person that made him sick.

 

“Do not correct me, Blanca, I know what I’m doing.” Whatever was left of his cool and confident façade was cracking. “Okumura Eiji, you are coming with me.”

 

“And why would I say yes when it’s easier pulling the trigger?”

 

“You interest me.”

 

“Or maybe it’s because you don’t have any friends? I mean, the underground has limited toys my age.” Ash grinned. “You haven’t even introduced yourself.”

 

He turned pink. “I’m the 7th son of the Lee family, Lee Yut Lung. Lower your gun. I don’t intend to shoot.”

 

“That’s what they say,” Ash said in a syrupy voice. “I’ll ask the question again, fairy princess, why should I say yes?”

 

His sister then butted in. “Aren’t you a pretty little boy though? How old are you- maybe you can befriend Eiji, help him adjust to the underground life and arrange an heiress for him to marry-“

 

“Shut up sis, I have no intention of coming with him. I still have a practice tomorrow!”

 

It was then when Blanca started to snicker and made Yut Lung turn beet red completely.

 

“How dare you laugh at my presence? If he pulls the trigger, I will be dead and you will forever blame yourself-“

 

“On the contrary, I may enjoy my Carribean retirement much earlier if that happens,” Blanca said with a tinkling laugh, making Yut Lung turn a deeper shade of puce.

 

His sister started to snigger as well. “ _Oh, I see…”_

“Fine, I-I’ll come back tomorrow!” Yut Lung said, hastily turning his back on them and proceeding to walk downstairs. “I will make you mine, Eiji Okumura. If you defy me again, I will input good news to stop our business with your branch here in Tokyo. You cannot refuse me.”

 

Ash rolled his eyes. Geez, another idiot to worry about aside from the other two. By then, Blanca, his former teacher in another life, peered at him with those inscrutable eyes of his. “Please reconsider tomorrow, Mr. Okumura. My master is only sixteen, and he never really found people of interest and of his age until he met you.”

 

Shit. He knew that he couldn’t refuse him even if he tried. “He’s a spoiled little shit. Threatening my family when he could just say outright that he wants to befriend us…”

 

He bowed again. “Again, please reconsider.” His eyes twinkled. “You do remind me of a pupil that I had, a long time ago.”

 

He felt that ache in his gut. “Pretty sure that pupil would be shaking his head when he sees you now.”

 

“Perhaps. Good night to you.” He made sure to close the door.

 

Eiji’s sister slowly dropped her gun and proceeded to lie down on the tatami. “Well, that was… a strange way to end the day.”

 

Ash did not even bother replying as he returned to the table and continued writing as if nothing happened.

 

“I get why that Yut Lung kid has a bodyguard crush on Blanca. Guy’s a fine hunk of meat. Rare.”

 

“He looks like an eligible bachelor. Don’t want to seduce him or something so you can get over your ex?”

 

“Pass. I don’t like hot guys. Too much competition. Plus all of my exes were ugly. Don’t wanna break that record.”

 

“You have weird taste.” He scribbled some more.

 

“What? So you’re just going to write? No intention of going into hiding?”

 

“We won’t be able to hide for long. Blanca is- he doesn’t look like an ordinary bodyguard. Plus, the family won’t take it well if that brat attempts to sabotage us.”

“You don’t look scared one bit,” she snorted. “You sure you’re my brother?

 

“To be honest,” Ash laughed. “I’m dreading the Pole Vaulting practice tomorrow more than having the entire underworld after us.”

 

She hugged him tightly. He flushed. “Yep, you’re definitely him.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the positive comments so far! This chapter is longer than the usual, and I did not get to introduce the other characters I should be introducing, but I hope you liked the tweaks I made with the character introductions. There are two more important charas I have to introduce the next chapter then we'll get the plot moving along!


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I can’t believe the support I’m getting. Guess I’m not the only one who’s rooting for a positive take on the series (even if we have to accept the banality of the mundane product). Anyway, you guys rock and I can’t thank you enough!

* * *

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* * *

 

To cut the long story short, he wondered why Okumura Eiji was even attending class.

 

Ash was used to the attention. But he did not like the attention given by the normal folk, most especially his classmates and snide professors when he would attempt to provide easier alternatives to the problems they were bringing up, most especially in economics and global politics. He really did not look like he could excel in social sciences. The university also did not seem to be an easy one to get into. Was this mouse really that lucky?

 

He’d later find out after class when he was stripped down to a tank top and shorts, a fibre glass pole in hand.

 

“Uh…” He was like a baby learning how to speak all over again. “Uh…” He was honestly quite lost.

 

His coach, a man with a sketchy moustache and a yellow baseball cap instantly looked at him. The rest of his teammates were now stretching.

 

“I think I don’t- I have to go,” he was thinking of going home and remembered that leftover Natto his sister had threatened him to eat. Instantly, he thought of something else. The thought of seeing Yut-Lung was even worse. He tried the third time.

 

The thought of Eiji’s damage over his integrity on the other side of the globe was enough to make him nearly hurl.

 

“The competition’s a week from now. Can’t afford any of you to skip out. Don’t tell this to the seniors, but you’re one of our best players. There’s a reason why you’re called ‘Fly Boy’-“

 

“Jesus, don’t tell me you believe that-“ What the heck, so Eiji was actually good at something? His throat continued to sink at this. Goddammit, now he wished that asshole would switch back. Should he fall headfirst? Should he bang his head on the bench? Should he ask one of the people playing baseball to aim the ball or the bat at him?

 

“Go on. You’re done with your stretches, right? I know, your losses were getting to you, so I had the bar lowered to 4 meters. It’s ok, son. Let’s see how it goes.”

 

4 meters equated to jumping to the second floor. His coach had to drag him by the arm as he struggled to squirm away. His grip strength was phenomenal. _Dammit, fuck you, Eiji. I wish you sucked at everything. I wish you’d break a leg or something so I wouldn’t have to compete._ “L-Let go, you dirty old man-“

 

“You’re becoming quite rambunctious now, huh? If you don’t do it, you have to run five laps around the circle.”

 

“I’ll do that, you sadistic motherfucker! Make that twenty!”

 

“Hmm… then, I’ll call your sister to come here and cheer you on.”

 

Jesus, the thought of Eiji’s macaque of a sister yowling in the foreground was something he can tolerate at least. He wasn’t Eiji so it wouldn’t affect him too much.

 

“Bring it on!”

 

“You really don’t want too, huh? How about… I take that heavy toy gun of yours from the locker.”

 

“W-What the fuck ok, I’ll jump you lousy son of a bitch- Just wait-“

 

 _Shit, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you_. His heart was hammering so hard he could feel his hands giving way. He had to let a teammate run first. It happened so quickly in his eyes he did not even get to bother jotting it all down in his head.

 

“I’ll be getting your toy now, Okumura-kun~”

 

“Shut the hell up, I’m concentrating-“ Shit, shit, shit. He had to believe in this fucking body knowing what it’s doing, Jesus fucking Christ. He took a long deep breath.  He had to believe in Eiji. Jesus, if he doesn’t then that damn metal box in the middle is going to hurt.

 

So Ash runs.

 

And then he soars.

 

Ash fell on his back at the pit. The sky was so blue. _Wait, that was it?_ He quickly ran to his coach, his mouth hanging open. _Is that it_? He did not feel anything at all when he flew- he literally flew- shit, oh god, he really did that? He really did not know how comical he must look like as he pointed at the pit, words refusing to come out as he told the coach that- wow.

 

Just wow. There was really no other way to articulate it. By then he noticed how lean and yet well-trained Eiji’s biceps were. How good his core strength and sense of balance was. How sharp and methodical his muscle memory was.

 

“How was it? You finally smiled, Okumura-kun,” his coach said once his parade of histrionics was over.

 

“Haven’t I smiled in awhile?” Ash said. That feeling was still there.

 

“I thought you were quitting the team before you did that jump,” he said, and Ash’s stomach lurched. “Glad I saw that expression again.”

 

Ash grinned. “Then be prepared to get sick of it. I’m just getting started.”

 

* * *

 

 

“As celebration to Okumura’s comeback, let’s fucking belt our hearts out!” said a friend to kickstart their karaoke night in a cramped-up box somewhere in Asakusa. “You go first man!”

 

Ash scratched his head as he looked at a TV screen with a jukebox. “So how am I… I’m supposed to sing with this?”

 

“What song do you want anyway?”

 

Ash took a lot of thought. “Something by Survivor…” He forgot the name of the song in that movie his mates had forced him to watch that simplified the Cold War tensions and reduced Russians as mechanical stereotypes. It involved the eye… “Wait, it’s Eye of the Tiger-“

 

“Too late,” his friends cackled. The screen title showed in fuzzy letters ‘Ever Since The World Began.’

 

“W-What the fuck man, this is not my song.”

 

“Look it’s starting, man-“

 

“Holy fuck, the lyrics are on the screen- I can see-“

 

“Have you forgotten how to even karaoke man?” everyone began to laugh as Ash took awhile to warm up to the lyrics, mumbling everything until the chorus came around. He didn’t remember this song, but he didn’t want to look like an idiot at least so might as well pretend. He needed more beer.

 

\--

 

It would’ve been the perfect way to end the day, if not for the surprise that awaited him back at their third-floor apartment.

 

“Wait so you being late means…?” his sister said with a yawn. “What exactly does it mean? Happy? Sad?”

 

Ash took off his shoes and made his way inside. “K-Kara- what?” He was about to pronounce the damn thing wrong until he saw that mischievous baby snake slithering beside his sister. Actually, both hands were on his lap as his eyes glinted with malice. Ash made sure to respond in kind. “What the fuck is that slimy bastard doing here?”

 

“H-How dare you? I take care of my skin properly-”

 

“Cool your jets, Ei-chan,” his sister cut across. “He waited for you here. I wish I could accommodate Blanca-san too, but you know how we mice live around here.”

 

“The state of your laundry is horrible, Eiji Okumura…”

 

“No need for a privileged piece of shit to tell me squat about my dirty clothes. ‘Sides, I already refused. Now get outta here.”

 

“Actually,” his sister said without batting an eyelid. “Yut Lung is staying here for the night. He can’t possibly come back to their hotel at this hour, and you can’t bring him there at the sorry state that you’re in-“

 

“Why don’t you bring him then? You have a car!”

 

“Of course I won’t. Gosh, I’m exhausted too. I’ve been munching on these snacks he brought for hours... Can you believe how tiring that is?”

 

There were two boxes of mooncakes on the side and nian gao, one box had two pieces of mooncakes left. His sister once more lugged in front. “Besides, Yut Lung’s not here to take you away again. We had been talking about his dilemma since earlier, and he needs our help when he returns from Hong Kong after next week.”

 

“What’s that? Bang his bodyguard or something?”

 

“Y-You-“

 

His sister turned at him in surprise. “Spot on, Ei-chan.”

 

“Wait, that was a joke…”

 

“And you’re going to be the bait.”

 

“S-Shit, I didn’t agree to any of this-“

 

“Well you will, you don’t have a choice~” his sister said, the smile on her face creeping up slowly and slowly until Ash could swear it had reached her ears.

 

“Are you fucking sure you’re even a member of the Triads? Do your brothers even know about your current arrangement?”

 

“I don’t want to listen to your excuses,” he twirled his hair and kept shaking as he sipped his tea. “Your sister told me that it’s possible, so I will need your help.”

 

“And in exchange, our _aniki_ would be very happy by having more investors. This will help us climb up to the top, Eiji! Aren’t you excited that we don’t have to kill anyone or cut our fingers…”

 

“So it’s Eiji?”

 

“Eyy-gee, yeah?”

 

“You can’t even remember your name, how shameful-“

 

Ash didn’t bother giving a shit as he tried looking for the journal. Before he forgets, he should at least give ‘Eiji’ a heads up at the chaos he might be treading.

 

* * *

 

Eiji was having a ball on his side though, and a literal ball at that.

 

“Shoot, boss, shoot!” Bones and the rest of his squad were cheering in on. Shorter was gaining quickly. Eiji quickly pulled back and took the shot. _Here goes nothing-_

 

-which did not even do squat and went over the backboard.

 

Everyone was too taken aback to mind the five seconds remaining. Team Chinatown won afterwards with a one-point difference.

 

“You shouldn’t have given me the ball!” Eiji fumed as the rest of Shorter’s gang were too stunned to even holler their victory. “I cost the entire game, dang it!”

 

“You never miss a three-pointer though, boss…” Kong said as he rubbed his forehead full of sweat. Another one of his members handed him a towel. “And we always win, so-“

 

“I-I guess I’m kinda out of it-“ he then proceeded to laugh nervously. He should ask Shorter to bring them to Chinatown later. He needed tips from his sister.

 

“Are you belittling us, Ash Lynx?” he heard a boy scream out from Shorter’s team. Even Eiji was stunned that he played basketball with the rest of them. He was shorter than his old self, so that was a kind of victory, at least? The boy ran his way towards him. Kong and the rest quickly surrounded Eiji. Oh no freaking way, if the real Ash found out that a fight broke out because of him, god knows what he’ll do to his body. “You think we didn’t know you did that on purpose?” He was brandishing a wire from his gloved hand.

 

“I did not! You saw it, I missed!” Gosh, everyone thinks that Ash was so perfect and it still gets on his nerves. It was as if his drama back in Japan wasn’t enough… “Uhm, it’s all cool, right? W-We square-“

 

The boy had a bluish sheen to his black hair. He brashly made another step, while the rest of Ash’s people also made their way in front.

 

“No little shit talks to our boss like that,” Alex said, eyes growing darker as the sun began to set.

 

“I-I’m not a little shit, fucking Skeletor-“

 

“That’s enough Sing. Take a chill pill, man. You don’t like it that we won already?” Eiji managed to heave a sigh of relief when Shorter placed a hand on his shoulder and then at his head. “Apologize to them. Geez, you’re only fourteen and you act like such a tough little bitch… Sorry about this Ash-“

 

“Don’t apologize to them for me! I can do it myself! Don’t treat me like a baby, dammit!” The boy Sing pushed Shorter’s hand away and steadily bowed his head. “Happy now?” He turned once more at the older guy.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Uh yeah, Ash, this is Sing Soo-Ling. He’s my right hand of sorts.”

 

“I-Isn’t he a little too young?”

 

“Shut up! You’re a 17-year old boss! Don’t look down on me or you’ll regret it!” Yep, he almost forgot that Ash was a superhuman well. Eiji by then excused himself from his gang and stuck out his hand.

 

“Nice to meet you,” he smiled kindly.

 

Everyone screamed.

 

\--

 

“So, after this, you just put the noodles in a large pot to boil…” Eiji said fifty minutes later in Chinatown back at Shorter’s restaurant. Most of Ash’s gang members were also present.

 

“Yeah, and then you just leave the cabbages on the side. You don’t fucking mix them with the other vegetables until we cook the noodles…” Sing said impatiently as he began swirling the tomatoes, eggplant, and egg in the pan.

 

“Well, well, well, aren’t you a cute little chef?” Shorter said just outside the door with the rest.

 

“Don’t _you dare_ move another step-“ Sing pointed a ladle at him. “The last thing we need is another case of food poisoning-“

 

“Hold up, you’re exaggerating again-“

 

“Anyway,” he then turned pink. “Ash is doing quite well following my instructions.”

 

“That’s because I have a good teacher,” Eiji responded in kind. The boy flushed again. He was still a kid, he figured. That was good to know.

 

“W-Well, if you want, I can teach you more recipes. Mine’s obviously better than Shorter’s-“

 

“Hey!”

 

All of them tittered.

 

“Oh right,” Eiji said. “Can you also teach the rest of us as well? I don’t want to bother making food all the time.” In truth, he doubted that Ash would bother making food all the time.

 

“Yeah, sure, but I will teach you first. I’m not really that good at all the measuring schtick. I just make up the numbers. You’ll correct me if I do it the second time so it’ll be more accurate.”

 

“Ah, thanks Sing-“

 

“Looks like you’ve got competition on who’s Ash’s favourite Asian,“ Skip chortled from the back. The rest of them cheered.

 

“S-Shut up-“ said Shorter. “Just because Sing cooks better doesn’t mean-“

 

“And isn’t Sing a better fighter? I think you only became the leader of Chinatown because Sing’s not yet of age…” Skip continued to egg him on. The rest of them opened their mouths in wide ‘o’s’ and looked at each other.

 

“I actually respect Shorter, that’s all,” Sing said, not bothering to even look as he lowered the heat of the pan. “Just because I’m good at fighting and cooking doesn’t mean I have what it takes to lead.”

 

“Oh my gosh, that’s- he’s even manlier than you Shorter!”

 

“Shut the fuck up, Skip!”

 

Eiji choked back his laughter to prevent his saliva from ruining the food. “You’re a good follower, Sing.”

 

“We all start somewhere,” the boy said. He then turned to him and asked him to switch it off. “Plus if it wasn’t for Shorter, I wouldn’t be here. I really can’t imagine what will happen to me if he kicks the bucket. I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive myself.”

 

In a sense, maybe Eiji was trying to forget that there were some realities that Ash wanted to protect him from while he wasn’t there. Despite his efforts to provide a safe space for himself as well as these people, he knew that it probably won’t enough. He suddenly felt a certain weight falling on his shoulders. It was strange.

 

“You’re better than what Shorter told me, Ash,” Sing then said as they prepared the table to everyone’s delight. The rest proceeded to set the tables. Shorter went upstairs to invite his sister for dinner. “Thought you were just a cold-blooded beast, but you’re a pretty great guy. Like a brother to them. To Shorter.”

 

“Another guy told me the same thing a few days ago,” Eiji said. There were things that were making him sad the more he knew other people’s impression of Ash. They were not nice. “I hope you’ll be able to keep supporting Shorter. He needs all the help he can get, especially in making food.”

 

Sing laughed. “That’s definitely the first thing we’ll work on.”

 

* * *

 

Before Eiji woke up with tears on his eyes and a bigger manhood to work with, he decided to write at the diary Ash bought. There was a long red cord with orange streaks beside it that he used as a bookmark.

 

_Got to play basketball with Shorter and the rest. I deserve the chiding because we lost for the first time. We also made noodles. Your men might teach you the recipe when you come back!_

 

He paused. His days there were not really that eventful, but they were fun all the same. He went to the public library and Central Park. They also went to the Empire State Building. Quite touristy, he should say.

 

_I did what you asked and saw Griffin-san. I’m well honestly I feel ashamed for acting like a dickhead to you. People here when they see me said they were wrong on their first impression about Ash Lynx. It’s the same for me. I was really wrong about you. I still don’t know what happened to you but I figure you’ve been through quite a lot. I wish I can tell you that to your face so I’d see that big ego of yours in full display but it looks like you have to make do with this_

__  
  
He then drew a tongue which looked more like a banana. Shit. It was like foreplay or something. He scribbled over it hastily.

 

_P.S. It’s E-I-J-I not EDGY ok?_

 

He thought of adding more, but he was never really that good with words.

 

* * *

 

The first thing he did when he came back to his body was reaching out for his journal to see Ash’s writing and was appalled by the excessive detail he mapped out regarding his plans and the arsenal of weapons he had hidden in almost every nook and cranny of their tiny apartment. He also mentioned being wary of some Yut Lung because he was annoying. At least some things still haven’t changed.

 

“Oi, breakfast is here!” he heard his sister say. He took the journal to the table and was skimming possible ways to kill a person with a ballpoint pen and a plastic fork. “You excited Eiji?”

 

He managed to reach the part on the guidelines in missions with the Yakuza- _Woah, so that was not some bullshit or some money-making scheme his sister got herself into again?_ “For what?”

 

“It’s your competition today, right?”

 

What? Eiji stopped reading and gaped at his sister. It’s been a week already? How did time fly by so fast over here? He looked at the clock above the doorway and was then hastily eating his food. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I’ll miss the train-“

 

He only had half an hour to prepare. Shit. He was quick to chomp on his egg and greens before dashing off to shower. Gosh, he enjoyed his life over there too much to notice his real life on this side of the world. By then, he unconsciously strapped a red chord on his bag as he also stowed the journal along.

 

“Good luck Eiji! I’ll ask the coach to record your performance-“

 

“Don’t get yourself fired because of me!” Eiji called out as he grabbed a large jug of Pocari his sister prepared for him.

 

The entire train ride to Nagoya was still not enough for Eiji to completely exhaust Ash’s notes. Apparently, he had to spell out and make footnotes of everything. There are even samples of hypothetical scenarios in case they do fall into danger. He doesn’t know if Ash genuinely cared or if he thought they were all idiots. Eiji decided it was both. He finally decided to just skip eight more pages and make his way at the end.

 

_I enjoyed pole vaulting. The first time scared the shit out of me, but then after that, there was nothing. I just flew. It felt good, knowing that I could fly._

_God, you are amazing Eiji. I don’t know if I will still be here when the competition comes but even if I’m not, I’ll be there._

_I know I shouldn’t be having these emotions, but hopefully, you’re not too mad at me for writing so much. I know you skipped eight pages before this tops haha_

 

He was still dazed even when the announcer called his name.

 

_It felt good, knowing that I could fly._

 

He tightened his grip on the pole. If Ash was truly with him, as that idiot said, then he’ll fly with him. He then began to run.

 

He ran. He then swung and vaults into the air.

 

Then that feeling of nothingness. That sight of the sky-

 

“Okumura!”

 

“Okumura?”

 

_“_ _Eiji? Oh god, Eiji?”_

 

* * *

 

Ash sighed as he scribbled on the journal. _Ok, E-I-J-I you win. Your dick is definitely bigger. I used a tape measure._

 

“Looks like you’re in a good mood,” Shorter said as he invited himself in. “This is Ash, right?”

 

“Uhuh. My head’s still spinning,” Ash said as he closed the journal and tied the cord around his wrist again. “Why are you here so early?”

 

Shorter’s took out his sunglasses. “Arthur’s back.”  
  


* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry fam but might take awhile to give another update after this. And yes, I hope you guys aren’t mad at me because things will definitely become a roller coaster from here on out (I guess).
> 
> P.S. Based on the stuff I read, pole vaulting is a seriously dangerous sport. My respect and love for Eiji simply skyrocketed lol.


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally about to kick the plot into high gear and bury you in a deep hole of skeletons and ghosts and suffering, etc (since I’m almost done with scanlating Fly Boy in the Sky lmao, just finishing up) BUT I decided post ep-9 (I haven’t watched it yet! Currently travelling atm), and since I’m also going through some bad things right now, to upload something uplifting and Shorter-centric.
> 
> Shorter was my 2nd fave boy until Soo-Ling came along. Let’s thank Shorter for everything! You were my best man TAT (since Eiji and Sing do act like babies).

 

Shorter Wong had a knack for reading people. They say that was one of the reasons why he was the undisputed leader of Chinatown, no matter what outsiders like Skip will say. Plus despite smoking like a chimney when Ash wasn’t around to berate him about getting cancer or something along those lines, he had a decent eight-pack (Skip however keeps spreading rumours that his was four at best; Shorter asked Soo-Ling to do something about it and ended up making Skip a regular visitor at the Sings’ Restaurant).

 

He had a way of spotting the hiding wolves among the faithful sheep in his flock. Shorter knew that this gift of foresight also merits shrewdness, and being Chinese, he had those and pragmatism in spades. His dad had told him one of the major rules in the family was learning to cut losses, no matter how far their threads had run. Gangs follow the same template in a way. Aside from learning how to keep his words, and maintain that air of cool professionalism, objectivity was something he reserved when it came to business matters. Threads were cut often behind the scenes. He knew he had to wipe his hands clean every other night when he steadily expanded his networks and established Chinatown as a major power within the upper gang echelons of New York.

 

He was still human though, and some people slip through the cracks of his professional mask. The major culprit was Ash just because. The rest were not worth mentioning (Skipper would soon be though if he keeps coming to the restaurant just to spy on him every other day).

 

This was why he immediately had a hunch that Ash wasn’t himself when he tripped on his chucks that one time. Moreso when he covered his mouth the moment he thanked him. Ash’s eyes were naturally brimming with collected or flustered confidence, depending on the gravity of the situation. Next would be the body language. There would be no hesitation. His body had a tendency to be forward. If there was any slip-up, motives lurked beneath such actions. Finally, his voice. There was always a low slur simmering underneath. If Ash didn’t sound cocky or just fucking with those older pedophiles, he sounded like taut string, ever tense, raring to fight.

 

It only took one glance when Ash turned to normal that he asked him about it.

 

“Yeah, you should brace yourself for shit like that happening.” There was Ash’s usual calm mood, the boiling tension a medium high and still heating up. “If that idiot comes around again, make sure he doesn’t do anything that will kill me.”

 

“He like a split-personality or something?”

 

“Something ‘round those lines.”

 

Shorter did not bring it up again and kept his end. Not a peep from the rest. This impostor kept his act and ended up doing things wildly different from Ash’s, however, and made Ash smile. A carefree smile. No hidden connotations. He smiled, pure and simple.

This fellow also was a pain in the arse to deal with, if he had enough time for himself to be honest. His gang was getting more and more suspicious as Ash asked them to participate in soup kitchens or in those dance and rap battles happening in the street, catching attention of even the folks in Harlem. Cain personally went to teach ‘not-Ash’ how to rap and took him to their jazz club, stirring up a storm for inviting a non-black outsider. This had Ash scratching his head and nearly sticking a gun at his mouth after he repeated for the nth time how their team lost against them in basketball.

 

“Basically, even with my body, that asshole can’t shoot for shit?” he said after Shorter repeated it for the nth time almost desperately pleading for Ash to grow another brain.

 

“His record was poorer than Bones’ and that’s saying a lot.”

 

Ash groaned. “What else did he do?”

 

“He’s been learning and teaching Chinese food to your members. He also asked for Cain’s help in making Thanksgiving turkey.”

 

Ash was too shocked to even utter a word and decided to lie down instead, attempting to pull out the skin off his face as he did. “I can’t believe it. I fucking can’t believe it-“

 

“You should check your wardrobe,” Shorter noted. This made Ash curse even more as he wrenched his closet open. He opened his mouth to emit a silent scream as he saw cardigans, bomber jackets, chinos, and collared shirts. He shrunk as he eyed the row of brogues and loafers and an off-white at the bottom.

 

“The fuck is that- that piece of fucking shit- where the fuck are my jeans- my Chucks- my dignity-“

 

“He chucked them out several days ago actually,” he laughed. “Said they’re a tripping hazard or something-“ Not-Ash asked him to tour him around the garage sales in uptown Manhattan actually and managed to haggle enough items in mint condition. In addition, he also had been thinking of bringing his gang along next time. _They need new duds, gosh, Ash has no fashion sense at all…_

“The fuck does that bitch know about streetwear, motherf-“ Ash had began ripping a collar from a polo shirt apart to excuse it as a distressed Henley. “We are gonna look for my missing Chucks even if we have to scrounge every bin in Manhattan.”

 

Shorter sighed and threw him a Wong resto paper bag. “Don’t wanna get my hands dirty, big boy, so I thought on ahead.” Ash sighed in relief when he took out his converse and jeans.

 

“Still a keeper, my damn friend.” He punched his arm playfully as he began putting on the jeans. “Wonder who’d wear the pants if you ever snag some babe.”

 

“Can’t we both?” Shorter sighed. Damn whites and their standards. “Anyway, about Arthur-“

 

“That fink’s finished, no matter which angle you look at it. Know what, I should use these shoes, they look sick at this angle…” He then began to stuff them on along with the gun on his back. “You heard Max. That bald geezer’s finished. Dude has nowhere to run but here.”

 

“He still has men watching his back though.” It was all over the news. Dino attempted to fly out of the country but was barred and arrested at the airport. Max Glenreed had his exposé published and opened up a can of worms regarding the government. There were a ton of protests outside the White House. Not that it affected them, of course. Same old shit. Nothing really changed when it came to the likes of them. Not-Ash wanted to go to DC to see the commotion, but Shorter put his foot down. He was saving up cash for some new duds. “That bitch’s probably gonna come, tail between his legs, to challenge you again. I know you’d be able to take him on, but I dunno about the other guy.”

 

Ash’s face dimmed. “Uhuh, that idiot might literally kill me.” He had informed him the moment that Shorter ask that he had no control over the switchback. “Look out for me if that happens, Jesus fucking Christ, keeps pissing me off how this happened. If I’m not myself again, just make sure I avoid Arthur as much as I can… Wonder if I’ll be able to see the comet with Griff. Last thing I need is to see him scribble over how much good shit I missed.”

 

Ash kept scratching his head as he trudged along the area, berating his crew if they were not vigilant enough for the past several days. He was also less enthusiastic when they told him of the food they were making and when their next lesson in Chinatown will be. Shorter kept his familiar routine in check, making sure that he’s not home when Nadia was shagging that police officer or having Soo-Ling do his rounds while he helped Ash scrounge for some clothes. He went and tossed the clothes not-Ash bought in the farthest bin they could reach, but Shorter made excuses about missing a date with a girl to pick it up. The last time he let Ash do what he wanted when he set the comics not-Ash had gotten at a thrift shop on fire made not-Ash retaliate with plenty of jack-o-lanterns that nestled in the top corners of Ash’s room. Skip, who met with Ash that morning, told of Ash’s scream coming from the stuff of legends. Without Ash’s knowledge, he’d always do a skit whenever the other gang’s crew asked (Cain was a big fan).

 

Shorter made sure not-Ash received his clothes when he politely asked.

 

“I’ve also been thinking, of, uhm, getting Ash lessons,” he said.

 

Shorter blinked of course. “Come again?” He had the tendency to slip in formal speak whenever he saw not-Ash.

 

“You know, to be more like Ash. So people won’t suspect.”

 

Shorter adjusted his glasses. “You think this will be a permanent thing?”

 

“I don’t know,” he looked down and fumbled at the ends of his collared shirt. “Just in case, I guess.”

 

“No one will suspect anything. Your crew thinks you have occasional mood swings or something.”

 

“What about the people you told me about? That won’t take it too nicely?”

 

Shorter swallowed. “Ash told me to avoid them. Forget what I said.” He did not like how soft Ash’s eyes were when he wasn’t the one using them. He was starting to resemble that damn angel he discussed about when they were in the youth facility. Has it been three years already?

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, bowing at him. Shorter immediately propped him up and looked around. “You’re doing all these precautions and-“

 

“It’s fine. It’s not your fault that the other you has so many enemies,” he said, patting his shoulder. “Just- ok, fine, I’ll teach you how to man up and be a total Ash Lynx. Don’t report it to him, ok?”

 

In another life, he would probably see this kind of Ash. Or he probably won’t because he’d be a normal kid by then. Not-Ash bowed his head quickly and stuck out his hand.

 

“I’m Eiji. Y’know so you won’t mistake us.”

 

Shorter knew it was more to remind himself that he existed. A sad crease formed between the edges of his mouth before he smiled back. “That will be the last time I’ll see you bow like that. This won’t be a cakewalk if I want to drill you the Art of Ash. So for number 1: Always think that you’re carrying a heavy burden you can’t share with anyone.”

 

“Isn’t number 1 too deep?”

 

“Am I making myself clear, sergeant?”

 

“S-Sir yes sir? Wait, that’s how I’m supposed to reply right?”

 

* * *

 

Soo-Ling and the others couldn’t believe it when they saw him and Eiji making their rounds around Manhattan. Eiji tried talking roughly to them, but found himself ceaselessly apologising when he saw Kong about to cry. Like babies drawn to new toys, they also made their way to follow them around to see Eiji attempting to swear like a sailor of the frigid Arctic seas.

 

Whatever doubts they had about Ash’s impostor, his deadly aim was enough to shut the rest of them up along with his hand-to-hand combat skills. He managed to subdue Sing during a surprise spar, making Eiji cry instead of Sing when he cleanly dislocated his right shoulder.

 

“S’alright,” Sing turned red immediately as he popped it back to himself after a quick screech of pain. “It’s not like I’m beyond repair or something.”

 

Eiji cried again when he talked to Shorter that night after making dinner for everyone. Sing commended the improved taste of his Chinese burger and has thoughts of putting it up on their menu next time.

 

“Looks like Ash’s muscle memory’s still intact,” he said when Eiji asked him if Sing would be fine. “Guess aiming for the kill’s been ingrained into him effectively to make you do that.”

 

“I couldn’t miss my shots,” Eiji said. “Even when I wanted to, it really feels like I’m just using the body of someone else.” He lowered his voice and sounded more like the Ash he remembered. “It just made me sad.”

 

“That Ash’s a natural killer?” Shorter did not want to tell him about the multiple homicides Ash had done since he was eight. How Ash didn’t flinch nor show any emotion as he recalled each one in detail, all the while looking on ahead.

 

He shook his head slowly. “No. That I’m not scared of him at all.”

 

Shorter’s hairs stood on end after Eiji said those words. He was starting to sound like him.

 

* * *

 

He was with Nadia that evening after the usual shopping sprees at the local garage sales for Ash’s crew when she asked him about his erratic behaviour that she dubbed more as idiosyncratic than suspicious.

 

“You reckon someone hijacked Ash’s body or something- shit what the hell, Shorty?”

 

The oolong tea he was drinking dribbled from his nose and managed to reach Nadia’s arms across the table.

 

“The fuck are you with all the weird supernatural shit- you marathoning Ghostbusters again?”

 

“That was last week you piece of shit. I’m watching the Shining now from Charlie’s. Excited for Halloween, just you wait little brother, you will be sorry for scalding my baby-smooth arms…” She began using a tissue to wipe herself. “I like this Ash so far though. Quite endearing and polite. He calls me Miss Wong instead of old bimbo and makes me feel important… hmm… actually, too important. Tell him to drop that and call me big sis, ayt?”

 

“Yeah, yeah…” Shorter trailed off as he wiped his face. He was more terrified of Nadia attempting to investigate further than seeing her pale face on a ripped wooden door screeching all night.

 

“Reminds me of Ed… y’know, how earnest and adorable he is… shit, I need to get married or else I’m gonna adopt Ash in the family-“

 

“No fucking way are you marrying that moustache yet!” Shorter said. But he turned away while he wiped the table and then his cup. His sister had a point there for mentioning Ed. He called Anj, his usual and asked her if she was free so he can fuck all those worries away.

 

“I’m the girl you look for when you have something on your mind,” she deduced right away after the usual. “What’s up?”

 

Shorter nestled his head on her ample bosom. He hated soft things and preferred used mattresses than the usual. Plus he liked talking to Anj because she was louder in the boudoir than the aftermath.

 

“Got reminded of a dog we took home. Looked like someone else’s Welsh corgi…” he smiled as he gently squeezed her hand. “Sis and I called it Ed.”

 

“You never told me you liked dogs,” she said.

 

“Never thought I’d be reminded of that. Just came to our doorstep. Y’know those fucking soaps where their world turns upside down just by the appearance of a pet? Yeah, that kind of shit. We couldn’t help but loved that little shit. He was this fucking ball of light… shit, can’t wax things poetic enough.”

 

Anj nudged her head along Shorter’s neck. “You do make a great customer though.”

 

“That’s different… About Ed, it was an earnest little fellow, rarely got tired when we play it and take it for walks, plus it would make this cute yowling noise when it wanted to poop…” Shorter’s mouth thinned. “But you know how it goes. No matter how novel something is the first time, people will get sick of it eventually.” He looked at the window, at the glaring yellow light outside. Somewhere, one asshole was doing some graffiti or drinking their worries away. “And we didn’t need a dog that time. Y’know how it was when I was first starting out.”

 

“So Ed’s gone? Killed, yeah?”

 

“Little shit was poisoned. Was supposed to drink something but the dog licked it in my stead. Had to be put to sleep because of the yowling. Didn’t want to leave my side too. Turned out, the culprit was one of the cooks from a startup gang. Made sure his hands wouldn’t be able to do something as fucked up again.” He did not mention the traitor’s lack of arms. “Made sure to keep the ambitious fuckers in line.”

 

“All’s well that ends well?”

 

“That was four years ago. Just remembered that now when I was talking to my sister,” he said quietly. “That’s all.” He addressed those last words more to himself than his hooker. “Yeah, that’s all.”

 

* * *

 

He was waiting for Eiji’s novelty to wear off as he began to dress up even Soo-Ling, who one wouldn’t guess came from the slums of Chinatown. He slicked back his hair and had him don something from the west coast.

 

“You look like a bitch from Beverly Hills or something,” Skip remarked, making everyone roar with laughter.

 

Eiji scratched his head as Sing began to release his dragon fang at the rest. “He’s wearing a bomber and a shirt though… nothing too flashy. I got those high tops for cheap.”

 

“Yeah, Sing actually looks… passable,” Shorter scratched his chin.

 

“Whatever, you look like a guy from Miami Vice. Doesn’t suit your bald head at all. Ever thought about getting that wig from that second house earlier?” Sing retaliated, addressing his shocking blue suit, the pastel polo shirt, and his Sperry’s.

 

“What the f- You fucking crossed the line now, skinheads rule-“

 

Eiji attempted to pacify them by waving his gun around but it was of no use as Shorter attempted to strangle Sing with the sleeves of his jacket.

 

“Hey, hey, hey… what’s up with this damn ruckus, Boss?”

 

Shorter then wore his sunglasses and made his way between the new face and Eiji before everyone else could react. That dirty blond wave was unmistakeable. Shit. How did Arthur find them here, in an abandoned market outside of town, of all places?

 

Eiji was too slow on the uptake though. “Uh, who are you, if it’s not too rude to ask?” This earned him a jab to the ribs.

 

“The hell are you doing here Arthur?” Shorter didn’t need another Ed happening at his watch. He was as much a perfectionist as the rest of the Asian race.

 

“Relax, relax.” Arthur was also taken aback by Eiji like the rest of them. “Didn’t come here to wreck mayhem or anything. Just curious, ‘is all…” his eyes looked on slyly it took every inch of Shorter’s willpower to not punch the lights out of him. “I mean, word on the street was, Boss has been… under the weather lately.”

 

Eiji then began to laugh nervously, sending another elbow to his ribs. “Uh, what are you talking about? I’ve never felt better.”

 

“You shouldn’t be calling our Boss that, some Corsican mutt you are!” Alex then said. “You’re just here because there’s no mob protecting your back from the cops-“

 

Arthur’s glare was enough to silence him. A coy smile returned again from his lips. Eiji swallowed. His expression alone was enough for Shorter to know he has an idea of this guy being bad news.

 

“Ya cunts weren’t even here yet when Ash became the boss of lower Manhattan. ‘Sides, I came here to challenge him to a one-on-one. It’s about time you-“

 

“One-on-one?” Eiji echoed.

 

Arthur’s face really made Shorter want to punch him if not for Eiji pulling him back.

 

“I don’t think everyone’s satisfied letting you be the boss for this long,” he said waspishly.

 

“You really think so?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I mean,” Arthur was still processing Eiji’s naivety and bought Shorter enough time to grab Eiji’s wrist to make a run for it.

 

“Eh, what are you doing Shorter?” Eiji then asked.

 

“You fudging idiot. That motherfucker’s gonna take advantage of this, with you not being _you_ if it’s not too dang obvious-“

 

“Eh, but I do think he’s right. He- I mean me- uh…” He still retained Ash’s grip strength and managed to wrench himself off. “I think Arthur’s right. Uhm, thank you. I do think we need to decide on the leader. In a free-for-all, y-yes, I think that’s right.”

 

“What the f-“ Arthur was not the only one to say it. Even his men dropped their jaws on the floor.

 

Eiji nodded. “So, uh, anyone who wants to be the boss can participate. How does tomorrow sound?”

 

* * *

 

“Yeah, if it’s ok with you Cain, I’d want you to oversee along with Sing,” Eiji then said two hours later in their Harlem hideout. Shorter’s mouth was still hanging open even when he drove his bald head and his bike to ask for Bloody Cain’s assistance. “It will be fun, I promise!”

 

“Y-You call a free-for-all fun? Dang mofo, you white boys are hella hilarious-“

 

“I was also thinking of making roast chicken afterwards. Would want you guys to come with,” Eiji said, making all of them erupt in cheer. Some of them began whispering to Cain about the ingredients they’d be bringing.

 

“I’ll be damned son,” Cain continued laughing. “It’s a done deal then. Can’t wait.”

 

Shorter was still out of it even as they drove home.

 

“You ok, Shorter? Do you want us to drive to the pharmacy first-“

 

“Are you out of your goddamn mind, _Eiji­_?” Shorter made sure to hiss at his ear. Eiji laughed because it tickled. “You just earned Ash a death sentence. You know how to fucking fight, but it doesn’t mean your reflexes would be enough to keep you alive-“

 

“Eh… what are you talking about? You also signed up for the free-for-all right? Even Skip and the rest put down their names…”

 

“That’s because we don’t want you dying on us, fucking Christ-“

 

“I think you need to chill man,” Eiji tittered. “Maybe that’s why all your hair fell off…” He looked at the fourth-hand Cartier he snagged from a stock broker’s house. “Can we go to Dr Meredith’s? I got myself preoccupied with buying clothes and having fun that-“

 

“What’s with all the constant trips to the garage sale though? Not like we need any of that shit-“

 

“Oh nothing,” Eiji laughed. “I just thought that you’d get sick of this kinda life eventually. And you might want to look for jobs and you need to look presentable so…”

 

Shorter blinked. He did not expect an insightful reply. “What about the dancing and the goddamn guitar and drum lessons I have to teach them everyday?”

 

“Dunno, they’re having fun anyway. Just thought that if they kept doing it, they might be able to do it for real, I guess. I mean, you heard Kong, right? Dude will be a threat, better watch out. His shredding skills are getting better.”

 

 _Oh_. Shorter was stunned.

 

“I, uh, y’know, want them to think that the life outside the street’s not too bad. That they have a chance if they do want to enter it. Uh, that it’s not as harsh as they think as long as they work hard, I guess,” Eiji said.

 

He was getting redder and redder the more Eiji opened his mouth. It was strange. So very, very strange. There was more to him than he realized. He was not just an earnest, obedient, and playful little corgi.

 

He cared. He really gave a shit about other people, and in a way beyond what Shorter thought was possible.

 

“I mean, the time will come that I won’t be able to come back. I mean… me and Ash, it’s not a natural thing, you get what I mean? So uhm, when that time comes, and I’m not there… uhm, I hope you’ll be able to help Ash in my stead. It’s the last selfish thing I’d ask for, cross my heart…”

 

They stopped. Shorter was too preoccupied by Eiji’s words to notice that they arrived already and woke a flustered Dr. Meredith. His face lit up immediately by Eiji’s special noodles and led them upstairs.

 

Eiji’s smile was soft and sad as he sat near a sleeping Griffin’s side.

 

“He’s starting to remember my name at least. Or acknowledge that someone’s feeding him,” the doctor said. Eiji’s hand hovered over Griffin’s forehead. “You should try visiting tomorrow when he wakes up so he’ll start remembering you.”

 

“Thanks a lot, Dr. Meredith. I might come early morning since it’s gonna be a little hectic for me,” Eiji said.

 

“Nah, it’s thanks to the medicine you gave me. He’s recovering at a faster rate than I anticipated.”

“That’s good. I really wanted to bring him back home in Cape Cod to watch the comet…”

 

So Ash at least told him that much, huh? Shorter couldn’t help but smile as Eiji kissed Griffin’s forehead goodnight.

 

“…I feel kinda selfish, but I want to watch the comet too,” he said as they returned to Shorter’s place. “It’s fine though if I don’t. Ash’s great at describing, so he’ll do a good job telling me how it will go down.”

 

“Y’know, it’s ok to be selfish sometimes,” Shorter said. “And I’m ok with you coming instead, that would annoy the hell out of him.”

 

Eiji smiled wanly. “You’re the second person who told me that.”

 

Shorter thought he’d elaborate. He didn’t.

 

* * *

 

He brought his best knife form Nadia for the free-for-all battle the next day. His dread turned to relief and then to anger when Eiji adjusted the microphone in the middle of the dilapidated warehouse.

 

“Let the free-for-all Talent Show begin!”

 

Even Arthur was in a state of shock as Cain and Sing crossed both legs at the director’s chairs they snatched from who-knows-where.

 

“You didn’t tell me anything!” he was fuming as he drew number thirteenth at the ballot box. Arthur was shaking in anger and possibly apprehension as he got number 2 on his lot. “How the fuck am I gonna make something up?”

 

“You’re good at guitar, right? Sing got all your instruments set up already,” Eiji said. “We’re also gonna video record and send your stuff if all goes well.”

 

“Step up your game, peach fuzzy,” Skip stuck his tongue out as he went ahead. He got number one. Eiji cheered along with the rest as he sat on a high stool.

 

“Hey, you dumb fucks, let’s make. Some. Silence!”

 

* * *

 

Skip was a fucking force. He set the bar high from the get-go with his stand-up comedy. He even performed the crowd favourite Jack-o-lantern skit which brought the house down once his time was up. Surprisingly, Arthur also did a decent magic trick that did not look like a trick at all when he attempted to saw off his mook’s body off.

 

“How the fuck did Arthur prepare ahead? Was I really the only one kept in the dark?”

 

“Well, you never asked…” Eiji said as he propped up a metal pole in front of him. The rest built a makeshift bar using leftover Styrofoam above and a bunch of mattresses to substitute for the pit. “Anyway, you’re next, so you should do some sound check.” He exhaled. “This is my first time using Ash’s body for this, but hopefully-“

 

“The fuck are you talking about, if you make a single mistake, those rusty foundations will get you,” Shorter pointed at the bare pointed railings that crisscrossed quite menacingly on the edges of the bar. “And have you ever done this shit before?”

 

“It will work out,” he said cheerfully. “I just have to believe in Ash, I guess.” He then began to run before Shorter could say another word.

It was enough for Shorter to lower his shades and stare in awe. His body arched in perfect, fluid form and crossed the bar with ease before gravity caught him in her arms. Phenomenal. Otherworldly even. Like an eagle in mid-flight, outstretched wings caught in a millisecond of a frame.

 

It was him who ended up lifting him to stand. Eiji was the most surprised at the performance he accomplished. He kept looking at both of his hands.

 

“I did it. I really did it…” he said as everyone cheered. He leaned on Shorter’s shoulder and wept.

 

* * *

 

Eiji sat next to him as Skip said over the microphone to give him one more rum coke as he performed a new skit featuring Bones and his sewer adventures. Arthur already left when they announced Skip as the winner, too preoccupied with sour-graping to really do any harm. Of course, Skip promptly asked that his old boss to do the leading so he can pursue a career in comedy in the foreseeable future.

 

“Congrats, second placer,” he said as they clinked their beer glasses. “You killed it earlier, to be honest. I won’t forget that damn rendition. Teach me your skills, sir yes sir.”

 

“What the hell, you cheeky shithead-“ Shorter began to rub his elbows. Eiji hiccupped as he chortled along. “At least I got a place. Wonder why you didn’t snag anything though. In another life, you would have been an amazing pole vaulter.”

 

“I wonder about that…” His eyes shifted at his half-finished drink. “Sing and Cain must’ve decided not to favour me winning. Besides, I’ve had enough of being second, so milk it while you can.”

 

“Sounds like someone’s bitter.”

 

“Maybe,” Eiji was sounding more and more like Ash the more he sipped. He wasn’t hiding his walls around him. “Made me remember some stuff, I guess.”

 

“What stuff?”

 

“Nothing too important,” he waved off. “Don’t want to make the beer taste bad.” He drank some more. “Thanks. You know, for making my stay fun.”

 

 _This doesn’t sound like you._ “The heck are you talking about? You were the reason it was fun since the beginning. Truthfully, I wanted him to loosen up and you delivered. The entire 9 yards.” He added that with a quick bottoms up of Tequila. Damn the hangover the next day.

 

“You’re not sleazy like Ash told me,” he said, again with that melancholic smile stamped on his face. “He’s lucky to have a friend like you.”

 

Shorter rubbed his shoulder in response. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, I want you to know that this wasn’t possible without you making a mark on our lives. Always remember that.”

 

Eiji took a long time to respond. He drank more beer and stared at the ragged ceiling before he spoke. “When I finished my jump, it was maddening. How easy it was with this body. I’ve been reading the books in Ash’s room and I couldn’t believe how easy they were to process. How easy it was to hit the mark when I use a gun. How easy it was to defend myself, to make people notice me. If Ash really put his heart into something, I think he’ll succeed, no matter what path he takes. It frustrates me why he’s still here instead of choosing differently.”

 

“It’s not easy. You think he wanted to be exceptional, to be good at everything?” Shorter then said. “His story’s too hard for him to swallow for him to accept his gifts.”

 

“Like a classic Greek drama huh?” Eiji hesitated but then finished the last of his beer. “I can’t even get drunk on this body… gosh…” his hands began to tremble. “All he has to do is look forward. If I wasn’t Ash, it’ll be harder for me, so fucking harder, and I hate it. I hate… despising Ash for being blessed with something he doesn’t want.”

 

“It’s okay to feel envious of things we think we can’t have.”

 

He looked at his right palm and then twisted that hand left and right, as if looking for something already absent there. “You’re a good person. Ash should appreciate you more.”

 

“You don’t have to feel sorry for yourself, y’know. Despite all the good qualities Ash has, his shit still smells like shit.”

 

Eiji tittered at his analogy while Shorter looked on as he started babbling about the chicken he made with Cain. This was also a broken man. It might take more than this boss of Chinatown to help him save himself.

 

* * *

 

He was crying the moment he woke up the next day. Shorter immediately knew it was Ash, because this idiot threw him halfway across the room without giving a damn and blaming him for his hangover to boot. He was also losing his shit as he read the entry Eiji wrote the night before.

 

“Please tell me he made this all up.”

 

“Shorter’s not a man who will tell lies.”

 

“Fuck you,” he raised his arms and yawned. “He’s a fucking piece of work, huh?” Ash’s smile was even sadder than Eiji’s. “He deserved the quick break with this damn body.”

 

“What?”

 

“Never mind.”

 

Ash was more subdued as they went on their daily rounds. He also went to eat lunch with him and Nadia before visiting Griffin. They met up again just before the sun began to die in the sky at the usual rooftop.

 

“Thanks for everything. You did a good job making him feel he belonged somewhere.”

 

“Wait, is that scripted? Did he tell you?” Shorter scratched his nose in response.

 

“That came straight from the heart, you dumbass,” he huffed.

 

“Ok then, I’ll accept that, as your bestest fucking friend.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

Both of them waited as the sunset bathed them a little more.

 

“After watching the comet at Cape Cod…” Ash said. “Can you ask one of your folks to book a return trip to Japan? There’s someone I need to meet. Time to knock some sense into him and help him forgive himself.”

 

Shorter then looked up at him. Ash continued to stare at the skyscraper-stricken horizon.

 

“Your girlfriend or something?” he supplied with a laugh.

 

“Nah,” Ash managed to chuckle. “Just some lost duck that forgot he could fly.”

 

* * *

 

 

 


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What really struck me the most when I watched Kimi no Na Wa the first time, first impressions biases be damned, was Nandemonaiya aka the end-credits song. The last line, at least in Theister’s Piano version goes: “The reason I cried so happily and smiled so sadly, was because my heart had grown far beyond myself.” Hopefully, this fic would attempt to show that.
> 
> Some parts here are derived from Fly Boy in the Sky and Umimachi Diary.

Then lover and belovèd are equally unreal  
and the dreamer is no more real than his dreams.

_-TS Eliot, from The Cocktail Party_

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

 

Ash liked to believe he had Eiji all figured out. He liked figuring out people, thought that Eiji was an open typewritten book, not full of stains and erasures and contradictions like he was. His was easy to open and leaf through. This was why he had no problem opening his eyes and saw Yut Lung smiling serenely beside him.

 

He scowled back. Eiji must’ve charmed him as usual when he was away.

 

Instantly, Yut Lung’s expression changed to a face full of unbridled fury. He raised his left. “Take this!”

 

Ash gaped. Yut Lung’s smack felt like a mosquito bite. But that was beside the point. Even when he was using Eiji’s body, Yut Lung’s annoyance did not reach those levels that would merit him a slap. _What the hell did Eiji do?_

 

His reaction was five seconds too late. “Huh?”

 

“You’re back to normal,” Yut Lung panted as he winced at his reddened palm. Looks like he received more damage, that haughty weak-ass bitch. “At least you’re making that stupid face again.”

 

“Oh…” Right, he had forgotten Yut Lung hasn’t met the real owner of this body beforehand. “Shit didn’t think you’d be here.” He tried raising his body but started to feel pain at the back of his spine that made him lower his body again. He kept a straight face. “Thought you’d be riding in the sunset with that meathead bodyguard of yours.” He looked around. White curtains. That nauseating smell of ethyl alcohol. The white sheets adorning his bed. Left leg casted and suspended upwards. He rubbed both eyes feverishly. _Shit, what did that shrimp do?_

“You should be careful with your back,” said Yut Lung airily, now regaining his dignity when he smelled Ash’s befuddlement. “That was quite a fall.”

 

Ash froze.

 

“Where’s his- my yellow book?” How long had it been since Eiji gained ownership of his body? Was this the outcome of the competition? Where was his sister, for crying out loud? He had plenty of questions Eiji must be damned sure to answer.

 

“You’ve been awfully quiet since you were admitted here two weeks ago. Always looking at that journal-“

 

“ _If you don’t tell me where it is, I’ll wring that slender neck of yours,_ ” Ash gritted his teeth as he grabbed the hem of Yut Lung’s shirt, his free hand entwining the tube of his dextrose. Fractured ankle… broken vertebrae, probably. “What was the final diagnosis? And who the hell was that?”

 

Instead of having that usual conniving smirk, Yut Lung’s mouth soured. He thought he’d use a mask to hide it and taunt him some more, but the shape of his mouth continued to soften the more he let the silence creep by.

 

“What? I’ll be a goddamn cripple or something?”

 

“No, you’ll recover but…” he looked elsewhere, his voice was starting to crumble. “The doctor’s verdict still hasn’t changed. You won’t be able to jump again.” He took out the journal from a paper bag beside Eiji’s bed. “You didn’t respond to anything else especially when that man visited two days after that.”

 

“Who the hell is that?” Ash asked as he shifted through the pages. Eiji hadn’t written anything after his last entry. _Shit. Shit. Fucking hell Eiji-_

Yut Lung shrugged. “You should ask your sister when she comes back.”

 

“What are you doing here then? Letting out steam by gloating over my poor defenceless body?” He wondered what Eiji’s reaction was when the doctor pronounced those words.

 

“Maybe,” Yut Lung said. “I thought you were a fighter. Didn’t think one injury would be enough to break your spirit.”

 

“Do you pity me then?” Ash could not understand as well. He saw the array of sweets and flowers and trinkets on the counter. He had friends and probably fans supporting him. His sister was stealing Blanca from Yut Lung’s slimy clutches because she must be suffering as well. He was goddamn lucky to have them. Totally different from how he was from his experience the first time. He had no one to pull him up from the hole he never asked to be thrown into. What a fucking baby. He should grow the fuck up.

 

“No. It makes me want to completely snap your back completely. I hate people like you the most. So damn blind of the things in front of you.”

 

Ash grinned. Yut Lung and he came from the same stock, at least.

 

“Help me not bump into them too hard then.” He finally saw a small scribble at the bottom of his clumsy scrawl as he complimented Eiji’s inert abilities. He always had clean, careful handwriting. He liked pronouncing the dots in his i’s and the flourishes of his y’s.

 

This time was different. He used a pencil this time, nearly ripping the paper because of the erasures.

 

_You were wrong. Sorry about that._

 

Eiji was hiding under ambiguity now. A first. “And,” he then said to a sulking Yut Lung. “Entertain me while you’re at it. Lying on bed every day makes people sore, y’know. Tell me about yourself.”

 

Wasn’t this how Eiji befriended the lot of them?

 

* * *

 

“Blanca told me what Yut Lung did earlier. That's what happens when you introduce yourself in Mandarin when he's proud of being from Hong Kong. Brush up on your Cantonese next time, yo,” his sister said two hours later, suspiciously carrying one massive trolley and one tiny one. She told him earlier that an orthopaedist would be visiting later to do a series of tests. “Speaking of which, now that you’re, uhm, livelier, can you tell me what the deal was with Mr Beefcake a week ago?”

 

Ash tried to swat her away when she tried to hug him. “Is this what Yut Lung kept rambling about?“

 

“Yeeees, he even told me that your taste is starting to become palatable,” she said with a dreamy expression before pirouetting around his bed. “He was this tall, with that broad back and that jawline that could saw my arm off, hubba hubba - I think Shun-san knows him better, he’s the Ei-chan otaku-”

 

“Who the hell are you talking about? And who’s Shun-san?” He was bad at remembering people he did not give two fucks about, to be honest. He was getting more pissed off that he wasn’t getting any prior warning from Eiji at all. He should be ready when he smacks his ass, that conniving pipsqueak.

 

“You’re pretending you don’t know Shun-san since you started avoiding him, eh?” she raised an eyebrow. “Whatever, just make sure to thank him later when he picks us up.”

 

“Picks us up, huh?” Eiji should stop making him look like a bumbling idiot!

 

“It’s supposed to be a surprise… But because I’m such a good sister with a doctorate in disclosing bombshells… We’re leaving tonight, Eiji! Yut Lung and Blanca will be coming too!”

 

Just after his check-up? What the fuck? “Where?”

 

“I called your mom a few days ago,” she smiled and Ash was starting to see the complicated knots binding the chords of the red rope Eiji bound on his journal. It was frayed around the ends. “We’re going home.”

 

* * *

 

“Remind me why I’m picking up all of your- fuck- offerings? You some kind of god?” Yut Lung panted as he pulled two large bags full of gifts and well-wishes from Eiji’s friends and fans. It turned out that the big guy gave him two boxes of wasanbon sweets and budo and grape mochi. His sister had already eaten half of the contents in each.

 

“You jealous?” Ash smirked as her sister pushed his wheelchair. The doctor advised that he used a wheelchair despite being fitted a Boston brace already. Turned out his back injury was less because of his fall straight to the plant box and more on his nonstop practices, resulting in enough trauma that may potentially end Eiji’s pole vaulting career. That was some dark stuff for the likes of Eiji. Based on his muscle memory alone, this guy had really thrown everything to experience barely three seconds of flight per jump.

 

His hands touched his last words on the journal. Numbskull must’ve taken his words too much to heart.

 

“Excuse me! I received a Lamborghini from one of the most powerful families in Hong Kong when I fell ill! Your gifts are nothing more than small change to mine-“

 

“Must be sad if your gifts only come from ass-kissers. Blanca told us you don’t have any friends-“

 

“Blanca, how dare you? Take my bags as compensation for your outlandish remarks!”

 

“Do you want to carry these instead, your highness?” Blanca winked as he pulled and carried multiple trolleys and duffels (the largest ones were Yut Lung’s) with barely a sheen of sweat running down his forehead.

 

“Y-You can carry mine as well! These aren’t as heavy-“

 

“If those aren’t as heavy, then why can’t you carry them? What will Huang Lung say if he finds out-“

 

“F-Fine, I’ll carry it, you stubborn old geezer! Don’t want that asshole thinking I’m a useless toothpick, I’ll show him-“

 

Ash rolled his eyes. His sister was keen on humming along with nary a care on what was happening.

 

“Why are these bums coming along?” he asked. They were now walking towards the train station because his sister had apparently forgotten to utilise Yut Lung’s connections and would have taken a damn car.

 

His sister smacked him in response, injuries be damned. “Be nice, you little mutt! If it weren’t for our cute Yeet here, our fingers would be cut off already. He asked _aniki_ to have us accompany him to the famed hot springs of Shimane.”

 

“Did he really use that excuse, seriously?”

 

“Yup!” his sister grinned, making him wish that he was back in New York because things made _much more sense_ there. “I also think it will help you, with the springs’ medicinal properties. Blanca will assist of course-“

 

At the mention of his name, he heard Yut Lung muttering something in Chinese that sounded quite ominous even if he was yards away.

 

“Oh, Shun-san!” his sister then called out in front of them as Ash was pushed up the ramp. A lone man was waving back, clothes frayed with the same sad moustache and bedhead. Eiji should definitely choose another president of his fan club if this geezer was really him…

 

“Ei-chan…” he said as patted both his shoulders. “So good to see you… and how are you?”

 

It took a few more minutes after Blanca’s for Yut Lung to arrive and introduce himself. His expression was like he saw a cockroach nestling snugly on his bed.

“Shun-san here pulled some strings for us to get the best seats in Sunrise Izumo!” she said petulantly.

 

“Who paid for it?” Ash knew he did not need to ask.

 

“Our beloved guests of course,” she raised her hands at Yut Lung’s and Blanca’s direction. “Kay, let’s go in. Shun-san, I’ll carry your stuff. Just mind Eiji, there we go…”

 

Sure enough, Shun managed to push him up the train and into the cramped halls towards the doors of their adjacent rooms with minimal effort.

 

“Why is there only one bed here?” Yut Lung demanded. “I want twin beds, dammit!”

 

“You said to give you the best seats…” Eiji’s sister trailed off. “I think Blanca-san can sleep in the opposite room, we’ll just take the other one.”

 

“Can’t His Highness sleep alone? Is he still afraid of the stories I tell him?”

 

“You underestimate me far too much Blanca. I’ve outgrown those fairy tales of yours. You will be sleeping in the opposite room, right?”

 

  _What a baby._ Ash didn’t even bother to say this out loud as he was wheeled onto their rooms.  
  
“I probably have to sleep with Eiji, in case he needs to take the bathroom or something…” she raised her hand to Ibe after he helped settle Ash to bed. “It’s fine, so you don’t have to sleep on the floor.”

 

“Ok then, well good night, Rin, Eiji.” He ruffled Ash’s hair before he retired.

 

The room was modestly spacious and managed to fit him and his sister. There was a mirror and sink on the right side of his bed, the long window on his left. There was also a desk with a lamp on the far end. This was where his sister sat as she also began removing her toiletries from her bag.

 

“Crap, I forgot to brush your teeth! Did I bring a plastic cup…”

 

“We can worry about that in the morning, geez,” Ash sighed before taking out the pillow and throwing it in her direction.

 

“What the hell, Eiji. If you don’t put this to rest your head, I’m gonna sic this toothbrush on that dogbreath mouth of yours… yes, that’s it,” she cackled before yawning. Her glasses were now at the table. Without them, her eyebags were more visible.

 

“I’ll help take out your contacts before we forget again… You should thank Shun-san for always giving you a pair every year.” He had completely forgotten that Eiji did not have perfect vision. He managed to give them to her, to which she quickly began to clean with some cleaning solution she stowed under her jacket. “Thanks,” she then paused. “Thanks, y’know.”

 

“For what?”

 

It was the first time he saw her sister hesitate. “You went along with this.”

 

Ash yawned. “I always roll along with it.”

 

She smiled ruefully. “Nah, you never agree to this. You said when you came with me to Tokyo that you won’t ever come back.”

 

This made sleep lessen its grip on Ash. He could not even look at her, because he knew one look would be enough to give him away this time. This was one of the things that he was sure Eiji was not willing to forget.

 

“Let’s visit dad after we say hi to your mom and little sis,” she said in a hushed voice as she rubbed her eyes. It wasn’t because of sleep. She then bade him goodnight.

 

Ash grabbed the journal he had kept under his shirt and flipped through the pages. Cramped in the last page was a ripped piece of paper that Eiji cleverly taped along the back with a sheet so tiny it was barely visible. Ash taped it at the bottom of his last entry. His mouth curled as he read Eiji’s last four words.

 

* * *

 

There was something more to Eiji’s book than those clean, typewritten pages. He wasn’t the only one to realise this.

 

“She’s not your real sister, is she?” It was Yut Lung’s turn to push his wheelchair once their train arrived in a misty morning in Izumo. Ash inhaled. The air smelled much cleaner. Reminded him of a town he cursed as much as Eiji.

 

“You can tell?” Rin was now chatting nonstop with Blanca in front of them, while Shun was making his rounds in front to buy their return tickets.

 

Since their arrival, Yut Lung was more dishevelled than he showed. He looked groggy, his fringe not slicked back as pompously as it usually was. Ash inwardly snickered at this. Blanca must have given him one hell of a good night’s sleep.

 

“I heard from her conversation with Blanca that she’s not from Izumo, but this was where your dad settled down,” he said quietly. “Guess I was wrong to think you had a picture-perfect family.”

 

Ash said nothing. In retrospect, she was six years older than him. She must be an only child on her mum’s side.

 

“Eiji! It’s _imouto-chan_!” his sister then said as she waved at her direction. Her little sister was almost identical to him. Same button nose and build, same thick hair...

 

“Still being reckless again, nii-chan!” she said bossily at him. “Ya might have another fight with ma when she sees ya. I’ve brought some tea from _Minoya._ Y’bought the _wagashi_ from Kagawa, yeah?”

 

“Hmm… you also got the local sake? Blanca over here’s a sceptic with that shit, all-high brow bourgeoise shit. This stuff is better than that Bordeaux BS you keep telling me about-“

 

“I prefer Chilean wine, mademoiselle-“

 

“Shut up with the faux French. I’m gonna prove to you that Izumo soba ain’t some plebeian noodles you keep comparing it to.”

 

Yut Lung managed to break the skin on Ash’s arm from pinching him too hard.

  
  
“What the heck, you Chinese bitch!”

 

Eiji’s sister opened her mouth. Ash quickly attempted to rectify the situation. “It’s nothing, I apologise, Yut Lung… this is my little sister-“

 

Yut Lung was too busy staring into space as they followed Eiji’s little sister to the bus stop that Ibe had to step in to prevent Ash from falling.

 

“Heard Mizuno came to visit you.”

 

At least the damn old man was useful during their first encounter alone. His opinion of Shun shifted a few inches from 'plague' to 'can be talked to'. “Did my sister tell you?”

 

“Uhuh, must be quite a shock to you to not respond after that. I mean, he was your rival since you started competing and that was the first time you ever talked.”

 

A small chill crept up in Ash’s spine. What the hell did that bastard say to Eiji to mess him up that much? He should ask his sister if he left a number or anything. He will give that motherfucker a piece of his mind.

 

“H- I always lost to him…” he managed to not phrase it as a question to his relief. There was this neurotic obsession with Eiji, as evidenced by his constant practising and exasperated friends who noted how laidback Eiji was while Ash was there.  Must be because he kept losing to that bastard more often than he used to.

Before Ash knew it, they were already in the bus station. Shun made sure to sit at the front.

 

“Remember when I visited you here the first time?”

 

 _No, you clueless geriatric._ “I guess. Feels like a long time ago.” He definitely would bag the best actor award if Shorter was there. How about that, Eiji?

 

“Yeah, it’s been only three years, but it feels like a long time,” Shun laughed. Ash flinched at this. It was good he was talking to a sentimental geezer at least. “You were a lot quieter and more unsure of yourself. Now look at you.”

 

God, any more of this drama and he was sure going to barf. “What? Now I’m the dude in the wheelchair?” He was sure that Eiji was just more cautious and sensible than the guy he eventually became.

 

“Guess Tokyo suits you more than this quiet town…” he said as he stared at the window. They were now crossing the bridge on top of a spindly, glimmering river. Ash could not help but stare. “At least you’re starting to learn how to stand up for yourself.”

 

Ash laughed. He wasn’t sure altogether if that’s the truth with Eiji. There were things aplenty he was not too sure with this _nihonjin_. “Dunno what you mean,” he said honestly. “I just learned how to make more friends, I guess.”

 

At the back, Blanca and his elder sister were still arguing, while Yut Lung was showing Eiji’s sister his array of needles. He looked outside again. The roads were dingier, the mountains more foreboding, the greenery more vibrant and common than the earthen-coloured houses. It felt more claustrophobic here than Tokyo. He thought of Eiji and whatever shenanigans he and Shorter were cooking up again.

 

He imagined Eiji smiling and then his written plea hidden at the end of his notebook, away from prying eyes except Ash’s.

 

_Do what I couldn’t._

 

* * *

 

He did not expect to see Eiji’s mother to be so homely. He did his best to tighten his hold around her. He had no clue how to embrace people, aside from the fuckers who tried to smother him on their dank beds.

 

“I’m home, ma.” Those words tasted so damn foreign in his mouth. Shit, he knew he was about to tear up, but the years of image-training himself shooting Golzine in the head helped him keep a straight face. Shorter should definitely shortlist him in when he returns.

 

Rin bowed at her politely and got a longer hug from her than what she gave Ash. “I can’t thank you enough for roping Eiji here.”

 

“Couldn’t have done it without our other guests,” she said before introducing the rest one by one. Shun bowed politely. Yut Lung as well. Blanca, however, made an effort to kiss her hand, to his little sister’s shock. His mom nervously looked at Ash’s direction before bowing in embarrassment. _That… was a strange expression._

Aside from that, however, their breakfast went by without a hitch. Rin was now having Blanca chug down the miso soup after their _taimeshi_ and whitebait. Yut Lung was even asking for seconds, to Ash’s surprise. Who knew he had a passable taste with good food at least? His mother made sure they did not nibble the _wasanbon_ confectionery and reserved it for tea time later.

 

“We’ll be visiting dad then,” Rin sang out when they finished cleaning up.

 

“Kay, I’ll show ‘em around!” said his little sister. “Ma’s going to work anyway.”

 

“Don’t forget to bring flowers to his grave, Rin-san,” his mom said as they put on their shoes. Rin hollered an ‘I will’ and the two set off.

 

The bus ride was a subdued affair after they bought a small bundle of chrysanthemums. His sister had a fixed smile on her face throughout their ride it began to creep the shit out of Ash.

 

“You’re not my brother, are you?” she said nonchalantly once they passed a curb where there was a distant view of the ocean hidden by the rows of evergreen trees and shrubbery. This made Ash shudder slightly more than her carefree awareness.

 

“Was it because I did not utter a word of complaint?” he replied with a disarming smile. Two can play at that game. He looked on ahead at the shimmering asphalt road. They passed the river mouth. On their left, he saw clusters of fishing boats docking gently against the rolling tide.

 

“You know the real reason why you came to Tokyo with me despite not standing my lazy ass?” she said coolly. “We did not like dad that much.”

 

Ash looked on dumbly. She adjusted her glasses as she drifted off to sleep beside him. He can relate with nary a hint of condemnation. He had underestimated Okumura Eiji. He was a better person at hiding his storms.

 

Both of them stopped at a small cemetery near the park. His sister lowered the flowers at the tall tombstone in the back. Both of them lit the incense and put their hands together. It barely took five minutes before his sister finished and he followed her towards the seaside park just across. On top of a rock was a small shrine made of unpainted wood and metal. She called it a _torii._

 

“Inasa no Hama beach. We usually welcome the gods here during the Kamiarizuki but we won’t make it this year. The first time I did take part was the last time you set foot in here.”

 

He did not know whether she did realize he wasn’t Eiji in this body.

 

“I think that was also the time I visited dad after the funeral. Let’s keep it a secret from your mom,” she said as she pushed him near the edge of the beach. The sun was doing its wonders on the ocean despite the trail of wispy clouds lingering. “The first greeting I did after so look around, pull down my skirt, and squatted just enough. My bowel was quite full that day.” There was that cool indifference again as she narrated her story. “And you know what was the first thing you said when I came to visit at your house? You apologised for being born, can you believe that? Gosh, during that time I didn’t know if I should hate mom or dad more.”

 

Ash looked on at the sand that shifted from muddy yellow to dirty white.

 

“I wish that mom didn’t visit at the funeral, I guess. I used to hate dad so much. People loved him here, you loved him too. Wish mom didn’t come to take that image away from you. You would have never left.”

 

She inhaled, stopping just at the age of the waters then kicked off her shoes. She wasn’t wearing any socks. She then began to walk on the salty spray, ignoring her ankle-length jeans.

 

“I guess time has been kinder than crueller now,” she said as she looked at her sandy toes. Ash was just a few feet away. He could still hear her despite the lapping of the waves. “I hope that it’s the same with you. At least you have a bigger heart than mine.”

 

It was the longest time that Ash did not know what to say. The light from the sea was harder to catch sight of. His sister still had not turned to face him.

 

“We don’t need to compare whatever size you think our hearts are,” he said, wondering why he was still talking. “Just be happy… that yours grew more than last time.” It was like eating sand. He gripped the spine of his journal more tightly. He chewed the words that left Eiji’s fingers on the damn book.

 

What exactly did Eiji see ahead when he wrote those lines, as he sat on this wheelchair, as he saw his rival, as he saw the man his father really was? He had asked himself what kind of asshole god would have them switch their bodies, with Eiji changing the lives of his men, while he was making Eiji’s body a product of his clusterfuck whims.

 

But now he understood, at least to the best of his ability why.

  

_Do what I couldn’t._

 

His sister bore her usual smile as she greeted the rest when they returned. She asked their little sister if she still had their parents’ kimonos for the _matsuri_ at the beach later and mischievously set her sights at Yut Lung, who was now keen on hiding behind Blanca, pride be damned.

 

Ash looked at the words Eiji wrote and asked Shun, who was looking on at his three companions if he had a pen. He made a fist with his free hand as he wrote a reply on Shun's back.

 

_Then hold my hand. We’ll do it together._

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Shun is Ibe. Clarifying because you guys might get confused.
> 
> GUYS GUYS GUYS I AM OVERWHELMED THANK YOU. The support for this fic is surreal and I don't want to think too much but you guys are making me really hesitant in posting a chapter ^^"
> 
> Anyway, thanks a lot! I hope you like it LMAO. I will post a longer guide regarding the sights in Shimane Prefecture in the next chapter but yes, I did a ton of digging and was surprised how en-musubi originated in Izumo! So yes, this one is much easier to swallow. In the end, I didn't make this a field trip chapter but will do so in the next one I promise! AAAA
> 
> Some notes worth mentioning:
> 
> -[Spondylolysis](https://prezi.com/putnbapu5t-6/pole-vault-injuries/) is a career-ending injury according to [this article](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/25596615). I think I'll need to elaborate on this more but still yeah I wish I did more research but yes IDK I have a ton of stuff to research aaa.
> 
> -[The Sunrise Izumo leaves every 10 PM](https://www.jrailpass.com/blog/night-trains-sunrise-express). One of the last overnight trains in Japan now, this was the go-to train back in the day. If you buy the cheapest seats, you sleep on the carpeted floor with the rest.
> 
> -Wagashi are traditional Japanese sweets. Wasanbon's a store in Kagawa prefecture that makes high-class traditional wagashi. [Budo Mochi](http://sweetsbank.com/presentation-of-souvenirs-nippon-wagashi-confectionery-kagawa-prefecture/) are also great!
> 
> -Finally, [50 things to do at Shimane](https://www.timeout.com/tokyo/things-to-do/50-things-to-do-in-shimane) I AM SUPER EXCITED FOR THE PLACES THEY'LL BE GOING TO.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who initially wrote this to get her mind off overthinking how the fic will pan out yet still ends up doing it anyway ^^" 
> 
> Because of the sheer length, their Izumo trip will be divided into two parts. Here is Part 1.
> 
> Ok enough with the drama and let's enjoy the Land of the Gods!

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

 

When Eiji opened his eyes, he thought he would be in Ash’s body again. That would be the best outcome. However, he figured the gods never did favour him enough when he saw a familiar figure standing on his right, holding a paper bag. He knew who it was from that buzzcut and his tall figure, that wide back. Aside from Ash, there was only one person he knew who’d cut a towering silhouette like that. He knew all too well. He had been standing with him on the podium since middle school.

 

In other words, his rival and the number one pole vaulter in Japan, Mizuno Kazuhiko, was there.

 

“What are you doing here? H-How?” he now understood why Bones and the rest had those looks on their faces when he appeared to greet them for the first time. It is difficult to cope with something that seemed unbelievable.

 

He blinked at him and began to laugh. “H-Hi, uhm, I didn’t expect… I’m sure you have a lot of questions…”

 

They had been attempting to cross the same bar for the past five years but never really had a chance to interact beyond the pit. Mostly it was because Eiji found it really awkward, and during competitions in middle school, he would have this awful bowl cut that was shorn so short it made him look like a literal mushroom and made him return home immediately before people would ask. Mizuno did attempt to strike a conversation during their last competition in middle school, but Eiji spilled his drink on his shirt when he turned around and he did his best avoiding him ever since. Come to think of it, how much did he remember that time? Gosh, now that he thought of it, his journey during his secondary education was pretty embarrassing.

 

“I’m Mizuno- Mizuno Kazuhiko. Uh, we’re always in nationals together…” he stuck out his large hand and Eiji thought he was going to puke at the whirlwind that suddenly struck land the moment he woke up.

 

“I know.” This was getting really weird. Was his sister dazzled by how he looked like a man almost her age or how charming his bashfulness was now and let him in? He did not have the same vibe as Ash as he put the box of sweets he got back from Kagawa, his birthplace, with the other array of flowers and further gifts that were piling up just beside the doorway. He must have been unconscious for awhile for a small mound to be forming. It was like some pilgrimage or something.

 

Mizuno, despite his massive build, looked utterly normal. There was no hesitation in his face, and none of his expressions seemed calculated. His eyes were warm. “You’ve been asleep for four days,” he said to answer his unspoken question. Mizuno must’ve been visiting during those days then. Eiji found himself screeching inside his head. He wasn’t a fan of discomfort and absurdity, especially with how friendly his supposed rival of five years was to him. Must be pity. _I mean, look at me-_  
  
“Uhm, thanks, for visiting…” He did not want to ask further any w-related questions. He must’ve looked pitiful when he jumped and failed to fly.

 

“No problem…” He probably couldn’t stand how frigid the air became and Eiji found himself being hopeful for someone to open the door and interrupt. Gosh, it would have been better to see his sister slamming the door open and complaining about not being present in his competition as his lucky charm. He knew already that Mizuno was approachable and kind and must have a girlfriend already, but it is difficult to talk to someone euphemised as your ‘enemy’ for a long time without actually knowing how.

 

“Must be weird,” Eiji attempted to ease the tension by not looking straight in his eyes. “I mean, we never talked-“ _And I ran away when you did try to reach out-_

“We were never really in the best position to talk,” he said, chuckling now. “Until, you know-“

 

Judging from this concern, this guy must be the first one who tended to him after he fell. Maybe that’s why he was even allowed to visit him. So many assumptions that Eiji wanted to either be proven or rejected but he found himself unable to open his mouth.

 

“I never really told you this, but I’m happy to have shared the same world with you, even if we never really interacted.” He must have used his time to practice his lines enough before he woke up. Eiji found his cheeks still flaring up though. It was just like those sports series he had been consuming since he was a kid.

 

“Uhm, I feel the same, I guess…” Oh my gosh, was it really too late to pop some sleeping pills in and pass this shit to Ash instead? He could come up with a clever comeback. He didn’t really want to look like a fool in front of Mizuno, of all people.

 

“I’m sorry, I thought that I’d be prepared- I mean, I’ve been coming back and forth and thought that I’d be ready, but-“

 

So that was it. Eiji felt three bags of cement crushing his face. It must be this bad, huh, to make a person who technically should be more focused on his record to attempt cheering him up.

 

God, so this was all he was in the end. “It’s fine. I mean, look at me, I trained so hard and this is where I end up.”

 

“I’m sorry,” he was quick on the uptake at least. “I didn’t want to sound too condescending…”

 

“I’m sure you don’t need to…” Eiji looked ahead, at his suspended left foot, felt the metal brace on his back and the aching that followed. “It’s this bad, huh?” He attempted to laugh. “And honestly, the press was exaggerating. Always were. Since high school, it was always one-sided. I lacked the body the sport required. This was bound to happen sooner or later.” He got ahead of himself again when he made a promise then to jump on ahead and show Ash the sight of the sky. He then felt shame when Ash wakes up in his body and saw the extent of his damage. He found himself attempting to laugh once again. “I guess I wasn’t lucky enough to keep standing in the same world as you.”

 

He only bit his lip. “Out of all the people I’ve competed with, none even came close to what you did. Despite the odds, despite everything-“

 

Eiji smiled. “I loved pole vaulting too much to ignore the red flags. It caught up with me, ‘is all. So this is it, huh? I only needed to cripple myself to have a chance to talk to you.”

 

“I won’t allow you to quit. There’s still a shot- If you believe and work even harder-“

 

“They sound like big words now… I guess… I did try a ton of stuff to compensate- you know how genes are a bitch sometimes… but there’s only so much you can do. Just took me too long to accept that.” Eiji looked up and saw the white ceiling and the row of lights. Some insects were attempting to fly there, attracted by the cool brightness. The sky was a milky blue outside. “I’m sure it would’ve been nice to have been friends with you, even though I spat on you accidentally that one time- sorry about that… but…” Eiji closed his eyes. “This is the end of the line for me. I mean, if a miracle does happen and I can walk again, it doesn’t mean that I can jump as high as before, much less likely beyond. I won’t be much of a competition to you, if ever, so, uhm, thanks again for the visit and the sweets. I’m sure my sister would love them.” He wanted to say further to make his dreams come true or something, but the thought of throwing excess baggage to burden someone else made him queasy.

 

“Just take a break for now then,” he then said. “I just… I wish you a speedy recovery.”

 

“Thanks,” Eiji couldn’t even put up a decent smile. “I’m sure you’ll do well ahead of me.”

 

He kept staring at the ceiling even after he closed the door.

* * *

 

There were three things that everyone each ended up packing during their entire stay in Izumo when they visited spots: Food, beverage, and yukata.

 

By then, Ash knew that his sister had deliberately planned this trip for a long time now. There were already roles assigned to each of them during the trip: She was the tour guide, Shunichi the photographer, Blanca as Ash’s personal assistant, and Yut Lung the golden goose. The latter wasn’t pleased at all with the arrangement.

 

“Can’t he take care of himself?” he pointed at Ash like pointing at cobwebs in his pristine house. He tied his hair back this time in a high ponytail and decided to wear a rather large straw hat and purple-tinted Ray Bans.

 

“Well, he can, but someone needs to assist him up the stone steps. Some shrines aren’t exactly wheelchair-friendly.”

 

“Let’s just not go then!”

 

“Hold up, snake, we’re going. Blanca’s ok with it,” Ash called out.

 

“My role is reasonable, Your Highness,” Blanca confirmed. His hair was also slicked back, as usual. “Unless, of course, you want to-“

 

“Most definitely not!” Yut Lung was red-faced, either at Blanca’s audacity, his defeat, or both. “And why am I the golden goose? Can’t I be the golden moon?”

 

“What?” Rin’s ‘a’ was long and pronounced. “You’re like our financier… just called you a golden goose because that shit’s rare.”

 

“It doesn’t exist!”

 

“So do golden moons,” Ash shrugged.

 

“T-Then just call me your financier or something!” he said before storming off.

 

“Actually,” his sister whispered at Ash’s ear. “He’s too young and too sour to be called a sugar daddy. Plus geese are cute!”

 

“You think that brat’s cute?” Ash forced back a laugh and keenly turned to Blanca who shrugged in reply.

 

“You guys are really mean to him. That’s why he acts so obnoxious, gosh…” She then took out a massive folding paper fan she got from the house and then led the way.

* * *

 

 

For Ash, Eiji’s hometown was bucolic yet felt oddly more alive than New York. It was something he could not quite put a finger on for coming to such a conclusion.

 

Maybe it was because he was a tourist who felt like he was actually leaving America for the first time. Tokyo was too similar to New York, in a way, all urban jungle with creepy crawly people invading every possible space. Izumo… did not feel like that. Houses were scattered, roads were smaller, and mountains were ominously peeking out from their surroundings. The people also did not feel as mechanical.

 

“Did you know,” his sister said as they made their way near the beach they went to earlier. “That every tenth month of the lunar calendar, all the gods in the country would come to Izumo for their annual weekly meeting to discuss the _en_ of the humans in the coming year.”

 

“En?” Even Blanca’s flawless Japanese had limits. Ash grinned wickedly at this.

 

“ _En_ is the link between living things, with people and nature…” His sister even brought a big sketchbook and brush pen to draw the character with fierce relish. “Which brings us to a famous word in these parts. _En-musubi_. It’s even the name of the airport here!” She then drew two more characters beside the _en_. “ _Musubi_ is based on _musubu_ , a verb that means ‘to bind.’ Hence, _en-musubi_ becomes the act of linking fates, binding ties, or for those romantics out there-“ her eyes shift to a Yut Lung who was fanning himself in a corner, the sack of their strewn refreshments carelessly lying beside him. “Matchmaking. But _en-musubi_ doesn’t merely translate to relationships; it means so much more as we’ll see later.”

 

“What does that have to do with this beach?” Yut Lung panted as he then took off his windbreaker to reveal a sleeveless dirty white linen shirt.

 

“Well, this beach, or Inasa-no-hama beach- remember earlier, Eiji- is where all the gods first begin their procession up to Izumo Taisha during this tenth month, or the _Kamiarizuki_. We will be walking the road they will be marching in up to our real first stop for today.”

 

Ash could hear Yut Lung groaning.

 

“This beach also plays a large role to a famous legend regarding the god of _en-musubi_ , and the main deity of Izumo Taisha, Ookuninushi. But we will discuss him in detail later.  Now off we go. You sure you can manage by yourself, Blanca?” Rin turned to them as Blanca began pushing Ash behind the rest.

 

“I’ve carried heavier dead weights than your little brother over here. Don’t worry, mademoiselle,” Blanca smiled in that sickly sweet way of his, making Rin pull up the bird.

 

“That oily expression of yours make me sick,” Rin rolled her eyes as she went ahead.

 

“She must be the first woman not to fall for that icky French of yours,” Ash smirked as they followed her. “You should worry more about that your master. Might pass out,” he pointed his thumb at Yut Lung, who was already holding the handrails as he tried keeping up.

 

“The third one, actually, after my wife and the one in Amsterdam,” he said. “Your sister is not as special as you think.” 

 

Ash grinned. “Yut Lung’s staring daggers at us. Last thing we need is a person not willing to pay for our dinner and onsen.”

 

“You heard that right! Carry me this instant, Blanca!” Yut Lung was too pitiful for Ash to comment on. Blanca ended up carrying his bag, though, but it made Yut Lung keep up.

 

“Did they triple your old salary, that’s why you keep up with him?” Ash then said as they now walked on the side of the bridge, where a white _torii_ made of concrete was at the end of a short bridge. _Uga-_ bridge, as his sister called it. The white archway, or the _Shinmon-dori_ was the first out of the four _toriis_ that led to the shrine, and also the biggest. All of them bowed in front.

 

“His highness cooks unexpectedly scrumptious food,” Blanca said. “I will never get enough of his baby squid.”

 

“Yeah, and?”

 

“He asked me directly to work under him. He was only six that time. His mother was violated and killed by his brothers. Not exactly a quaint childhood.”

 

“You must have doted on him too much then to have this brat we have today.”

 

“If I wasn’t there sooner, he would have become a fearsome leader of the Lee family. His brothers might have mysteriously died by then as well,” Blanca said. “But yes, this is the child that I ended up shaping. I guess this is why I never had a child.” He chuckled after saying the last sentence.

 

In a few minutes, they arrived at the second _torii_ , considered to be the main gate of the shrine. This time, his sister forced all of them to take a touristy picture in front of the wooden archway, to the teenagers’ reluctance. The road was a gentle slope, past pines and evergreens and passed by a small wooden shrine called Harai-no-yashiro, a purifying shrine. After passing an arched bridge, they reached the third _torii_ , an iron structure in the middle of two columns of pine. After going to the _temizuya_ to purify their hands and mouth (Ash was laughed upon for drinking the water), they passed by the statue of Ookuninushi and bowed in front of the last _torii_ , the oldest bronze archway that led to the front shrine, past the gate or the Hassokumon.

 

“This shrine’s famous for couples,” his sister said as their feet rippled past the small stones in the ground. “Gets crowded around Valentines and Kamiaruzuki... Also has one of the largest _shimenawa_ in Japan,” she said pointing at the massive straw rope bordering the front shrine. “Serves as a barrier that separates the deity’s world and the present world.”

 

It took awhile for Ash to take in the majestic view in front of him as he and Blanca followed the rest in ringing the bell (Ash covered his ears because he did not expect it to be so loud), placing the five yen offering in the box near the main hall.

 

“Make sure you are specific with your home address so that the good luck will find you,” his sister added in a sing-song voice.

 

“You should’ve told us that earlier!” Ash and Yut Lung said in unison. Ash thought of Eiji as he tossed another 5 yen.

 

“What’s special about this shrine compared to the other shrines we’ll be visiting is that you have to clap four times instead of the usual two. This is because you’re also praying for your loved one too. And Izumo Taisha is popular from granting any match-making prayers, and I mean any…”

 

Yut Lung was the first to pay his respects before the rest of them could react.

 

“Their love charms are also really effective-“ Rin added, sending Yut Lung to the amulet store. “Gosh, our golden goose is really energetic…”

 

“You’re not fucking with us when you said this shrine can grant any match-making prayers right?” Ash raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yup,” his sister said before performing her respects with the rest. “Why, you thinking about Mizuno-kun?”

 

“O-Of course not! How the hell did you know about that?“

 

“I already told you that I have a PhD in rumor-mongering,” she tittered. “Anyway, you can also pray for a beloved family member or anyone really. I haven’t told poor Yeet though that it’s bad to visit Izumo Taisha with your significant other if you aren’t married yet… oh well!”

 

“You’re quite a devil, mademoiselle,” Blanca laughed. He hadn’t left his position behind Ash.

 

“Not gonna pray?” she snorted. “Afraid of what I said earlier? It’s all superstition though, didn’t think you were a person who believes that crap.”

 

“I wonder…” his lip curled slightly. Yut Lung was coming to them, a teabag charm on his left hand.

 

“Hey Yeet,” his sister then proceeded to ignore him and began pointing at the shimenawa in front of them. “They say if you stick 45 yen on the straw rope you will get good luck. Up for the challenge?”

 

They then continued walking to the Higashi-Jukusha where the deities stay while visiting in Izumo. As they neared the verdant canopy of trees that led to a small shrine where the Kama-no-Yashiro resided and the Soga-no-Yashiro, where Susanoo-no-Mikoto was, his sister began narrating the story of Okuninushi.

 

“Okuninushi was Susanoo-no-Mikoto’s son-in-law,” she said as they paid their respects by bowing and clapping twice, then bowing again. “He saved a rabbit on their journey towards Inaba along with his brothers. Heard that there was this pretty goddess called Yagami-hime and they all wanted her hand in marriage. However, because Okuninushi was one big pushover, he ended up lagging behind them and was the last to encounter the rabbit. Gave it effective advice to heal its flayed skin. It rewarded him with a premonition of Yagami-hime becoming his bride. Hence, the cute rabbits littering the grounds of Izumo Taisha.” She pointed at a bronze statue of Okuninushi and the rabbit. “Take a picture with it, Eiji! That’s an order!”

 

“I’m not a kid anymore-“

 

“No onsen tonight then!”

 

Yut Lung also ended up forcing a smile as he got his picture taken with additional rabbit statues.

 

“But the story doesn’t end there!” his sister said. “Fearing his brothers’ bloodlust, he ended up fleeing to the underworld, AKA Susanoo’s abode and ends up falling in love with Suseri-hime.”

 

“Well shit, no wonder adultery’s common. Even the gods do it!”

 

Ash made sure to aim his water bottle skilfully on the top of Yut Lung’s head to shut him up.

 

Rin remained unfazed though and kept on talking. “…Yagami-hime fled from Suseri-hime’s potential jealousy. He drove away his brothers with Susanoo’s gifts and ended up ruling Izumo, until he got complacent and lost his compassion, earning the ire of the gods in Takamagahara. He handed control over his lands to Amaterasu with no resistance after his son lost to a test of strength against their champion. In his honor, Amaterasu had a shrine that reached all the way towards the heavens built for him, the Izumo Taisha. Okuninushi was now free to travel beyond this world and was given control on all things unseen, keeping the knowledge he had accumulated over the years. He then became the god of marriage because of his adoration to humans who are in love and uses his power to bind them together and make them happy.”

 

They then proceeded to visit the shintai of the honded from the West before visiting the Nishi-juskusha, another place where the deities stay.

 

“The main shrine was twice the size of it was today. It was the biggest shrine in Japan at the time until natural disasters made its way for the shrine to be rebuilt to what it is today,” his sister added a wistful tune before barking instructions to take a picture outside the Kagura-den, the main shrine. The _shimenawa_ here was the largest in Japan, Shunichi noted, about 13m long and weighing almost 5 tons. “The sacred kagura dances during Kamiarizuki are performed here,” she said as they paid their respects again.

 

“You prayed for someone else again,” Shun said when they retreated and followed Rin who was keen on looking for all the 40 bunnies scattered around the shrine.

 

“Again, none of your business,” Ash said, nose in the air.

 

“I’m happy his highness isn’t the only one whose heart is aflutter,” Blanca said.

 

“So says the Scrooge earlier,” he blew a raspberry in reply.

 

“There’s really no point for me to pray. My wife died a long time ago,” Blanca shrugged.

 

“I’m sorry-“

 

Ash cut across Shunichi’s unnecessary apologies. “That’s not the only thing, innit?”

 

“You think things too much,” Blanca said, but his tone rendered the two of them dumb enough until Rin ran up to them, asking if they had seen Yut Lung.

 

* * *

 

Yut Lung’s face was the colour of overripe plums when they made their way inside a restaurant in the Shinmon-dori area and ordered four Izumo soba.

 

Blanca’s face was the most ironic of all. Ash had never seen his lips stretch into a smile like that.

 

“You’re still wearing your uniform,” Blanca noted, turning Yut Lung into a ruffled rooster.

 

“I-I’m going to the bathroom!” he said as he ran down in his red and white attire.

 

All of them then turned to Shunichi and asked if he had gotten enough pictures.

 

“Yut Lung does look like a _miko_ ,” Rin folded her arms and nodded earnestly. “Wonder how they made him wear those though… doubt Yut Lung did it by himself.”

 

“Are you sure about Yut Lung being… uh, a girl?” Ash turned to Blanca.

 

“I wonder as well,” Blanca said coyly, making all of them roar with laughter.

 

“You’re a savage fuck!” Ash said.

 

“I should feel bad but it does make you think…” his sister said as the waitress then brings them the three tier circular lacquerware bowls of sanshoku warigo soba.

 

“Didn’t get to eat this during my stay here,” Shunichi licked his lips as he opened the first tier and let the steam and smell of daikon and broth waft through their noses.

 

“You’re not serious, right? Eiji, how could you alienate this poor man from the wonders of Izumo? Now, what’s different from the soba, aside from the circular bowls of course, is the noodles themselves. Compared to those low-quality noodles you keep whining about, Blanca, the noodles here are darker and crunchier because it’s made with whole buckwheat seeds, with the shells still intact. Let’s wait for Yut Lung before we eat though-“

 

No one was listening and began to add the grated radish on the first tier with red pepper and dipping sauce though, and began to slurp. Ash noted how the flavour was stronger and nuttier compared to the soba he and his sister ate back in Tokyo. The taste was fucking divine.

 

Yut Lung wasn’t pleased when he returned and everyone was almost finished with the first layer. He ignored Rin’s kind gesture of mixing the condiments and was doing his best to eat the first layer as fast as he can.

 

Per Rin’s instructions, they poured the leftover sauce to the second layer, which had grated yam as its main condiments and slurped away until the third and last one, which had bits of tempura.

 

“So what do you think, you gourmet snob?” Rin said once all of them waited for Yut Lung to finish.

 

Blanca’s belch and slightly pink face were enough for Rin to order a zenzai for desert, a sweet soup of cooked azuki beans with mochi and white tea.

 

“Ready your stomachs, you uncultured swine, because our eating frenzy's just getting started!” she said. Yut Lung proceeded to pass out.

 

* * *

Their next stop was the Izumo winery, just a quick stop away from the shrine. Everyone simply went wild drinking the eight varieties available and proceeded to eat Shimane _wagyu_ barbecue at the restaurant. It wasn’t as heavily marbled as the Japanese beef Ash was used to, but the flavours were rich and the fat not as plenty. To everyone’s surprise, Yut Lung came back with a vengeance and ate the most out of them, making full use of his wallet and wiping the floor of the most wagyu eaten on the restaurant record. They had to return home, however, because of his upset stomach.

 

“It’s the first day and I’m already beat,” Ash said while they were outside, fanning themselves against the afternoon heat. There was barely any breeze, and Ash was starting to realize that Japan’s weather was a tad more unforgivable than New York’s.

 

“We’re going to the _onsen_ next though. I got you, my tired hatchlings,” his sister cackled. “Bring your yukatas, since we’ll be going with mom and sis to the festival later.”

 

“You’re really not gonna let us rest?”

 

“We’ll be going to a total of five festivals during our stay here,” her sister grinned as she held out her hands to signal the magic number. His and Shun’s draws dropped open. “So more chances of getting decent pictures, right Shun-san?”

 _Oh man_ , Ash sighed as he lay down on the wooden floor. _She’s making full use of our stay here, huh?_

 

“And I’m so ready of what our yukatas will be, most especially Yut Lung’s hehe…”

 

All of them prayed for his poor soul as he slaved away in the toilet.

 

* * *

  _It was my first time going into a Japanese festival, moreso a beach one,_ Ash wrote eight hours later on his journal. Shunichi was snoring fitfully at on the futon beside his. _Blanca got all the goldfish that your little sister ended up selling back to the poor goldfish keeper. Ate candy apples. Blanca also ended up getting Yut Lung the largest stuffed panda in the darts stall. Your sister ended up giving it to a teary-eyed kid though. You should have seen Yut Lung’s face. Wonder how he’ll react when he finds out he’s wearing your mom’s yukata._

_First time being in your room too. Overachiever, huh?_ Eiji’s abode was littered with medals in his dresser and Ash smiled at this, along with Eiji’s photographs in kindergarten with that yellow hat. A shadow fell on his face as he saw Eiji holding hands with his dad and mom just beside his second place high school trophy. Now that he noticed it, Eiji had more silvers and bronzes than golds as the years ticked by. His lips parted open as he saw the largest picture tucked in the back row.

 

It was Eiji in mid-flight, face flush with exhilarated contentment, the bar just two more legs away from being crossed. It was a masterfully framed shot. He took it with both hands. He woke up a groggy Ibe then and shoved the photo to his face.

 

It took awhile for Ibe to realise what was happening, his smile at half-mast, but the fondness danced in his eyes. “Remember what you said then when I asked you what you were thinking when you were up there?”

 

“Not really,” Ash admitted. Eiji was staggeringly beautiful. His eyes sparked with pure levity he could feel his spirit soaring as this damn fly boy in the sky.

 

“You said your mind was blank. Somehow, your thoughts had no weight as your body’s during those 2.5 seconds,” Ibe scratched his nose. “Wonder if you still think that way after two years.”

 

Ash wondered as well. There were plenty more things that he kept wondering about Eiji. He returned the frame back on top of the dresser and lay on his futon. What was teenage Eiji thinking as he lay down there, musing about his future and leaving his old life behind? What was he thinking when he noticed how his trophies were becoming smaller and smaller? What had he been thinking when he saw Rin for the first time and apologized for existing?

 

He thought of how lucky he was, in a sense. He did not immerse himself in every possible shade of loneliness. He did not let his noxious thoughts cling to him like film, as self-loathing had for Eiji. There was that story again about Ookuninushi and how his act of kindness rendered him the hand of Yagami-hime, to his brothers’ envy. But that was not the end of the story. That was not Ookuninushi’s happy ending, and he never did ask for the gifts and the title he would receive as his reign rose and fell across Izumo. He neither had the desire to rule or the loyalty support any god in their petty wars, preferring to wander around Izumo and showing compassion to humans who believe in him.

 

“He was not a good person too before apotheosis,” his sister said while she pushed his wheelchair home after the grand display of fireworks. “He cheated on his wife and chose the second woman. When I was a kid, I wondered why people still adored him despite that.”

 

“It’s just a story though.”

 

“And look what that story brought him. A big-ass shrine.” There were only chatter and cricket hums and a million shimmering stars. Rin looked up.

 

“Should gods really need to be perfect? To be who we aspire to be?” Ash cannot understand what she meant by telling him this. Her projection of her father’s flawed and yet venerated life, maybe?

 

“Dunno what I’m saying, shit-“ his sister said as she took another bite from her chocolate-covered banana. “Dad left when I was really young, so I grew up quicker than the rest.”

 

Ash said nothing. He had an inkling of what it was like to have no one to depend on but yourself as a child.

 

“Ahhh, I’ve already said that I forgive him, but some bad shit keeps flooding back-“ his sister laughed.

 

“It takes time, I guess,” Ash shrugged. “Sometimes the wounds don’t leave and you just agree to let them stay.”

 

She took another bite. “Did you have fun?”

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

It took awhile for her to reply. “You ain’t seen nothing yet, dear brother. Tomorrow’s gonna be more spectacular!”

 

* * *

 

‘Spectacular’ equated to only four hours of sleep as his sister began clanging a small gong outside their doors and reduced Yut Lung into a hissy fit (apparently he was attempting to attack Blanca and nearly succeeded if not for her ill-timed banging).

 

“No fucking way,” Ash groaned. He was too busy writing his first-day account to Eiji to give a shit about everyone else.

 

“No onsen today then!”

 

It took them only five minutes to go out and pack their things. Eiji’s mother also packed them _musubi_ rice balls. “They have Shimane _wagyu_ in between,” she said as she packed them with their bentos of more  _taimeshi_.

  
"Now, if all of you gentlemen come with me..." his sister said as they waited for the ferry twenty minutes later. "No, don't bring Eiji, thank you Blanca..."

 

"And why am I not included?" Ash roared, but Rin ignored him and proceeded to whisper among the rest, taking care to look at Ash's direction in case he decides to wander off somewhere.

 

They were waiting for their rented boat in the port near Shimane's capital city, Matsue. This time, they were off the mainland and sailing to a small group of islands called the 'Oki Islands', more than an hour away.

 

He became a little wary of everyone’s actions that day. Mostly it was because his sister kept steering the rest and huddling together in a corner several meters away. Ash decided to ask Yut Lung when Blanca went ahead to get Ash extra helpings from his sister.

 

“It’s none of your business,” Yut Lung said flatly while pouring the lid of his thermos with more tea. “Something about carrying the small shrine for the next festival. Not like you can carry it in your current state.”

 

“Still a piece of shit,” Ash looked on at the view they had on Mt. Akahage. It was one hell of a journey for the likes of Blanca to carry him up with the rest on the viewing deck. Yut Lung was prepared to tie his straw hat securely with the sash of his yukata, making him look like an anachronistic Victorian who stripped his clothes because it was too damn hot.

 

If it wasn’t for the breeze, Ash would also have taken off his windbreaker like Yut Lung. The sky was a serene cerulean, the clouds almost non-existent. The sky was a more striking blue and green depending on the limits his eyes can process lights’ refractive limitations. Beyond, he can see the Shimane Peninsula. Mt. Daisen was also present nearby.

 

“Your sister said _nodaikon_ bloom here in the spring, turning this place into a pink and purple wonderland of sorts.” Ash was surprised that Yut Lung was listening to Rin after all. “You must have seen it plenty of times when you were a kid.”

 

“Do I hear envy there?” Ash laughed.

 

“Never really had the chance to become a country bumpkin growing up,” Yut Lung returned his flask back at his rucksack and stared on at the coast. “I know the plants at least, but I studied them in our gardens. Never went outside much. Too busy being prepped as a spare in case one of my brothers kick the bucket.”

 

“Sounds like you’re planning to off one of them soon.”

 

“Maybe in another life. At least I am still held in low regard enough to gallivant here in Japan’s seas,” Yut Lung said, still looking on as a gull caws somewhere. “I like it here.”

 

Ash wished he could say the same thing. This place reminded him too much of Cape Cod. Both continued gazing at the ocean in equal silence.

 

* * *

 

“Mom and sis will be meeting us later at Dogo Isle,” his sister said as Ash was once again, on Blanca’s back after their stint at Matengai cliff and now en route to Takuhi shrine on Mount Takuhi. “Yo, Blanca, take care of my brother, huh? Jesus fucking Christ! You nearly had him falling!”

 

“Oops,” Blanca tripped near the edge for a moment, making Ash reel back as his sister’s hair suddenly reminded him of Medusa’s snakes.

 

“You son of a-“ His sister managed to shut her mouth when she saw the local priest bowing at their direction. All of them received a cup of tea near the benches as his sister made sure to sit beside Ash and far away from Blanca. Shun made his way to make small talk with the priest. They were almost near the shrine, the oldest one in the Oki islands with its _honden_ , or main hall, being situated near a stone cavern.

 

“You really want to tire us out, don’t you?” Shun said after snapping their picture.

 

“Nah, this shrine is a power spot. I want my wish to come true no matter what!” His sister said before winking at the rest. Ash couldn’t help but be annoyed for being left out.

 

“You assholes really not gonna let me in?” Ash said, refusing to eat another rice ball as their boat coasted to the next island.

 

“You’re so nosy,” said Yut Lung as he threateningly raised multiple needles on one hand. “I’m enjoying the view here.”

 

“Yeah, Ei-chan you shouldn’t concern yourself too much,” said Shun.

 

“Our photographer is right. You are spoiling the trip,” Yut Lung grumbled. “If you nag us one more time, I’ll make sure to knock you out with my needles.”

 

Now, having Yut Lung in cahoots with Ibe, of all people, was making Ash more and more suspicious. He wished he can wheel the cat out of the bag by simple violence or blackmail, but his options were limited. Plus, he needed someone to wheel him out of the damn boat if he pleased.

 

 _I will find out sooner or later._ Ash looked beadily at each of them. None were caving in at his gaze, even Ibe for crying out loud. _Just you wait you scheming assholes. I’ll ask mom and my little sis-_

Ash couldn’t continue talking. He had nearly forgotten he wasn’t Eiji. That these people knew him as Eiji. He felt sick and began to curse the seas for making his stomach queasier than it should be.

 

* * *

 

 _To begin, it definitely doesn’t involve Blanca and Rin having something going on if Yut Lung is in cahoots with it_. Ash glared at each of them as Blanca, once more, carried him as they set off in the forests of Tsuma on the west coast of Dogo Island to another elusive shrine that was suspiciously close to the river. His sister was really keen on answering her prayers, that’s for sure. Come to think of it, his suspicions about something growing between your sister and Blanca since his absence were becoming more and more palpable. The two, despite the snark and snipe, have become more affable than he remembered them to be. During the trip, Blanca also carried the rest of her stuff along with Yut Lung’s, to the latter’s chagrin.

 

“This,” his sister was close to giving up as they finally saw the shrine. Ash couldn’t help being in awe as the rest of them. Just in front of the small shrine were two waterfalls. “Is Dangyo-no-Taki waterfalls and that is Dangyo shrine. The legends say that the waterfall on the left is a woman and on the right is a man. The two then meet on the top of the shrine and trickle down the rocky riverbed together.”

 

“Like copulating or something?”

 

His sister made sure to smack him on the nape again. Ash’s howl echoed and made several birds shriek and flee from the canopy. “Anyway, after paying our respects at the shrine, let’s try going down the falls. Shun-san, ready your camera.”

 

Yut Lung was still traumatised by the Izumo Taisha incident and made sure to look around in case a head priest attempts to clothe him in a haori and hakama again.

 

Blanca jumped ahead afterwards and managed to land with mud in his mountain boots near the edge of the waterfall. His sister (and Yut Lung) was not amused.

 

“I should’ve been the one riding you!” he screeched as both of them waited for the rest to climb down.

 

“You gave me a heart attack, you big oaf!” Rin also said as he propped Ash back to the wheelchair again. “Before I lose my shit again, no thank you, Blanca… Everyone, strip.” She took out her massive backpack.

 

“What?” the men said in unison.

 

“There’s plenty of bushes if you all are scared of showing how tiny your willies are…” she grinned evilly. Sure enough, she began throwing them white robes. “We’re all gonna bathe on the ‘winning waters’ of the waterfall. Shun-san, I want you to get our picture. I was thinking of something like in those period samurai movies… y’know, palms clasped, eyes closed, deep in concentration… Thank god we have a photographer!”

 

“Uh…” Ash pointed at his cast. “I can’t possibly- with the water and all-”

 

“Of course you can! Blanca, have Eiji riding your shoulders!”

 

Yut Lung was hissing and spitting like an angry cat in the corner as he changed his clothes. “Let’s just get this over with!”

 

“Don’t you worry, Yut Lung. I also have a pose in mind for you and your pretty hair…” his sister's cackling sent chills down Ash’s spine as Yut Lung nearly ran away if not for Ash tripping him face-first towards the pool.

 

“Game faces on, everyone! We’re gonna make even Akira Kurosawa blush when our pics are developed. Yut Lung, darling, please do go first…”

 

* * *

 

It was a lazy afternoon when they met with Eiji’s mother and little sister. The latter was suspiciously carrying a large box in her plastic bag. _Must be more food again_ , Ash dismissed as everyone’s eyes fastened on him once more. They stayed and had a good rest in Okinoshima-cho for a good two hours as they waited for the late sunset. He did not know how to act around Eiji’s mother as she offered him more helpings ‘so he’ll heal quickly and reel in a nice girl after.’ Still took him awhile to get around Izumo-ben. His older sister, despite not being a native, was really proficient at it. _She must have been close with her father if he did leave her at a young age_ , he thought as he drank his food only to retch because one of these assholes spiked his tea with sake.

 

Everyone’s eyes were on him still when they rode the ferry towards their last destination, Rosoku-jima, a sea stack of a rock with a pointy top.

 

“Everyone, close your eyes!” His sister said as she covered her face. All of them followed suit. Ash was too tired to ask why and duly obeyed. He was ready for the onsen later. “Captain, tell us when the angle’s right, okay?”

 

None of them spoke as they waited in quiet darkness. At the sound of the captain’s ‘ok’, Ash let his eyes flood in orange under the roaring sight of twilight when he sees Yut Lung in front, looking hesitant. Rin, at his right, elbowed his arm gently. “Come on Yeet, you start!”

 

He opened his mouth, mumbled a snobbish apology, and began to sing.

 

By then, Ash understood as all of them then started to clap and sing along. As his sister revealed what was inside of that box, a blue cake with ‘20’ written on them. As Rin noted how Blanca did the icing while she and their little sister did the baking. Of his mother enveloping him into the warmest hug he had ever received in his life.

 

It was Eiji’s birthday.

 

His eyes grew misty. By then, Rin, laughing as she wiped her face, pointed at the rock. It was called Candle Rock for a reason.

 

“Make a wish, Ei-chan,” she said, as its tip lit up like a flickering flame amidst the orange sky. “Looks like the gods granted my wish today. You didn’t see it coming, huh?”

 

Of course. He never asked in their exchange when Eiji’s birthday was.

 

Once again, Eiji made his heart swell with something he couldn’t make out. He closed his eyes and pretended to blow against the biggest candle he had ever wished on to.

 

_Make Eiji happy._

He did not realise that Ibe’s lens was fixed on his in that key moment.

 

“It’s _kataware-doki_ ,” his mother said as the sun passed the rock and continued to descend as the day began its sleep.

 

Ash couldn’t understand but continued squeezing her hand.

 

* * *

 

_Day 2_

_Took a ferry to the Oki islands. Windy, fascinating, more peaceful than the main island. Had a view of the Chibu isle on top of Mt. Akahage. Plenty of black cows grazing. Your sister called them kuroge wagyu, a famed type of Shimane wagyu (your sister eats like a bear). There are also plenty of tanuki. Your sister said there were thousands in the island. We then hopped to the next island, Nishinoshima, at the Matengai cliff. Spectacular view of the Kuniga coastline, reminded me of home in Cape Cod, sans the grazing horses and ‘kuroge wagyu.’ Your sister told me that the horses and cows are raised for meat. I have never eaten horse meat. Wonder if I can have a bite during our stay. We went to the shrine near Mt. Takuhi. We might have arrived too early. Next, to the Ama Isle to see the heart-shaped Akiya rock. Pacified Yut Lung somewhat for getting his slippers wet during the low tide. Said viper had a photo with Blanca. Also went to the Oki Shrine but did not witness a mistaken miko, unfortunately._

_Finally, the farthest and largest island, Dogo. Your sister insisted we took pictures. Went to Dangyo to see the waterfalls. Had difficulty taking off my clothes to meditate in the riverbed below with everyone sans Shun-san. Also went to the highest-ranking shrine in Dogo Island, Mizuwakasu jinja. Even got to witness a ceremonial sumo match on the shrine grounds. Blanca got to participate along with Yut Lung and Ibe. You should have seen Yut Lung’s face when he saw Blanca in sumo garb. Met with your mother and sister in the main town and had a taste of Oki soba. The twenty-somethings and above sans your mother also got tipsy in the Oki Homare sake. No one wanted to scale any more mountains or shrines, so we went to see Misaki lighthouse or the first Japanese-build lighthouse in the country. Saw the sunset on the ferry towards Rosoku-jima. Got the surprise of my life and wished you were there._

_P.S. I’m quite fascinated by your local dialect. It took me awhile to get used to the tongue, the inflection of i’s and u’s, the lack of r’s, the use of f instead of h, etc. If not for your exodus to Tokyo my lack of Izumo-ben might have given me away. Wonder how you sound like conversing with your family. Must be a joy to hear. Until then. Happy birthday._

_P.P.S. In the end though, we didn’t go to an onsen. Everyone was too exhausted to bring it up._  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akimi-sensei NEVER told us when Eiji's birthday was, so the Japanese fans adjusted and made a play on Eiji's name. Hence, his fan birthday is August 2 (special thanks to Mae for this tidbit).
> 
> These notes will be edited constantly as I wrap this fic up. The limited research I did feels too immense and I need to jot them carefully once the high of posting something is over. Will be splitting this chapter into two parts (even though I have written the ending of the original already fuck it LAWL). Will post the next chapter soonest I promise! 
> 
> Current Itinerary:
> 
> Day 1  
> -[Inasa-no-hama beach](http://www.greenshinto.com/wp/2017/06/30/travel-tip-izumo/)  
> -[Izumo](https://saninstory.wordpress.com/2015/12/17/izumo-taisha-kamiarizuki-and-en-musubi/) [Taisha](http://www.japanesemythology.jp/izumo-taisha/) [has](http://www.greenshinto.com/wp/2016/12/10/hearn-6-izumo/) [a](http://www.kankou-shimane.com/en/?p=4392) [ton](https://matcha-jp.com/en/3320) of [refs](https://wow-j.com/en/Allguides/other/sightseeing/01054_en/)  
> -Shimane Winery (check the 50 things to do in Shimane)  
> -Kirara Taki Festival at Kirara beach  
> *Heiwa Sobahonten (for ‘em [Sanshoku Warigo](http://cupidojapan.com/izumo-soba-of-shimane-prefecture/) [soba](https://japan-brand.jnto.go.jp/foods/noodles/62/))
> 
> Day 2  
> -[Oki](https://shimaneparesources.wordpress.com/the-oki-islands/) [islands](http://www.kankou-shimane.com/en/?p=579)  
> *Chibu Isle- Akahageyama  
> *Nishinoshima- Matengai cliff and Takuhi shrine  
> *Ama Isle- Akiya rock and Oki shrine  
> *Dogo Isle- Dangyo-no-Taki waterfall, Mizukawasu Jinja, and Rosoku-jima/Candle Island  
> *Oki soba and Oki Homare sake


	8. VIII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash doesn't know that this long switch would be the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2. Hope it was worth the wait.
> 
> Triggers for discussions about death and suicide. Plus the length lol

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

 

Ash was not a morning person as his men will attest. His time in Eiji’s hometown, however, convinced him to make some exceptions. The dawn amidst the rice fields, with reed warblers and buntings singing on the top of wildflowers and seedling grasses was a sight he wanted to keep looking forward to.

 

“Missed this, yeah?” his sister said in her rough Izumo-ben. “You said the sun blinded your eyes.”

 

“Didn’t know how to squint then.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, still a tosser, huh?” she paused. “Made Ma cry a waterfall when you left. Pisses me off that you don’t answer her calls.”

 

“Sorry about that. Let pride get in the way.”

 

She quietly sank on the grass. Light was filling up the mountains, making it look all the more ominous yet mesmerising. Birds and cicadas continued to cry.

 

“Ya don’t sound like the brother I know,” she said before chuckling.

 

“Just because you’re my little sis doesn’t mean you’re automatically wrong,” he said. “…Only got to find that out when I left.”

 

“God, you sound more dramatic than ma. Or my boyfriend,” she said, stretching out her arms and yawning.

 

“You have a boyfriend? Does ma know?”

 

“Uhuh. Might introduce him during the Izumo Shinwa. He fawns over you. Must’ve confessed to me because of that.”

 

“Didn’t know I had fans.” Really, he never thought that Eiji was a popular kid. His standards were pretty whack, to be honest. Not like he understand the dynamics of people his age.

 

“’Course you did. You were always in nationals and the star player in our high school. You should come and visit. Sensei’s getting impatient.”

 

“Blame big sis’ schedule,” Ash shrugged.

 

“Really, all you do is complain,” his sister said. “You were always ma’s favorite though, so she just shut her mouth and waited.” There was plain resentment in her voice. She looked away. “Funny, how she kept denying it. Would’ve preferred it if she was not a liar like dad for once.”

 

“You still mad at me for that?”

 

“Can’t be for long or I’ll end up like you. I know ma has her faults but she’s trying her best raising us. Hope you forgive mum like _nee-chan_ forgave her.”

 

“Hope you forgive me for being the favorite too. They couldn’t resist my good looks.”

 

“If you want to talk about who’s the more attractive one, do it when you have a girlfriend yeah?” his sister leered. Ash punched her playfully in the arm.

 

“Alright, you win, you cheeky brat.”

 

* * *

 

Ash wondered as they started walking to the house how, aside from this sudden escalation of drama when it was only six in the morning, things would have gone if Eiji had stayed in this body until he saw his mother again. How would have Eiji talked to his mother after all this time? Would it be with an open heart like he had with their companions?

 

He was really pretentious, taking things a little too far. How do you forgive someone on behalf of someone else?  How do you convince a person you have never met to accept the beliefs that were established then crushed and reconstructed to be wrong after all?

 

He knew it would not be easy. But life never did deal him a good hand. He played with what he had, not giving a shit about the lives he brutally crushed and the wounds he left behind.  God, either Ookuninushi was insane or a crafty motherfucker to put him up to this.

 

Hearing Eiji’s mom humming as she cooks breakfast and then bidding a ‘welcome back’ to him and his little sister after his brief wandering made his chest swell and cave in at the same time. This kind and patient woman wrecked Rin’s life. Eiji was a product of that.

 

He wasn’t the only one who woke up early though.

 

“Why are you up so early, young master?” Ash’s eyes narrowed after his usual daybreak watching when he saw Yut Lung chopping up fine spring onions for their miso. A chunk of minced tofu was also beside him.

 

“I didn’t have anything better to do!” he turned pink as he gave it to Ash’s mother, who was more than happy to compliment Yut Lung’s skill.

 

“You should do your cooking here sometime. What’s your favorite thing to cook?”

 

“My bodyguard likes my sweet and sour pork with pineapple…” _He really had to rub that in..._

 

“Sounds good,” his mother smiled at him. “Make some for us before you leave, won’t ya?”

 

“Of course!” Yut Lung’s tofu cuts were bigger and brasher than usual. “It will be the best pork you’ve ever tasted.” _(Spoiler: Yes)_

 

The rest though, were still keen to stay in bed as much as possible.

 

“You fucking perv!” His sister groaned as she continued to squirm around her futon when Ash opened the door and pulled on the blankets as hard as he could. “Let me get over my hangover in peace!”

 

“It’s your fault for drinking so much last night!” He did not add that it was unwise for her to even try keeping up with the likes of Blanca. Ibe was the first to hit the sack in just two shots. “Get- up- dangit-“

 

She continued to ignore him even as he pulled the futon under her, exposing her cheek against the tatami _._ By the time he opened Yut Lung and Blanca’s room he quickly closed it again when he saw Yut Lung’s fish lips attempting to pucker up on Blanca’s lolling mouth.

 

“You cockblocking-“

 

“You were in the kitchen earlier how the hell did you-“ He received a needle to the forehead for the trouble.

 

In the end, Ibe was the only one he succeeded in waking up to eat the remaining _zensai._

“You should’ve gone and woken ‘em up again,” his sister said as she came out of the kitchen with a large china bowl filled with a suspiciously alluring smell. “And I got what the doctor ordered!”

 

Isn’t she as perky as the rest of the Okumura brethren? Ash stared at the _miso_ she poured onto their bowls.

 

“We added _shijimi_ clams, our local way of curing hangovers. Good for detoxifying their good-for-nothing livers.”

 

“Amen to that. No to alcohol,” said Ash, imagining Eiji’s stand against that holy grail. He, however, had been taking one or two bottles of Budweiser under his sister’s nose.

 

“That includes you!” his sister said as she pushed the first bowl in front of him. “You didn’t think I saw you get three shots in?”’

 

Yup, she got him.

* * *

 

Ash looked at the clock and then at Rin and the rest. His mouth continued to quiver. “It’s already eleven and we’re still not out of the house.”

 

“You worry too much. The day is long, Ei-chan!” said his sister as she continued to sip more _shijimi_ miso. “Fuck that hit the spot! Where’s mom? Come and eat with us!”

 

“We already ate three hours ago!” Ash spat. “Why are you so relaxed? If we’re gonna be making full use of our time, you should have been up at eight.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. We’re only going to two places today,” his sister yawned.

 

“I thought you knew,” said Yut Lung as he took a bite of the mackerel he had demanded to be cooked again because his tongue was allergic to formerly hot food.

 

“You were not listening last night, _monsieur_?” Blanca said serenely, pouring himself more tea.

 

“Shut the fuck up you smartarses,” Ash pouted. “We didn’t go to an onsen yesterday. We may not have time today too if we’re really going to a festival tonight.”

 

“Eh, there’s an onsen near the place we’ll be visiting actually,” his sister said. “You could’ve used the extra sleeping time to cool your head.” She then finished the rest of her _shijimi_ and was busy picking out some more from the large bowl. “Alright, to start, let me give some background info on the place we’ll be visiting today. Aside from being the former kingdom of Ookuninushi and the landing spot of the gods, Izumo is also famous as the place where Susanoo slayed the eight-headed dragon, Orochi. That myth is prominent from the souvenirs up to the sewer plate covers around town.”

 

“Who is Susanoo?”

 

“He’s a god, the brother of Amaterasu, remember her, the goddess of Takamagahara? Anyway, he was a rebellious little shit and got driven out from Takamagahara, the realm of the gods, and descended to earth. He arrived at the Hiikawa river in Izumo and followed chopsticks floating downstream- I have no idea why this version involves chopsticks- and came upon the elderly royal family in Izumo and their daughter, Kushinada-hime. Turned out, there was this big bad dragon terrorizing Izumo and every year they had to offer one of their eight daughters to keep the city safe. Kushinada-hime was the last one. They hatched a plan to kill the dragon once and for all. The versions differ but in the end, Susanoo managed to slay the dragon, got a sword from one of the dragon’s tails for the trouble, and got a happy ever after with Kushinada-hime and travelled around the country, giving birth to many gods. We will be going to his shrine where his soul was laid to rest later.”

 

“Hope you guys enjoy your day!” his little sister said as she gave them grape juice they bought from the winery and _musubi_ rice balls.

 

“You’re not coming?” Ash asked.

 

“Yeah, have to support mom since she’s not getting any younger working at the plant,” she laughed. “I work at a coffee shop just ten minutes downtown. We’ll be at the festival later though, don’t cha worry!”

 

Ash’s stomach lurched at this.

 

“We will!” his sister said as they set off. Yut Lung, as usual, lagged behind, making them wait for the next bus up to Izumo Susa. They then walked for several more minutes amidst the cool shade of the foliage and the shrill humming of the crickets and passerines until they reached the small elevated shrine. “As you can see, the main shrine was built in the Taisha-zukuri style, the oldest shrine architectural style in the land of the rising sun. See the raised floor? There are other shrines around Shimane that are built in this style too.” They then made their way behind the shrine and saw a massive cedar tree, sacred rope tied around its waist. She noted how it was more than thousands of years old and was a popular healing spot, noting the coins littering its roots. His sister even tricked them to drink the well in the grounds, making all of them spurt the water out of their mouths because it was salty. Despite being deep in the mountains, the waters came from the Sea of Japan itself. “The waters in the hot springs around this area also contain sodium,” she said as they descended, noting how the river running near the shrine will go to the Hiikawa river that ran around the prefecture. “The source of the river, Mount Sentsu, is also the reputed place where Susanoo descended.”

 

Yut Lung was quiet throughout their hike. Ash examined him closely while his sister was engaged in debate with Blanca again about the drinking district they have yet to visit. He was nonplussed, still lost in thought.

 

“What’s up? Cat got your tongue?” he said while they waited at the bus station. Ibe continued taking pictures just behind them.

 

Yut Lung did not snap back. He clicked his tongue and folded his arms.

 

“You still mad at me for earlier? I didn’t tell anyone.” _Not yet at least._

“Blanca did not stop me. I usually could not even lower my head before he stops himself from hitting my throat in the last second,” he said in a faraway voice.

 

“So you’re swooning inside because you did it?”

 

“No!” he flushed. “I stopped myself. It’s… He’s been serving me for ten years now yet it’s the first time he let his guard down,” he looked at his bodyguard and Eiji’s sister as he dodges her attempts to punch him.

 

“Must really want to kiss him then. You didn’t even seize that chance,” he leered.

 

“You asshat…” he was quiet again as he tied his hat around his head again. “It’s just strange. He is relaxed and yet I…”

 

“…am jealous?” Ash nudged. He stretched his arms. “God, you’re still such a petty teenager.”

 

“Y-You-“

 

“Nothing wrong with that,” he pointed out. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. You can’t stand it that he’s happy without your consent. Be honest with yourself, man. Only then, can you start being happy too.”

 

“Funny to hear that from you of all people. Listen to the wise words of Eiji Okumura. The gods must be possessing you right now.”

 

“Seriously, you believe in that shit?”

 

“I practice differently but… it really makes a difference if you have something to believe in.”

 

“What if that was a person?” Ash said.

 

Yut Lung offered a small smile. “Nothing wrong with that. Do we need to believe in gods to aspire to be more?”

 

* * *

 

_Day 3_

 

_My trip here showed me how the West has been fucking themselves up with their religious wars when Shintoism and Buddhism has no problem coexisting and assimilating into Japanese consciousness. Went to the Susa Shrine and the Tachikuekyo gorge today with the rest and enjoyed a nice onsen at the bottom. Also saw a procession at the Kadogawa bridge that led to the gorge. Saw some foxes and tanuki. Had a picture with them. Yut Lung was not pleased when multiple tanuki attacked him when he showed his rice ball. Apparently, there was also a festival going on there. Place felt like hallowed ground like the rest of the places we visited today. Found the red hats on top of the small buddha statues quite endearing and droll._

_I feel a smidge of guilt in aiding your sister and Blanca in tricking Yut Lung to join the Yagami-hime beauty pageant during the festival in Lake Jinzai for free booze and tickets to the boat ride the next day. But fucking hell, the viper won by a landslide holy shit. Danced exquisitely with the poi balls and wearing your little sis’ furisode. That shit was heavier and hotter than the yukata, but I guess being affluent gives you a chance to carry a few pounds of clothing. Spotted your sister and his bodyguard holding hands during his performance. I’m sure Yut Lung nearly threw his poi at their direction._

_It’s only been the third day and I’m learning so much and so little about the gods you grew up with. I keep dwelling on Ookuninushi. Despite my staunch stand against the corporeal, I do keep thinking about this and believe in our en-musubi. Would want to hear your take on it one day. If you believe in it too._

* * *

 

Yut Lung groaned, his face not bothering to hide his disgust and disappointment when he saw Ash outside the public toilets.

 

“The fuck is wrong with your face?” Ash said. The rouge was smeared on his lips. He wasn’t also able to clean up his eyes properly. Reminded him of a panda released in the wild after years of domestication. “Here,” he said, giving him a towel and poured warm water on it. “You can give me my little sister’s kimono. Don’t want your dirty hands sullying it.”

 

“Where are the others?” Yut Lung did not mumble any thanks as he seized the towel and began wiping his face.

 

“Looking for a decent spot to watch the fireworks. We’ll meet Ibe near the chocobanana stand. Hey, you ok or something?”

 

He shook his head more than usual. “Are you also going to the bathroom?”

 

“Nah, I got mine right here,” Ash patted his left thigh, a grin playing around his lips. “And I won’t fit in that, you some madman? Doubt you can lift me too-“

 

“No wonder you smell like piss…”

 

“Say whatever you want, still better than going in the forest to take a leak. Think I didn’t know about that, back in the waterfalls-“

 

“Y-You are disgusting!”

 

“Hey, felt something warm so-“

 

“S-Shut up!” he was red-faced and went on ahead, still holding the kimono. “D-Don’t think I’ll do the honors of helping you with your wheelchair-“

 

“Sheesh, doubt you can even push me,” Ash rolled his eyes as he caught up to Yut Lung in five seconds. “See? Why don’t you give me the kimono, you hairy sloth? Can’t have you trailing behind-“

 

“I won’t forget this, Eiji Okumura. Just you wait-“

 

“Gonna rely on your bodyguards again? Come at me. Or are you scared that you’ll lose against poor, defenceless me?”

 

“Don’t provoke me!”

 

Ash roared with laughter as the Lee patriarch brandished his multiple needles. He was really willing to duke it out in the open. Not that he can dodge them anyway, but whatever. It was fun teasing the hell out of him.

 

“You really like taking things too seriously, darling Yeet,” he laughed. “Guess that’s the reason you won.”

 

“Are you going to taunt me again?”

 

“Nah. You did really well. You deserve the win. Can’t believe you were good at _poi-“_

“No… I did it all on the fly. If I was given time to prepare… I would have won without question-“

 

“Are you fishing for more compliments? I still have some adjectives to shower you with. Talented, brilliant, incredible, showstopping-“

 

“Stop mollifying me!” Yut Lung attempted to throw a needle at his direction. “There’s more where that came from.”

 

“Geez,” Ash laughed. “Let the praises rain, man. You were splendid tonight. Own it. I’m sure you’ll have a better chance at snagging Blanca then.”

 

“Don’t be naïve…” Yut Lung was red-faced. “I’m sure you see it too. Just a stupid crush-”

 

“So what? It’s already the third day and you still haven’t learned to relax?”

 

“It’s not that!” Yut Lung whined as he rolled over his linen sleeves. “It’s just… You won’t understand, you weren’t born with high expectations as a son of an esteemed family-“

 

“Try me then,” Ash grinned. “What? Thinking you’re running away by being here? Doesn’t make you a coward if you’re gonna be back-“

 

“It’s not just that. You won’t understand-“

 

“Seriously though, what’s the point of me busting my ass up here in this heat and getting free food from random old grannies if I didn’t want to listen?” Ash said. “We’re the only teens out here in the nest of geezers-“

 

“You’re twenty.”

 

“Fine, _twenteen_ ,” Ash stuck out his tongue. “This might be the last time we ever get to do this… if those expectations do catch up to you. So act like the spoiled brat you truly are.”

 

The sky then lit up in a shower of red and green, showing Yut Lung’s stunned face.

 

Before he could open his mouth though, Ash was already speeding ahead. “Shit- hurry the fuck up you crazy Asian! We’re gonna miss the fireworks!”

* * *

 

_Day 4_

 

_Yut Lung has been more than the spineless spoiled rich bitch I labelled him to be. Did not expect to become his confidante of sorts. Fucker would talk and talk about his life and I let him mumble so he wouldn’t ask questions about the life I never lived in (yours if you did not get it, you dumb jock). He’s also spending more time with your mother, so better watch out. He helps pick the vegetables off the garden outside and helps cook the food while your sister sets the table._

 

_This day was hectic to make up for the lack of places we visited yesterday. This time, we went to the prefecture capital Matsue. Went to the black castle first and took a boat cruise around the moat. Blanca made sure to play a prank on Yut Lung and nearly made him fall off (and drown because apparently, he couldn’t swim surprise) when we went under the bridge. Your sister said there is a kotatsu you can sit under during the winter cruise. Next we had kamo nanban at Yakumo-an, the former samurai residence in Shiomi Nawate street. Duck noodles were heavenly, rivalling the soba. Even Blanca had to cave in to your sister’s claims. Also went to the teahouse above the street for a real tea ceremony in their gardens. Ibe took a picture of me being spilled tea by Yut Lung._

_Also went to the Yomotsu Hirakasa, the “entrance to Hell” with your sister narrating about the legend between Izanagi and Izanami and how the boulder sealed Izanami from the land of the living by her distrustful husband. Reminded me of Orpheus and Eurydice, a Greek myth were Orpheus looked back at his dead lover only to lose her again. She said the land of the dead was beyond the woodland, but only said this after we went inside the forest. Imagine who ran the fastest out? Clue: This asshole had the longest hair._

_Went to Yaegaki Jinja next, another one of those lovey dovey shrines. There was a mirror pond there that predicted the person you would marry. Blanca’s predicted that he’d marry someone near, making Yut Lung look at Rin rather suspiciously. Couldn’t accept the result I have. Ibe was the most outraged, to our surprise. Didn’t throw a tantrum but his reaction raised plenty of eyebrows. My sister whispered about his falling out with his ex who was a few years his senior. Took a bus then to Lake Shinji._

* * *

 

“Are we still gonna walk?”

 

“Dear Yut Lung, it’s been only five minutes,” his sister sighed as they managed to rest in the museum steps, where twelve rabbits were in front, facing the lake before them. “Here is Lake Shinji. We made it in time for the sunset. See these rabbits? All of them are arranged alternately to appear in motion. This second one,” she pointed at the rabbit with its front leg almost landing on the ground. “Is the one you should pet. If you do, you’ll receive happiness.”

 

“You sure that’s everything?” Ash said.

 

“Oh, and also face west while doing so!”

 

“Say everything in one go sis!”

 

“After that let’s take your picture at the viewing platform,” said Ibe, pointing at the shore just below the museum after they had finished petting it. Ash made sure to pet it twice for Eiji’s sake.

 

“This is where our Shijimi clams have come from,” Rin added as they made their way down. "40% of the clams in Japan are caught here. The clams belong to the ‘Shinji Lake Seven Delicacies. The rest are bass, a type of shrimp, eels, cattle egrets, ice fish, and carp. Later, after our _onsen_ \- see I kept my promise- we’ll be eating a famous eel dish. Then off to the largest summer festival in Matsue!”

 

* * *

_Sunset was a sight to behold, from pale pink to a blazing vermilion. Wanted to ask your sister about the tiny island clustered with trees near the middle of the lake, but she has no idea about them too. Had the kasane nidan. Did not expect to have the grilled eel under the layers of rice. Was really good, not like the stinky mackerel your sister feeds me back in Tokyo. Also had to go to the Tamatsukuri shrine first before the Tamatsukuri onsen. Had a quick dip at the Tamayu river before rushing to see the fireworks at the festival in front of the lake. Incredible backdrop against the lake surface, much, much larger than the one in Lake Jinzai. Thought there would be a competition to trick Yut Lung in again but alas, lady luck was not on my side today._

_P.S. Your sister leaned on Blanca’s shoulder on the way home. Yut Lung was busy dozing off to notice._

* * *

 

While Ibe was busy taking pictures of an insistent Yut Lung with his bodyguard in front of the lake, Ash made his way to enjoy the crimson afterglow with his sister.

 

“Ma said _kataware-doki_ about this time too.”

 

“It’s not a term used around these parts. I think _kawatare-doki_ is the better antiquated term. Your mom must be from around the Hida area. It’s near here, so-”

 

Ash had no idea about Japanese geography at all so he lets her blab on.

 

“Twilight can also be _tasokare-doki,_ another old term for _tasogare_. It’s either dawn or dusk anyway, so…” his sister said before taking out her enormous note pad and brush and begins scribbling. “If we look at the kanji,” she then spelled out 黄昏 in block letters. “It’s literally ‘dark yellow light’ or ‘yellow dusk’ if we translate each character separately but if we write _tasokare_ this way-“ she scribbled 誰そ彼. “It becomes ‘Where is that?’ but if we pronounce _kare_ to _tare_ or _dare_ it becomes ‘Who are you?’ so-“ She ripped out the paper and then wrote 誰そ彼は. “ _Taso kare wa_ -“ she pointed at the characters. “Can become _tasokare_ and then _karetaso-doki,_ and then _kawatare-doki-“_ she wrote 彼は誰時 below the earlier one. _“Which can mean ‘Who is he at this hour’_ and then _kataware-doki_.”

 

“My head is spinning,” Ash groaned.

 

“Etymology’s supposed to give you a headache,” his sister laughed. “That’s why people rarely study this shit.”

 

“But you know about it.”

 

“Even when I hated dad when I found out, I couldn’t forget the things he taught me,” Rin laughed. “Kinda pisses you off, huh? When the person you loathed the most knew a ton of cool things…”

 

He remembered the gun he nicked from his dad one day to kill that fucking baseball coach. “Guess.” He did not really want to say anything anymore and marvelled at the eventide. “Being here makes you remember a ton, huh?”

 

“Yeah,” his sister said. “I can face them now though. I’m not alone anymore.”

 

Ash smiled. “Yeah.” _Guess you aren’t, Eiji._

 

* * *

 

He was early again, but the sun was early as well, and getting warmer.

 

“It’s the cruellest month,” his mother noted as he helped her chop some spring onion and tofu. “I worry about Tokyo. It will be hotter there.”

 

“’M’sure it’ll be fine,” Ash waved off. He was wearing a tank top at night to compensate for the lack of air conditioner. “Thanks for worrying,” he turned pink at this.

 

His mother continued to hum as she chopped some oki beef. They were having _yakiniku_ for breakfast and Ash was keen to get the prime cuts. “Something the matter?”

 

“Feels weird that’s all,” was his frank reply. “Never thought you’d let me and Rin in.” It was not something he was used to.

 

His mother continued chopping her beef. “You’re an adult now. You will understand why,” she said. “Being an adult means you are unafraid to love.”

 

“Not every adult is like that,” Ash grinned as he recalled a past life. “Most of them are cowards. Experience just made them weak.”

 

“Will you be like them then?” his mother asked innocuously. She then fetched the sauce.

 

* * *

 

“You alright bro?” his sister began waving her hand in front of his eyes. Everyone’s gaze was also affixed on him that he quickly made an effort to excuse his lack of hydration and began to drink in earnest.

 

“It _is_ hot,” Yut Lung noted under his sunglasses as he fanned himself.

 

“Hmm…” Even Rin wasn’t immune to the heat as she took a parasol with one hand. “We’ll be going to a shrine at the top of mount Hirata. I was thinking of going up the 1,300 stone steps, but we can just take the bus.”

 

Yut Lung and Ibe breathed sighs of relief as they made their way to the station.

 

“We’ll be going to our first Buddhist temple in Izumo, the Ichibata Yakushi. It’s claim to fame is curing eyesight… not too sure about that but no offense to the pilgrims. Once a year in October, there is a marathon up on the stone steps. Not that we’ll be able to participate of course. Now, once upon a time, in the year 894 to be exact, there was a fisherman whose mother was blind and discovered a golden buddha, the Yakushi Nyorai, washed out from the beach. The buddha was said to come from Korea because of the current along the coast, but yeah, all assumptions. So after praying fervently in front of the Yakushi Nyorai, his mother’s eyesight was restored.”

 

“Didn’t work on my eyesight though,” Ash laughed.

 

“We didn’t pray hard enough,” his sister laughed as they hopped on the bus. This time, Blanca made sure to sit beside Yut Lung as she supported Ash from behind.

 

“So what, does Yut Lung know about you and Blanca?”

 

His sister wore a puzzled expression. “What about us?”

 

“It’s getting obvious that even the likes of that little snake will notice. Something happened during those last two weeks I was out of the picture.”

 

“We’re just friends.”

 

“Don’t give me that bullcrap,” was his tart reply. Shorter had said that a couple of times too. “None of us are that stupid, sis.”

 

“We’re really just friends,” his sister laughed. “Totally not my type. Too attractive for my tastes.”

 

“Says you when you were holding hands with him in Lake Jinzai.”

 

“Yeah, nothing wrong with that right?” his sister shrugged.

 

“What about you leaning on him at the bus?”

 

“Not like we had a choice. Bus was cramped. Didn’t Yut Lung lean on you too when he dozed off?”

 

Ash glowered at her. “Don’t generalise it. Even Yut Lung’s not that stupid.”

 

“You overthink it too much,” his sister said quietly. “You’ve been taking your time helping mother, aren’t you?”

 

“You speak of her too formally.”

 

“Just happy, I guess,” she said. “This trip’s doing more than these _matsuris_ and _onsen_ visits.”

 

“I never got to ask…” Ash then said as their bus began its ascent towards the mountain. “You never blamed her for what happened, did you? Did she ever apologise?”

 

“Do we always need to look for an apology? Doesn’t it sound a little too entitled?” she beamed. “Sounds a little childish, innit? Isn’t her letting us stay with the yummiest food apology enough?”

 

“Still…”

 

“I’m grown up already,” Rin said. “You don’t have to worry about me and my fragile feelings. Just focus on having fun during your stay, yeah?”

 

Both of them held onto the poles as the road got steeper. Ash leaned on his sister’s side.

  

* * *

 

_Day 5_

_First was Ichibata Yakushi, a Buddhist temple. Skipped the 1,300 stone steps but still ended up taking the stairs to the main temples. Yakushi-nyorai, the temple buddha was wearing a bib of flowers. Didn’t get to ask why because I was trying to prevent myself from laughing too hard and get smacked in the nape again. Also went to the Hachiman-shisen-butsudo temple near the main temple to see the 84,000 buddhas. Also went to see count all the 108 donated stone lanterns, the number of evil passions. Yut Lung was keen in explaining that the stone lanterns were introduced by China in Japan during the 6 th century and actually held light to represent the teachings of Buddha lighting the darkness of ignorance, all the while looking at me with that smug look on his face. Eventually though, they were used to light up shrines and temples instead of just being votive lights. Had a magnificent view of the coast on one side and Lake Shinji on the other. Nearly dozed off under a cedar tree if not for Yut Lung laughing his ass off when he saw me. Blanca swore that little shit nearly pushed me down the mountain._

_Ibe insisted that we go to the Saka shrine, where the deity of sake was. Didn’t know sake originated around these parts. Got to sample some during our trip at the Cotton Road. Yut Lung got too shitfaced and dozed when we took a ride to the Hinomisaki Cape and visited the white lighthouse at the tip. Also stopped along the Hinomisaki Coast to watch the sunset. Went to the Daichanko drinking district afterwards but left quickly with Yut Lung because they still think I look like a middle school student._

* * *

 

Their golden goose refused to come out of the small white truck they rented, too exhausted out of all the walking they did (and the sake Blanca and Rin kept tricking him into drinking whenever he complained of being thirsty).

 

His sister was quiet this time, not bothering to explain the rock formations or the birds that were perching the railings as they inhaled the ocean air and the cries of the waves that lapped the edge.

“You ok?” he asked. She shook her head and mumbled some assurance.

 

“Just tired. We’ve been going to and fro I can barely move my legs. You should wait in the car. Shit, the mosquitoes are coming out to play. I might stay here for a little while.”

 

“I’ll take him,” said Ibe before Blanca could say another word. Ash was then wheeled away and pushed inside with a disgruntled Yut Lung who turned to his right, his glossy hair already in disarray and reminded him more of that ghost Ibe told them about when they were going home two days ago.

 

He looked outside. It was almost after dark and the sea seemed so calm. He saw Rin and Blanca’s backs. She looked like a tiny domino compared to his bear-like figure. She then leaned her head on his arm. Her shoulders then broke along with the roaring tide. Blanca’s arm wrapped itself around them, carrying them all as she caved in and crumbled.

 

* * *

 

He would find out why hours later when he made his way to the bathroom, Ibe pushing his wheelchair. Eiji’s mother and little sister had already retired then. He had no idea where Yut Lung was and readily assumed, based on his drunken stupor during their visit in the drinking district to taste all the local sake, that the viper was out like a light.

 

Both of them froze when they heard familiar voices in the dining area. It had no sliding doors that would make it easy to pass up to the bathroom.

 

“…lived with my auntie when mom’s car ran down that cliff,” he heard his sister’s low voice as liquid was poured. “Used to despise mom and dad because of that. Told me a ton of stories about this place, the myths, the gods…” she laughed. “Left a bitter taste in my mouth when you know, shit happened.  Was a pretentious little bitch to hold them accountable. As I grew up and took Eiji in I tried being the person my mom wasn’t… Shit, sounds pretty stupid-“

 

“There’s nothing stupid about that,” he heard Blanca’s soft baritone. “I’m still listening.”

 

“Ok then,” her tone was similar to the one when she thanked Ash on the train. “Growing up made me realise that life never really owed us anything. It’s a selfish and puerile mindset. Most of the time you gotta suck it up and just keep on trucking.”

 

Blanca took a while to respond. “Not exactly a groundbreaking conclusion, but I drink to that.”

 

Damn, that ex-hitman didn’t even make a sound as he drank. He heard Rin chortling again.

 

“Had to mature when Eiji asked to live with me. To be honest though, can’t say I stick to what I said a hundred percent of the time… fucking hell, I don’t even know what I’m rambling about anymore…”

 

“We just put up with our ghosts. I do.”

 

“The nightmares must be pleasant then… What do you think about the sake this time? Best sake in the island, hands down.”

 

“…The aftertaste is unforgettable.”

 

“Still a fucking creep. _Kanpai._ ”

 

There was the clinking of glasses and the sound of a door sliding shut. Ash’s blood ran cold. It came from the bathroom. Someone was still not finished using the tub.

 

* * *

 

_Were he and Ibe the only ones who knew?_

It was quiet in the truck. Yut Lung did not bother uttering another word while her sister told them about their next destination: A town called Unnan.

 

“Ma told us to get more plum wine from grandma for the festival tomorrow,” his sister said as she drove. “We’re gonna get the entire streets of Izumo drunk! We’re also gonna go to the Tanabata Festival to ask for our wishes to be granted. This festival has been a 400-year tradition in Unnan!”

 

Everyone was too exhausted to bother whining of another long day. It took barely thirty minutes before they arrived at the city centre as they passed along the Hii river, going through rice fields, mountains, and forests.

 

“You see these green sakura trees? Springtime has you going into a tunnel of pink. Despite being a small town, this is swarming with people for the cherry blossom viewing in the spring. In another town in Mitoya, they also have yellow-green cherry blossoms. Yoshida also has a beautiful _katsura_ Judas tree that has leaves turning a bright, fiery red in the spring.”

 

“Does your grandma live there?” Yut Lung turned to Ash.

 

“Nah, grandma lives far from the city, ‘bout half an hour away. No hustlin’ and bustlin’ for her,” his little sister was sitting beside them and kept craning her head at the window behind. “You think Ibe-san’s ok?”

 

“He’s probably taking photos,” Ash scoffed. “He’s as excited with nature as the rest of the people onboard.”

 

“Do not rope me in,” Yut Lung waved his hand. “The humidity is insufferable-“

 

“Ooh, aren’t we a little too tense today?” Ash said. “What’s on your mind, darling Yeet?”

 

“Mind your own business, little Eiji. Your voice grates my ears. Let me have my nap-“

 

At least the snake still bites back.

 

“Lee-san’s right. I’m already taller than ya, onii-chan. Wonder if onii-chan still a chance.”

 

“Not you too. My head still hurts from yesterday. Hope you brought more _shijimi_ from breakfast earlier.”

 

* * *

 

San’ouji was a mountain village with a population of 35 households, which collectively tend to the terraced fields bordering the small town. A one-way unpaved road was the only way that led it to civilization.

 

“It’s beautiful during dawn,” his little sister said as they stepped out the car and knocked on their grandma’s house, which, despite having a gate and a small garden out front, was dingier than their place back in Izumo. “Clouds descend from the mountains and covers the fields in mist. Grandma and the rest call it a sea of clouds… The green seedlings before harvest also makes an awesome view!”

 

His grandma had already prepared them tea when they entered. She wore a yukata and clogs, her white hair tucked neatly in a bun. Her accent was harder for Ash to comprehend. Even Rin had difficulty keeping up with her as she asked them to take off their shoes and get their lunch of blanched asparagus, okra spinach, and _komatsuna_ which were dressed in dashi, soy sauce, and mirin and garnished with bonito flakes with pickled cucumber and fried _kiriboshi_ daikon as sides. She also made some pork gyoza with extra vegetables as well.

 

By the time they finished, his grandmother had already set two pitchers full of golden brown plum wine.

 

“Isn’t it too early?” Rin asked nervously. Ash quickly assumed that she still hadn’t recovered from their drinking session last night.

 

She was already pouring each of them glasses full of the stuff and was blabbering on in a Japanese that Ash couldn’t really understand.

 

“She said your _sake_ from last night was no match for her _umeshu_ ,” his little sister laughed. “And you’re a bunch of chickens.”

 

Well damn, Yut Lung didn’t take it lying down and downed his glass in one gulp, sending his grandmother’s bespectacled face at his direction and began to speak again.

 

“She said you should try one of her treasured yukatas for the festival later. She’s also going to do your hair.”

 

All of them smirked in response at his direction. There was no way he’d say no to a granny.

 

* * *

 

The rest of their afternoon was spent hauling four boxes of plum wine to the back of the truck while Ash watched and enjoyed sipping his cool cucumber and lemon tea. Afterwards, they had to make new wines to replace the other ones with the plums from tree outside their yard. Eiji’s little sister ended up climbing the tree while the rest came to pick up the fruit. Rin got the _shochu_ they bought from their wild trip last night and along with Ash and Yut Lung, proceeded to pour rock sugar at each of the glass jars and then the green plums (Yut Lung vandalised his batches by piercing each plum with a character of his name), followed by the shochu.

 

“And then we will store this under the kitchen floorboards,” said his little sister once they finished picking their plums. She and Rin helped their grandma up to highest one, tearing out the floorboards near the door and lowering the sake under other jugs.

 

She asked Ibe to get her four jugs of plum wine and gave one to Ibe, one to Blanca, and two to Yut Lung.

 

“Knew you’re the favorite!” Rin egged him on. Yut Lung doesn’t even meet her eyes as he got one on each hand, his stance wobbling more and more as the seconds wore by.

 

His grandma beckoned the Lee heir to follow her into her room. They heard a muffled screech when the door closed.

 

* * *

 

Ash managed to got wind of Yut Lung when they began tying their wishes around an open bamboo several hours later. He was wearing a purple Yukata with silver and red cranes and fans anchoring his chest and the bottom part under the sash. His fringes were artfully framed on both sides of his face, two pins of red enamel camellias pierced his right side. It really suited him.

 

“Did you wish for lightning to strike my sister or something?” he said playfully.

 

Yut Lung returned to his snooty self and folded his arms, nose aloft. “Please. I can do a cleaner job with my needles. Want me to demonstrate, little Eiji?”

 

“Alright, alright, I give,” Ash raised his hands half-heartedly. “Just making sure.”

 

Yut Lung made sure to tie a second knot for his wish. “You don’t have to break it to me gently. Never really had a chance with him.” His usually malicious eyes seemed to shine more than usual when he looked at Ash. “What about you? Prayed for that back of yours?”

 

Ash looked at his wish. _To meet Eiji._ He shrugged. “Something along those lines.” Doesn’t matter where, as long as Eiji will be able to walk. “Anyway, the others went ahead to buy booze and I don’t know where the hell they are so… Wanna see the parade first?”

 

Yut Lung exhaled and placed his right hand on top of his face in a dramatic fashion. “You piss me off. You care too much about other people. Can’t even take care of yourself properly.”

 

“I’m doing a better job at it than you though,” Ash stuck out his tongue. “Come on. We’ll miss it when we dilly-dally.”

 

Sure enough, they managed to be in front when Yut Lung excused Ash’s state to push back even the chattering yukata-clad youngsters. Both of them breathed it all in as the swirls of colourful paper lanterns seemed to glide as prismatic jellyfishes or enormous lit boats with watermelons bordering the sides. The Daito marching district also had many homes filled with paper decorations of kimonos, purses, streamers called _fukinagashi,_ nets, cranes, and trash bags.

 

Yut Lung’s gaze remained fixed on the parade. His eyes reminded Ash of one of the little ones pushing their way in front of them.

 

“My eldest brother called me before the trip and asked me to take over our base in California for them.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Nothing yet. I still have until tomorrow to decide. That’s why I came when your sister insisted.”

 

Ash continued looking at the parade. The flutes were also beginning to play as some of the Shinto priests passed.

 

“He looks happy, doesn’t he?” Yut Lung asked.

 

Ash was unable to give a quick answer. “Looks like it.”

 

“Ok. That’s enough,” his lips move sideways. A rare smile crossed his face as he wiped his eyes. “Still fucking hurts though.”

 

There was the loud cacophony of drums and chanting as more banners and lanterns passed.

 

“Don’t worry,” Ash called out. “The drums are too loud. No one will hear.”

 

Yut Lung covered his face completely. His back rippled as his head sunk on Ash’s left shoulder. Ash continued to fixate himself on the parade.

 

* * *

 

_Day 6_

_We came to visit your grandmother in Unnan. Your little sister said she thinks I am not you. Laugh all you want I am not denying it. Made a ton of plum wine and sampled too much I nearly passed out when we visited Mineji temple. Your grandmother seemed to be fond of Yut Lung. Gave him two extra plum wines, talking about them being made by a gaijin a long time ago. Had him wear this gaudy yukata. Excited at how you’ll react when you see Yut Lung’s picture. He was redder than the rouge on his eyes and lips when Blanca complimented him._

_Went to the Tanabata festival and thought about the Orihime and Hikoboshi. Reminded me of you in a way. Had to make an extra tanzaku to confuse your sisters. Yut Lung didn’t want me to see his, but still ended up seeing it when he turned away. He wished to come back next year. You’ll end up touring him around so polish your Mandarin and Cantonese._

_Ended up getting lost with Yut Lung and came into an area with an ocean of fireflies. Both of us ended up lying on the grass to marvel at the sky. Made it in time come midnight to see the bamboos burning with our wishes. Had me wondering what you wished this year. Not telling you mine, of course._

* * *

 

Ash had Ibe drive him towards the cemetery near the sacred beach just as light began splitting behind them. He lowered the tiger lilies he picked from the fields in San’ouji last night and lowered them there.

 

“Been awhile since you came back here,” said Ibe.

 

“It’s our last day. Better to tie up the loose ends,” Ash said as he looked up, waiting for the sky to turn salmon and gold. “Did you enjoy your stay?”

 

“Hell yeah. Can’t wait for the _onsen_ later with the sea view and then the _obon_. I’m lucky to be back here again.”

 

“Do you miss Eiko-san?”

 

“W-Where did that question come from?”

 

“I’m twenty. I’m not a kid anymore. And you are a guest so you owe me.”

 

“Don’t play that card… geez. I do, sometimes. But I’m happy with my job. I’m going to New York actually to cover some gangs in a few months’ time. Wanna come as my assistant?”

 

“Now that invitation came out of nowhere,” Ash laughed and was about to say yes but closed his mouth. “I’ll think about it. Still have my rehab to worry about.” He’ll let Eiji decide if he wanted to meet, whenever he was ready.

 

“True. You still have a lot of things to worry about.”

 

“Does this involve Blanca and my sister?”

 

“I knew I wasn’t the only one!”

 

“She kept insisting they were just friends. Yut Lung’s not buying it. Haven’t asked Blanca yet though, so I can’t be too sure.”

 

“Well… let’s just say I think there’s something going on. Rin has been through a lot lately since your accident and with the Yakuza and all… so I guess she ended up relying on Blanca.”

 

“You are quite perceptive.”

 

“Have to be. I’m a photographer, remember? Always looking for a story. Frames are as fast as falling sakura petals,” he grinned.

 

“I have to step up, huh?”

 

“Yes. You’re doing a great job though. Taming Yut Lung a little.”

 

“Sheesh, I have to. Heard the _onsen_ this time’s really expensive.”

 

“Don’t have to downplay your achievements.”

 

“It’s true though.”

 

Both of them looked at the half-lit sky. Ash then pressed his palms together and bowed his head to pray.

 

* * *

 

The guests of the Okumura household, Ash included, did not take it well when they found out that their onsen in Araiso just southeast of Izumo, was cancelled.

 

“We need more people for the _mikoshi_ later,” Rin scratched her head in obvious frustration. “And the Bon Odori.”

 

Yut Lung was ashen-faced. “You said-“

 

“Yeah, yeah, but we really are missing people to carry Susanoo’s palanquin. Blanca here has the strength of ten men so he can compensate with me and Shun-san. Eiji can’t so he’s gonna be a boss with _sensei_. Darling Yut Lung over here,” she said, patting the teen’s head out of nowhere. “Also has a special role. I have your uniform ready…” her mouth curled into a grin that made Yut Lung backtrack by several feet.

 

“Not again!”

 

* * *

 

“Are you really-“ Yut Lung panted heavily as he trailed behind as usual. He was stumbling already and was half-climbing the stone steps. “Did you really go to class every day?” he moaned as he scrambled a few feet away. They were having their practice at Eiji’s old high school. His little sister already went on ahead and promised a hearty lunch when they arrive.

 

Ash had the luxury of being carried by Blanca with minimal effort and was finding Yut Lung’s struggle as entertaining as usual. A snake can’t climb stairs like able-limbed people after all. “Of course I did.” He didn’t. “This is chicken feed.” He liked lying and having the likes of Yut Lung believe him. “If you don’t hurry up, you won’t be able to rest before practice.”

 

“Eh, the dance is easy to follow so there’s no trouble,” said Rin just behind Blanca and Ash. Ibe was too busy taking pictures of Yut Lung and the rest to agree. “I worry more about our state when we carry the _mikoshi_ down this hill and up his shrine. We also might end up running at full speed and bouncing our lovely deity up and down-“

 

“You’re fucking serious?” Ash, being a boss, was lucky to be carried around and give orders on what the others will do, but now he worried how he’ll survive when they descend and ascend around Izumo.

 

“Yup. Nothing to worry about. We’ll also be taking a dip in the river. I mean, it was where Orochi was vanquished so-“

 

“We’re seriously gonna wear a _fundoshi_?” Ibe was aghast and nearly dropped his camera.

 

Rin nodded cheerfully.

 

“What’s a _fundoshi_?” Blanca asked.

 

Rin grin reminded him of a gremlin. “Oh, you’ll like it.”

 

* * *

 

Blanca did.

 

Actually, Blanca was comfortable with anything, _that ass_. He was the first to take off his clothes in broad daylight when they were asked to change, sending the females and some men throwing their parasols in front of them to shield their eyes. He noted his sister’s lack of surprise at his former mentor’s wide girth. Yut Lung rushed forward when he heard the screams only to be drowned by the sea of parasols. He tried slithering down to see but everyone was keen on covering every inch of Blanca’s body from everyone but the gods themselves. In the end, Yut Lung got carried off by Eiji’s _imouto_ to the other side of the field for their _bon odori_ practice.

 

Ash also had difficulty coming to practice because everyone was too keen on welcoming him, from Eiji’s old teachers up to his ex-classmates and _kouhais_. He had no time chatting with them all, _thank the gods_ , because everyone was keen to get a piece of him. It was only before lunch before everyone lifted up his wheelchair like a damn _mikoshi_ back to the old track and field, where Eiji’s former club adviser and English teacher was waiting for him.

 

“Your friend’s really strong,” Eiji’s ex-teacher noted of Blanca, who, with Ibe and two more people, had no problem keeping up with the twelve people lifting the palanquin on the right. Later he and _sensei_ would be sitting on both ends to lead them on. Ibe was beside himself when Rin suggested they try “bouncing” the _mikoshi_.

 

Ash was busy dusting himself to bother affirming his words. Blanca’s strength already spoke volumes, that scary beefcake. He hasn’t lost his touch at least.

 

“How’re things for ya, Eiji-kun?”

 

“Well,” Ash pointed at his wheelchair that Blanca carried on his back earlier as he lifted not-Eiji up the steps. Must be the reason why Yut Lung got so flustered. “Aside from this though, doing ok. Will be starting my rehab again next week.”

 

“Wish you visited the high school earlier and saw your _kouhais_. The club’s working four times as hard now that our star player’s gone-“

 

“Geez, I’m really that good?” No seriously, Eiji was really that amazing? He shouldn’t be taken by surprise anymore, but he keeps remembering how Eiji missed a ton of shots during their basketball match in Chinatown.

 

“Of course you are. That’s why this shouldn’t stop you.”

 

Ash’s lip curled. “Wonder about that.” Judging by his reception earlier, Eiji was also their local treasure of sorts. Must’ve been stressful.

 

“Honestly, the coach and I’m happy you decided to take that scholarship in Tokyo,” his coach said as Rin began instructing the rest in carrying the _mikoshi_ just a few feet away. Blanca had no problem with Ibe and three more people on the other end supporting his sister and fourteen more on the other end. “Izumo’s too small a stage for someone like you.”

  
“Sorry to burst your bubble, _sensei_ but-“ Ash laughed as he pointed at his legs again. “The world was too big too. I-”

 

No really, he was beside himself for speaking on Eiji’s behalf. He couldn’t find any words to tie together even as _sensei_ patted his shoulder in steady assurance.

 

“Yes, it’s a really big, big world. More places to explore, right? Kinda makes your heart skip just by thinking up of all it has to offer…”

 

Ash wondered. He really did.

 

“I don’t think this is the end of the road for you. The world’s not flat for a reason,” his sensei smiled. “Instead of that imaginary wall, I think of distance. More chances to walk past these checkpoints.”

 

He smiled at this. He wanted to indulge himself in this selfishness even just for today. “I’m really lucky then to have reached this point.”

 

His _sensei_ offered his chocolate Pocky in reply.

 

* * *

 

Yut Lung’s hair was already tied up with extra strands raining down to frame his pale face when they ate lunch together in the corner. Ash wanted his peace of mind and was practicing his chants for later as well as the hand gestures. He kept messing up when music was involved. Still had to get used to the drums and flutes.

 

“You look peachy,” Ash greeted before chomping down his mom’s homemade soba. He asked for extra helpings when Blanca had the gall to request first.

 

“I saw your abysmal leading earlier,” Yut Lung fired back coolly. “Quite a sight when you climb the shrine.”

Ash flipped him off kindly. “Excited to see what you’ll be wearing.”

 

Yut Lung growled as Ash grabbed his sunglasses and put it on. “Can’t believe you’d rope me in suddenly. It’s difficult to keep up with them. I’d rather carry the shrine than make screw up our routine. Everyone will be looking at me because I’m an outsider-“

 

“So in other words, you’re just… scared of making a mistake?” Ash said. “If you screw up with the _mikoshi_ , you’d crush one or two of us, tops.”

 

Before Yut Lung could utter a reply though, someone began calling them from behind. His little sister, whose hair was also braided up like Yut Lung’s.

 

“We still have extra eel left,” his sister said, holding up her massive bento with both hands. “Here, help yourselves.”

 

“Yeah, uh, is this snake really not that much of a dancer? Be honest with me,” he said as he began taking two more pieces for his leftover rice.

 

She looked at him incredulously. “What are you talking about? He’s one of our frontliners. When our lead dancers saw him in the Lake Jinzai Matsuri, they asked about Lee-san. It’s a shame he won’t be here for the _kagura_ in November. That would’ve been quite a sight.”

 

“You’re fucking shitting me,” Ash turned to Yut Lung.

 

“That’s not true,” he said flatly.

 

“You’re an invaluable part of the team,” his sister interjected. “Everyone’s happy that you’re there. You just have to lighten up and be a little less hard on yourself.”

 

Ash felt he had this conversation before. He turned to Yut Lung, who became quiet, hands still in the midst of his half-finished meal. Despite the calm façade he kept showing, his eyes were clearly terrified.

 

“Even if you do make mistakes, only the gods will judge us,” his sister said. “If you really don’t want to… well…”

 

“What are you talking about?” Yut Lung said. “As an invaluable part of the team, I can’t let everyone down. The procession is in two hour. It’s too late to quit.”

 

His little sister hugged him unabashedly. Yut Lung was surprised at this and tried to pry her away, but her years of hard labor helping their grandma in San’ouji trumped over his biological advantage. “Thank you. You’re a good person, Lee-san.”

 

Ash’s expression softened when he saw Yut Lung’s eyes flickering with warmth for a tiny moment. She then quickly let go and began offering the extra eel to newer volunteers.

 

The so-called young master’s gaze was faraway for several seconds before he resumed eating with much more gusto.

 

“Can’t believe she’d have the audacity to wrap her filthy hands on your smooth skin,” Ash teased.

 

“Me too…” Yut Lung continued looking at the overlooking view of the city in front of them. “Can’t believe this is my last day here. Or in Japan for that matter.”

 

“You’re really going then? What about Blanca?”

 

“He’ll be fine. He’s happier here,” he said. From their right, Blanca was already ready, wearing the loincloth _fundoshi,_ his body in full glory _,_ hair knotted up, a white headband around his head. The rest of the women were gawking at the sight. Rin was throwing her red _happi_ at his direction, telling him that he was a distraction.

 

“Weird to hear you say that out loud,” Ash said.

 

Yut Lung covered his mouth as he laughed. “Keep an eye on them for me.”

 

Ash doubted he can.

 

* * *

 

Like his sister, Ash wore a red vest and a blue belt patterned with snake scales, a nod to Orochi, the snake Susanoo vanquished. Rin also tied a vivid green handkerchief around his head.

 

“I still forget the chants,” he admitted before yelling at the tightness of the sash. His sister was still a sadist as usual.

 

“That’s why _sensei_ ’s here,” Rin said breezily, her vigor still apparent with the strength of her backslap. Ash yelped and nearly jumped despite the numbness in his legs. “Just have fun. It’s been awhile since you’ve been in the _shinwa_. Mom will be joining the dance later after work.”

 

Ash remembered their conversation from before. Before he can say anything though, Yut Lung ran at their direction, clad in deep indigo with white, gold and vermilion overlapping snake patterns adorning his left sleeve. He wore a pleated black pants underneath that almost resembled a skirt. He held out a red sash in front of him and a yellow cord. “Can you secure this around my waist? Your little sister had to go out to call your mother. I also need assistance since I forgot where the restrooms are-“

 

“Sure thing. Shun-san, can you take care of Ash for a moment?” Rin beckoned Ibe and keenly began skipping along as she walked beside Yut Lung. Ash noted the _geta_ Yut Lung was wearing. He wondered how the hell he was able to walk with only a single platform supporting his middle.

 

“Want to follow them?” Ibe asked after twenty seconds.

 

“You read my mind,” was Ash’s call and they were off.

 

“Wonder if Yut Lung will give her a list of things to remember when dealing with Blanca,” the older man suggested.

 

Ash chortled at this. “Wonder if he’ll even give her his blessing. You can never fully trust a snake…”

 

“Hmm… you’ve been awfully chummy with him though.”

 

“Keep your enemies closer.” As the romanticised Mafia movie would say. Before he can continue proving his point though, they were able to hear Yut Lung’s muffled yelps just a few feet away behind a clubroom building.  
  
“What’s wrong, Golden Moon-kun?” he could hear his sister close to tears from laughing so much. “Want another uniform? There’s one with a shorter cut if you want to emphasize those sexy legs-“

 

“No thank you,” he could hear his affronted voice as usual. “The sash is just too tight.”

 

“Really? That’s how I usually tie it though,” his sister said before a hearty laugh. “Must’ve gained weight during your stay here.”

 

“You don’t have to include yourself on the list of the people who told me I got fatter. Blanca’s already a handful.”

 

She tittered again. “Wonder why you didn’t fire that smarmy bastard. Must’ve been hell just being in the same room as him.”

 

“Not really.” There was a long pause. “His record is impressive. He outlasted the rest. Being the bodyguard of the seventh son is not really that rewarding.”

 

She sighed in reply. “Wish the rest didn’t make fun of your pampered lifestyle. Makes sense for you to be proud where you came from.”

 

Blanca must’ve told her. Or she would have easily deduced that Yut Lung’s name had a hefty price.

 

“They can laugh all they want,” he could hear Yut Lung shuffling his feet. “I… don’t get it. I’ve been complaining nonstop and none of you get really pissed off. Your brother, your stepmom…”

 

Rin laughed again. “Patience must be part of the Okumura DNA.”

 

“Can I ask you something?” Yut Lung’s voice was solemn and restrained. “It might offend you.”

 

“What?” she said lightly. “I know, I grew fatter during our stay here too.”

 

“It’s not that! It’s something more serious…”

 

“If it’s about our share on the food and _onsen_ , I’ll write a check in two months’ tops-“

 

“You are assuming again! It’s not that! Stop making that face!”

 

“Aww if it’s about the yukatas, I know where we can buy one as your souvenir-“

 

“Let me have my moment goddammit!”

 

“Alright… I’ll shut up now,” she couldn’t contain herself and continued laughing. “Ok like right now.  Ok, ready.”

 

“Stop laughing!” he spat before inhaling. “I… overheard you a few days ago. I’m sorry about your mother.”

 

There was the sound of plastic and the crunch of chips. “Want some? The yam’s pretty good.”

 

“Are you really going to make light of the situation?”

 

“Of course not. I’m offering you this because I want to answer all your questions the best I can. It might get long winded. Never really the person to keep secrets. Just makes you a repressed and sappy little bitch.”

 

“Blanca must have told you.”

 

“He likes divulging other people’s drama more than his. What a secretive bastard,” Rin sighed heavily. “Yet you still trust him. Takes a ton of heart to do that.”

 

“Not really,” his voice was quieter than earlier. “What you’ve done takes tremendous will. If I were honest, I admire you. For taking Eiji in. For staying under his homewrecker of a mother.”

 

“What the hell, you shouldn’t call her that.”

 

“You said you’d answer all my questions the best way you can,” he huffed.

 

“Then what? You’re wondering if I hated her?” Rin said without missing a beat. She scratched her head. “I’d be lying if I say never.”

 

It took a while for Yut Lung to respond. “It makes me wonder. How you found the heart to forgive her.”

 

There was a rustling of plastic and then chewing sounds before Eiji’s sister can reply. “Kinda pisses me off. How empathy is so overrated. People make such a big deal out of it when people are given second chances. Like they’re moths and the flame might burn them if they got too close, yet they still hover and fascinate over it.” She continued taking in more chips again. “I don’t think it’s like that at all. You fuck up, but you rise above it, not afraid to show the scars you’ve endured in the process. God, it sounds like drivel when I say it. Fucking hell, but you get it right? You cannot compare my experience with yours of course, but that’s how I took it. I didn’t think I’d pull through. But I did and I’ll continue to. As long as I still have something to live for. You already know who.”

 

Ash felt a pang of longing in his chest. He wondered why Griff would continue living despite his weakened mental state. Maybe it’s the same with him.

 

“I…” his sister’s then began before exhaling. “Honestly, I’m not that special. I just think it’s a bore ruining someone’s life in return for how they ruined mine. Actually, I admire Eiji’s stepmom more. She knew she fucked up, but she lived through it. Guess that’s what I aspire to be. How exactly can you atone for the mistakes you made and the ends others have to live with because of your actions? She put it as eloquently as a mother can. When you see your children rise, you rise with them. She told me about the first time she saw Eiji fly. After all his hard work, to see him win made her want to wake up the next day and the next. I understood that better when I saw you guys enjoy yourselves visiting the place I used to despise when dad died. It’s been a short time but I hope you enjoyed it. You’ll make a great adult one day. Make me the godmother of your kid, alright? When I’ve built my Mafia empire, the lucky little shit will have the time of his life when you guys visit again.”

 

Yut Lung did not say anything for awhile. There was another ruffling of plastic and crackles of crisps. “You’re right,” he murmured. “It tastes very good. I… I’ll buy a lot before we return.”

 

“I got you my little moon. Already bought a box.”

 

He craned his head a little with Ibe's help. Yut Lung’s back was turned, but it fit Rin’s body comfortably as he embraced her.

 

* * *

 

Ash remembered the night before, when Rin was helping their mother clean the kitchen when Ash was about to open the door from his musings at the moon outside. His mother asked for any requests regarding tomorrow’s breakfast, to which his sister insisted that they get carp and bass this time.

 

He could then see the shadow of his sister’s ponytail leaning close to Eiji’s mother.

 

“I wanted to ask actually… what kept you going? Despite all that happened… even when Eiji was gone for two years…”

 

Her mother’s reply did not match the gentleness of her voice. “I kept replaying the question: Why don’t I kill myself for destroying a marriage? Over and over it played in my head. But of course, being a parent makes you remember that you don’t have the luxury of despair. Us mothers do not have the right to feel helpless and must help ourselves. I learned this at an early age. But I learned as I became a mother was that I didn’t have to do it alone.”

 

Rin took awhile to reply as she wiped the clean dishes. “Wish all the adults I met was as strong as you.”

 

“You can be in their stead then.”

 

Ash wished the same as he slept.

 

* * *

 

_Day 7_

_Enjoyed tonight. Led the mikoshi while your big sis, Blanca, and Ibe carried it with the rest. Yut Lung and your little sister did one hell of a performance for the Odori. Yut Lung did things with the poi ball that was reminiscent of Susanoo slaying Orochi’s head and it was fucking radical. Never saw Yut Lung look as contented as he did now. He probably feels the same way. Can’t wait for the pictures to develop and sent to us. The fireworks reminded me of a meteor shower I saw when I was a kid with Griff. Went to the usual onsen and had a seafood platter before the restaurant closed in the district._

_Kinda weird, because the past days here made me swallow bitter things, not just the highs. I guess we’re all terrible people. As we grow up, we just make bigger and badder mistakes that risk hurting and scarring others. But I guess despite our ability to destroy, we can also rebuild lives. Give others one new reason to wake up in the morning. My time here made me understand that._

_Wish you were here. It was a fun trip._ _Dandan, little onii-chan._

 

* * *

 

It was a hazy morning, a first and possibly the last time Ash will experience in Izumo. At the train station, each of them was presented with a unique bento handcrafted by Eiji’s mother and little sister.

 

“This one has twice the Shimane wagyu for those muscles. I made the sauce extra special. Not too savoury, not too sweet,” his mother said to Blanca, who made a great show of kissing her hand and earned him a stamp on the foot from Rin and Yut Lung.

 

“I added extra _tsukemono_ with your beef,” she then said to a beet red Yut Lung. “I saw you add more greens compared to the rest so I thought-“

 

“N-No, it’s- Your assumptions were correct. I do… thank you.” He lowered his head but received a long and tight hug from her.

 

“You’re always welcome here,” she said as she rubbed the long strands of his hair. He closed his eyes and kept curling his lower lip as his arms held on firmly around her waist. It took awhile to pry him off her so she can give the tempura bento with extra _daikon_ to Ibe and those _musubi_ rice balls to Rin.

 

Ash found his neck heating up when it was his turn. Like the others, he was presented with a black-lacquered circular bento, reminiscent of the bentos for the Izumo sobas everyone was insistent in getting when they can.

 

“Make sure you eat a lot so you can recover quickly. I’ll be sending vegetables next week. Keep an eye on them.”

 

Ash felt a chill run through his body as their hands touched when he took his bento. He wanted to say that he wasn’t really a fan of vegetables, of the greens to be exact. He was not a big fan of sour and spicy and salty that was always present in the dishes they ate. He couldn’t open his mouth when she continued talking.

 

“I… always waited outside, every morning and evening before and after work for you to come back,” a soft smile graced the harsh lines of her mouth. “If I gave up waiting, who knows where you’d have eaten your breakfast after your long train ride?”

 

He found himself shaking as he rubbed his eyes. “Y-Yeah, I can’t imagine.”

 

“You can always come home,” she said. Ash wondered for a moment if the sunlight behind her did not radiate directly from his mother.

 

He knew those words weren’t directed at him. But he still wept as she clung onto her shoulders, felt the calluses, saw the splotches and scars on her arms from work, smelled not perfume but the scent of hard work from her neck and hair.

 

 _Please let me come back_ , he said quietly as he enveloped her into a hug, the rest following suit. For once, he wanted to believe in Ookuninushi to grant this self-centred wish.

 

* * *

 

It was a hot afternoon in Haneda airport. Yut Lung was about to ask one of the airport attendants to carry his massive bags and two large carton boxes of souvenirs and waved at everyone goodbye.

 

Blanca raised a hand as well to Ash and the rest. “Excited for the continuation of our _onsen_ pilgrimage next time.”

 

Yut Lung turned at his direction, mouth hanging open. “What?”

 

“Yeah, Blanca’s coming with you,” Rin shrugged before turning to Blanca. “Didn’t you tell him?”

 

“You ruined the surprise,” was Blanca’s cool reply.

 

Ash and Yut Lung then broke into expletives that made the elders scowl as they passed.

 

“I thought-“

 

“-You two are together-“ Yut Lung finished.

 

“I already told you, we’re not,” Rin kept scratching her head. “I sound like a broken record, geez-“

 

“I’ll choose Your Highness’ cooking over hers any day-“

 

“What an ass… see? Definitely not relationship material. Now hurry up. Your flight’s in an hour.”

 

“I’ll take your bags, Your Highness…”

 

"Don't forget the  _umeshu_ from grandma."

 

“Hold on a sec-“ Ash was still processing everything. “So, we’re both wrong?” He turned at Yut Lung and began to laugh.

 

“So…” Yut Lung was no longer afraid to show how lost he felt. “This is goodbye then.” He raised a hand in front of Ash. “Shake, boy.”

 

“Fuck you,” Ash spat, sending more dirty looks from the old ladies that passed. “Where in America again?”

 

“LA…”

 

Ash gave him a quick smile. “Pretty far, huh?” He shook hands. “Send pictures of the celebrities there. Get a signed autograph from Al Pacino or River Phoenix for my sister, if you can manage…”

 

It took awhile for Yut Lung to speak. “I can’t thank you enough for everything…”

 

“Wait- wait- wait- what’s with you moping all of a sudden-“

 

“Just let me be emotional dammit!” Yut Lung thundered. “This will probably be the last time I’ll see you, with the high mortality rate in the Yakuza-“

 

“Aww, so you really want me to sleep with the fishes. That’s so sweet of you.”

 

“Sweeter than zensai,” Yut Lung was his old self again. “Come visit me if you have time. And if you’re still breathing.”

 

“Grow a little while you’re at it,” Ash raised a hand.

 

“Alright,” Yut Lung smiled and followed his bodyguard. “Until next time.”

 

“Yeah, see you.”

 

Both Rin and Ash waited until the escalator claimed the rest of them before pushing their trolleys at the station.

 

“Well, isn’t that sweeter than zensai?” his sister said.

 

Ash did not beat around the bush though. “You sure you didn’t do it for Yut Lung’s sake?”

 

“Partly,” his sister sighed as she fanned her face with the paper fan they nicked back in Izumo. “It was Blanca’s decision too. America’s where Yeet’s brothers are based. He might not pick you up at the airport alive if push came to shove.”

 

“And what’s your alibi?”

 

“I’m too fickle,” she laughed as she said that. “Don’t think I’m ready yet to commit to anything. Plus, being in the Yakuza’s fun! If I make it, a manga may be made after me one day.”

 

“Geez,” Ash scratched his head. “Is this because of your ex or something? You did saw Blanca was fine china.”

 

“Asshole loves his wife more than any woman he’ll lie in bed with. And shut up, that happened when you were being Sleeping Beauty in the hospital-“

 

“Holy shit! If Yut Lung finds out-“

 

“Yeah, yeah, I had my fun while you were away,” his sister said irritably.

 

“How was he?”

 

She turned pink. “Mind your own beeswax, little man.”

 

“How many times though?”

 

“What the fuck Eiji- It wasn’t-“

 

“So it happened more than once?” Oh man, oh man, oh man, Eiji will definitely be reading a ton of juicy nitty gritty when he returns. “Let me guess… Three? Five?”

 

“Forget it!” his sister said hotly. “We’re going home. Carry your bags yourself.”

 

“Hmm…” a familiar voice made them jump as Ibe scratched his chin. “So that’s the reason why it was noisy at the sauna in Unnan…”

 

“What the hell, you’re still here Shun-san?”

 

* * *

 

Ash still felt notoriously light-headed as he browsed for a polo with blue gridlines, a woolly grey vest, and penny loafers in his closet. He continued massaging his head when Shorter picked him up the next morning, back in Manhattan. He lowered his glasses when he saw Ash scowling at him.

 

“What?”

 

“You really wearing that shit?” Shorter laughed. “Almost thought you were Eiji till I saw your stupid face.”

 

“Watch it, asshole. My head hurts like hell…”

 

“Eiji’s fault. We drank a lot last night. Testing your body’s limits. Didn’t know he was fit. You should’ve seen him jump yesterday. Fucking A.”

 

“Just get me to Dr. Meredith’s,” he said tartly. That shrimp was going to pay for making him feel the aftereffects of their bacchanalia the other night.

 

“He was acting funny,” Shorter said as they neared a red light. “Didn’t have the guts to ask why.”

 

“Seriously are we still talking about him? How’s my brother?” he snapped. His mind was elsewhere though. He wondered what Eiji will think when he reads his entries. When he sees his pictures that Ibe will send. He wondered if that was enough.

 

“He’s doing well. He keeps losing track of time though, slight narcolepsy, but he’s getting better.”

 

“Good to know,” Ash was mumbling more as he kept worrying about Eiji doing something stupid. He did not even get to say goodbye to Shorter as he trudged up the stairs to the clinic, pulling the curtains to see his brother’s body covered with a white sheet.

 

His heart almost stopped.

 

“What’s the meaning of this, you old geezer-“ Ash barked at the old doctor when he removed the sheet, only to see a pile of pillows and a jack-o-lantern staring back at him. He bellowed bloody murder as he backtracked.

 

“Did you get that Dr. Meredith?” that familiar voice said. Ash turned his bloodshot eyes at his brother who was pushing his wheelchair forward. “That was quite a fright.”

 

“All here,” Dr. Meredith removed a covered medicine tray to reveal a small videocamera. Ash attempted to take it, but the doctor moved with surprising dexterity to duck his lunges and handed it back to Griffin. “You frighten me more than Ash now.”

 

The elder Callenreese tittered at the compliment. “I guess being drugged for ten years gave me enough time to plan. Happy Halloween, my brother.”

 

“You really remember that night… It’s not even Halloween yet!” Ash snorted before pulling his brother into a tight hug. “Good to see you, Griff.”

 

“You can leave us, Dr. Meredith. It’s almost three right? Your show will be on soon.” Eiji must have done a hand in making sure Griff doesn’t look like a caveman who just woke up from his multi-millennia hibernation. The cut wasn’t too long, nor were the ends too uneven. He should compliment his barber skills after criticising his yard sale choices, he supposed.

 

He sat on the bed as Griffin showed him the video. “Are you going to show this at our comet-viewing later?”

 

“Sure am. Can’t let that chance pass up,” he said and laughed as Ash groaned. “Eiji told me what kind of man you’ve become.”

 

“Shit… that shrimp can’t shut his mouth, can he?” he surrendered to lying down on the bed completely. “You’re not too spooked about it?”

 

“He has a big heart.”

 

“Don’t give me that bullcrap. Sound like your age for once.”

 

“You know how big hearts are. They tend to bear more scars,” he said dolefully as he looked at his legs. Ash imagined Eiji waking up again in that state. “He kept complaining about your diet and the clothes you insist on wearing.”

 

“Then tell him that he’s only living my life and should mind his own business!” he folded his arms.

 

“You sure? I’ll tell him that then.”

 

“I was only kidding don’t- he’s a sensitive prick so…” Ash rolled to his left and moaned. “God, why am I so bad at giving a shit about others…”

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Griffin said patiently. “You’ve learned to care even a teensy bit.”

 

“That’s because that asshole’s too complicated I can’t leave him alone,” he fired back, then teased, “Did you become fond of him? Prefer him more than your dutiful little brother?”

 

“I find both of you endearing.”

 

“That’s what parents usually say. Come on, I’m already 17, I know that schlock.” Ash attempted to avoid Griffin as he attempted to tickle his sides. “Stop that- Geez-“

 

Griffin laughed. “You’re at that age already, huh. God, you two are both so alike.”

 

“Fuck no,” Ash stuck his tongue out. “Sides, I think I’m going insane, I guess.” He looked at the red cord tied around his left hand. “Doesn’t feel like he’s real. Like he’s something I dreamt up. Maybe Shorter’s right, he’s a split-personality or something…”

 

Griffin listened. “Can I tell you something then?” he said in that soothing voice of his. Ash missed it. He really missed him and couldn’t suppress the smile on his face.

 

“Yeah, shoot,” he said. “Must’ve taken you ten years to think about those nuggets of wisdom too.”

 

“Nah, it only took about two minutes at best,” his brother chuckled. “In truth, Eiji wanted me to apologise to you in his behalf. For envying your natural talent, how good you were at everything, how he couldn’t compensate for that with his body...”

 

“Geez, that’s not even his fault-“

 

“He also said that he wants to apologize for making you deal with his problems,” Griffin frowned. “Feels like he’s burdening you too much.”

 

Ash scratched his head. “Jesus, weak-minded people piss me off. Can’t see anything else beyond their shortcomings.”

 

“And he thanks you, for still going through with it all the same.”

 

Ash raised his head at his brother. His eyes were still fixated at his, x-raying him intently. “He didn’t need to thank me. Didn’t have much of a choice-“

 

“And you still chose to help,” he said and continued before Ash could open his mouth. “Even if it was not too big of a deal on your end.”

 

Ash grew quiet, thinking of a remark but then put his hands up in defeat. “Two minute prep? Yeah, right. You thought this through.”

 

His brother grinned. “Of course, you have an awesome brother.”

 

Ash finally sat again. “To be fair, it takes strength to keep your ass on top of something. Did Eiji get some tips from you?”

 

“Why don’t you ask him?”

 

“He might take a long time to respond though. I mean, I can’t predict when we’ll switch-”

 

“Then why don’t you ask him for real? Meet him.”

 

Now that came out of left field. “Am I really hearing this right now? Am I even sure he’s real? Like all the shit I experienced in Japan is real?”

 

Griffin inhaled first. “Eiji… taught me some Japanese, actually. He told stories about the gods he grew up with. He talked about musubi. An old way to call the gods, which then transformed its meaning over the years. Bonding. Connection. Time. Memories. Like braided chords, twisting, tangling, unravelling, and then reconnecting. How that may explain what you two are experiencing. Joining threads, people, even time itself. A terrifying word, isn’t it?” He adjusted his wheelchair. “And yet tragic at the same time.”

 

“How is it tragic? Jesus, you’re speaking in riddles now.”

 

“Because it would end,” Griffin said. “He also fears the same thing. That he might believe that his experience with us was only a dream and he will soon wake up.”

 

* * *

 

It took awhile before Ash procured a boat to rent at Cape Cod big enough to fit him, his men, and his family just a day after Halloween. After a shouting match, his brother’s intercession, and some tears from his dad’s current live-in, they were all present during that day. Shorter and Sing insisted to come as well, along with Nadia and Charlie. This drew dirty looks from Cain and Sing, but let it slide when he brought cocktail shrimp. Team Chinatown also contributed the usual steamed meat buns, comet-shaped moon cakes, and assorted dumplings. Their dad’s girlfriend also made special buffalo wings and sweet multi-fruit tarts glazed so damn exquisitely it was too mouth-watering to eat (this didn’t stop Skip from taking the first bite though and stealing more before the rest of them could react).

 

In the end, it was Alex and Ash who manned their rental fishing boat as they steered a fair distance away from the shore to enjoy the clement lull of the open sea.

 

“There’s something we’ve been meaning to tell you, boss,” Alex said as they sat down near the deck after anchoring the boat. The engine hummed blissfully along. “We… actually we applied for jobs. Y’know the typical ones, garbage collection, fast food chains… I went to a security agency actually and yeah… thanks to you and Max and Charlie, most of us got in. The rest, well the rest are still looking, so they’re performing in the streets and are not doing that bad… they’re thinking of earning enough money to get loans and study… it’s difficult but not impossible.”

 

Ash could spot his brother having a moment with his dad and Jennifer, far away from the rowdy crowd below them. “So graduating the streets then?” He couldn’t stop his smile. Eiji really did it. He gave these guys a far better future than he ever could.

 

“Bones, Kong, Skip and I will be staying an extra week, but most of us will begin working in two days at least,” Alex scratched his head. “S-Sorry, the rest were too scared to approach you-“

 

“I don’t give a shit,” Ash said curtly. “Better late than ever, I guess.” He chuckled as his gaze shifted on his happy and well-fed sons-of-bitches. Words were not enough to express how proud he was.

 

“You have any plans after this?” he then said. The wind blew along with the falling sun.

 

“Yeah, actually,” Ash laughed. “Might go to Japan and stay there for three days at most. Need you leftovers and Shorter’s guys to hold the fort while I’m gone.”

 

“You were really into Japanese things for the past month, so no surprises there,” Alex laughed. “Planning of moving there after?”

 

“Just plans, nothing too concrete. I’m not too excited of the boring future that awaits. Looks like I have to retire being a street rat soon too,” he shrugged.

 

“You can do anything, boss,” Alex laughed. “As long as it makes you happy, you have the entire gang of downtown Manhattan supporting you.”

 

“Yeah, well-“ _I wish you’re here to hear this, you smarmy bastard._ “I’ll look on it ASAP since I’m sick of you lugs breathing down my neck.”

 

* * *

 

It was a periwinkle-pink sunset as Ash moved to Griffin’s side, away from the noise and his friends’ heckling. They have watched his performance on VHS earlier and we’re still discussing it like mad men. It was a good thing October 31st was over.

 

“Kataware-doki…” Griffin trailed off, eyes properly protected by Shorter’s sunglasses. He was having difficulty remaining awake for more than ten minutes. Again, an aftereffect of that goddamn drug. Better than being catatonic, Ash concluded. “An old term for twilight, where the world blurs and we encounter something not human, ethereal…”

 

He remembered what Eiji’s mother said back at Rosoku-jima. He could hear the roars of his friends in awe and jubilance as the sky began to glow. He could see the bright streaks upwards. The comet was approaching. The sun was now a faint yet petulant glimmer in the horizon.

 

“Eiji told me how _kataware_ can equate to fragment. _Doki_ to time. A fragment of time… day becoming night… life coming to a close…” A faint smile creased his lips. He slowly took off his sunglasses. The night was quick to come and yet the world was awash with shimmering light again. Tiamat was coming.

 

“Did Eiji talk like some ancient sage to you?” Ash smiled as both of them looked up at the most entrancing spectacle he had ever seen. He couldn’t help but open his mouth as he saw a comet, larger than even life itself, invade his entire field of vision as it made its way to cleanse the chaos of the stars. It reminded him of crystallised graphite, multiple diamonds that lit up like a rainbow in the night.

 

He felt an invisible force tug his chest. What would Eiji look like when he sees this otherworldly wonder cross his limited vision? He might laugh at Eiji’s face. His friends talked about how his eyes would crinkle and how big his mouth would be as Eiji was struck with awe. He wished Eiji could live in this side of the world to see this, that he wouldn’t have to be so far, so damn almost unreachable and someone he wouldn’t have met if not for this _musubi_ crossing their paths like some shit-faced matchmaker.

 

He felt Griff gently squeezing his wrist. “You know what I realised until after the stuff I witnessed today? _Musubi_ is still a damn flawed concept.” Ash pulled out a plastic chair and sat down to at least alleviate his stiff neck as he continued looking up. Griff rested his head on his shoulder. “ _Musubi_ may untangle and deconstruct these memories, the time we humans spent together, but it still can’t explain the feelings that stay long after we’ve forgotten everything. We may forget what the dream was about, but those feelings may linger. Maybe feelings don’t work like memories.” He then mumbled the rest as he let go of Ash’s arm.

 

He couldn’t hear Griffin properly because of the ruckus his friends were having as they tried in vain to photograph Tiamat. Its mid-atmosphere performance still wasn’t over. “Wait, what did you say, Griff? Shit, they’re getting jobs soon and still act like a bunch of wieners… Shit, holy shit, something is splitting off! That’s pretty rad! Hey, bro, did you see that?”

 

Ash looked at his sleeping brother, his head still resting on his right shoulder. “Sleep later, we’re never gonna see the likes of this in our lifetimes,” He shook him gently. “Yo, Griff?”

 

He shook him again.

 

“Griff?”

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might post a comprehensive itinerary on my tumblr as I update this. Will keep you posted.  
> BTW, this is not the last we're gonna see of Izumo >:)
> 
> Day 3  
> -[Susa Shrine](http://visitshimane.com/?p=1171)  
> -[Tachikuekyo ](https://www.japan.travel/en/spot/108/) [gorge/onsen](http://visitshimane.com/?p=8139)  
> -Lake Jinzai summer festival!  
> -[Shijimi clam soup for 'em hangovers](https://www.kankou-shimane.com/en/?p=6858)  
> (A chill day)
> 
> Day 4  
> [Matsue](https://shimaneparesources.wordpress.com/matsue/)  
> -Matsue Castle c/o Horikawa Sightseeing boats  
> -Yaegaki Shrine aka Mirror Pond shrine  
> -Lake Shinji  
> -Tamatsukuri Onsen  
> -Matsue Suigo-sai (aka the biggest festival in Matsue city)  
> *Yakumoan (for the Kamo nanban/duck noodles)  
> *Okahaya (for the kasane nidan/grilled eel)
> 
> Day 5  
> -  
> [Ichibata](https://www.japanvisitor.com/japan-temples-shrines/ichibata-yakushi) [Yakushi](http://ojisanjake.blogspot.com/2009/12/ichibata-yakushi-revisited.html) [Temple](http://bluepoint-travel.com/2018/08/ichibatayakushi/)  
> -[Saka shrine](http://www.izumo-kankou.gr.jp/english/4772)  
> -Momen Kaido/Cotton road  
> -Hinomisaki coast and lighthouse  
> -Daichanko Drinking District  
> *Rihaku sake
> 
> Day 6  
> -[Unnan](https://shimaneparesources.wordpress.com/unnan/) ([San’ouji town](http://www.kankou-shimane.com/en/?p=3851)) for [plum wine](https://www.justonecookbook.com/plum-wine/)  
> -Mineji Temple  
> -Fukatani onsen  
> -Daito Tanabata Festival  
> *Zenzai and tsukemono!
> 
> Day 7  
> -Eiji’s high school (San’nouji High LMAO)  
> -Izumo Shinwa  
> -Tamatsukuri onsen (again)  
> *Wakatakezushi (for Raisendan/seafood over rice)
> 
> P.S.  
> [List of summer festivals around Shimane](http://www.kankou-shimane.com/en/?p=7686)  
> Note: Izumo Shinwa usually happens during the latter part of July or August. Same with Tanabata which happens in mid-July/August but yes I need to exercise some freedom over here.  
> [Another 24 places to visit in Shimane](https://planetyze.com/en/japan/shimane/blog/top-24-things-to-do-and-places-to-go-in-shimane-according-to-tripadvisor)
> 
> P.P.S.  
> Kataware-doki had multiple interpretations/romanisations so I am sticking with a few interpretations here and will show the last next time (along with the references).  
> だんだん/dandan is 'Thank you' in Izumo-ben. Said to strangers rather than family members ^^  
> Plums for umeshu are actually best picked in late May/early June so just a heads up!
> 
> Final salutations: After reading this part of the fic, are you guys ready?


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plugging for the Banana Fish: Wishes zine! This zine is centred on happier canon times for all our poor bois. Also did a piece there that's more focused on the fun than the tears :"D They're open now for pre-orders! You can also check their [tumblr](https://bananafishzine-wishes.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/bananafishzines)!
> 
> Is this the reason why I posted a chapter despite the lack of time and the number of fics I want to finish before the end of November? Ngl losing interest bc croo-croo @ comments but yeah, give me a hoot guys please? Really gives you a boost to try finishing this fic at least :))

* * *

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* * *

 

 

Ash did not expect his dad to ask for an extra cigarette from him as they passed by the solemn headstones and their resting hosts. Jennifer had gone on ahead already to make dinner for their guests and gave them the luxury of sharing a possible last poignant exchange with Griff.

 

"Fuck off old geezer. This is my last stick." Not like Ash would give that asshole the chance though. He already blew a ton and he owed Griff a favour to at least be by his side in case his dad broke down.

 

"Still a little shit... No respect at all-" His dad said. "Come on, your brother told me you quit."

 

"He's not breathing down my neck ain't he? I can do whatever the hell I want," Ash said as he danced circles around his dad before lighting up the last Marlboro. Not like he earned any respect since he gave him that shitty advice. He should just fucking sue this fucker and end him properly. He blew smoke straight at his dad's face. "You were such a pathetic excuse for a father. Maybe that's why Griff even bothered." His older brother always liked thinking he knew better about what they wanted. Always setting himself on fire to keep idiots like him warm. It was  _kataware-doki_ all over again. The sky was a melting orange and lavender. The gravestone shadows loomed taller and taller. Really made Ash wish the supernatural was true and that Halloween wasn't over. 

 

"Even if I apologise, it won't change a damn thing," his dad rubbed his hands feverishly before blowing at them. Ash was used to the cold. Experienced it first hand out in the back alleys of New York's finest winters before that dirty old man picked him up. "Don't even know if I can change your mind."

 

"Still a pessimist, huh..." Ash then blew out a long puff. “Thank god I didn’t expect much out of you. Makes it easier to finally leave this shithole.”

 

His father looked out at the sky as it tiptoed between a soft orange and cerulean. “That was a splendid eulogy.”

 

He probably didn’t have much to say. Ash inhaled and blew several smoke circles as his eyes also adjusted towards the still horizon. Some gulls began to caw to break the silence. They did a better job than he.

 

Ash threw the remaining box of cigarettes at his father’s direction. His final gift perhaps. “You’re right for once. Bout time that I quit. We call it quits too.”

 

Shorter was waiting for him at the gates. Both of them entered the car without a word.

 

“So, one for the road?” he said as he nodded at the bottle of bourbon at the back.

 

Ash shook his head as he flicked his cigarette out the window. “Nah. Would want to be sober to take this all in.” He wouldn’t be coming back. He can mourn for his brother in other ways. He should probably build a shrine as Eiji had back at his flat.

 

"Max said he's willing to wait for you to say yes on his request."

 

"Fucker doesn't relent, does he?" He looked at his watch. "My flight to Haneda’s in five hours. Have you gotten the bag ready?”

 

“Alex took care of it. I think the entire gang’s waiting at the airport,” Shorter scratched his nose. “It’s gonna be one hell of a send-off.”

 

Ash grinned as his eyes lingered at the red cord tied around his hand for a moment. “Let’s go then. Reckon Nadia brought dim sum?”

* * *

 

  1. _Damn you, Ash. Decided to write in bullet points because as much as I want to top your last entry I can’t and I probably won’t be able to. So here goes._



  1. _There’s nothing that eventful that happened since I came back. Still recovering my legs and sense of balance for the past few months. Compared to your experience, I mean._



  1. _I should stop comparing. I mean, I’m doing well. I’m happy. Can’t thank you enough for that._



  1. _Actually, there’s a myth about Izumo you did not mention. Maybe my sister didn’t talk about it. Maybe she doesn’t know. Never got to ask._



  * _It goes like this: There was a god who thought Izumo looked narrow and tiny like a thin strip of cloth. He took his large plough, as wide as a young maiden’s breasts, and pulled land from Shiragi, the nearby Korean peninsula, as if cutting and dividing fish, saying “Kuniko, kuniko” as he did with his massive rope and stake. The land became Kizuki, the stake became a mountain, Mount Sanbe, the rope Sono-no-Nagahama. Inasa-no-Hama beach was a part of it._



  * _The deity wasn’t satisfied. Gods were rarely satisfied the first time. He takes lands from Oki, becoming Kurami, and then Koshi, the stake becoming Mount Daisen and the rope the island of Yomi. He drove his staff to the ground afterwards, saying “Oe” the land becoming sprawled with trees. Only a single tree remained today. The place was called Ou._ _If you saw the entire peninsula you would visualise what my ancestors saw and marvel at the imaginations and tales they weaved around my hometown._



  1. _There are also temples and shrines I would want to take you some time, especially during the fall. See the Kamiarizuki and the kagura dances in Izumo Taisha._



  1. _It will be the most beautiful thing you’ll ever see. It had been mine. Might change when I see you though. Hahaha_



  1. _I don’t know what came into me to tell you about Izumo’s myth. Maybe I just want to make my entry longer. Three months and I don’t know what to say. Not really as eloquent as you._



  1. _This might not come as a surprise but I contemplated jumping or cutting the dextrose tube during my stay in the hospital. Yeah. Kinda stupid. Thought not having the ability to fly again was the most tragic thing in the world._



  1. _Your brother taught me to not be afraid to crash. Wonder how he’s doing. How Shorter and Alex and Bones and Kong and Sing are doing. Want to ask them directly._



  1. _Guess that’s what keeps me going. The hotdogs filled with sauerkraut. The shimmering skyscrapers along the coastline on the ferry to Staten Island. Marble lions. Central Park. Red converse, plaid, blond hair glistening in the sun. Laughter. Names. Yours._



  1. _I’ve been training with Mizuno actually. He’s a good person. He introduced me to his girlfriend last week after my practice with their team. Just doing basic exercises. Only jumped once and nearly missed the pit again. He asked me what changed my mind. Told him about how it was like, having nothing to think about when you’re above the ground. He cut to the chase._



  1. _You’ve fallen for someone, he said._



  1. _Not really, I told him. I know how it hurts to fall._



  1. _He told me true love endures the hurt. I laughed and apologised afterwards. A cheesy way to put it. My sister said the same thing to me. Told me she likes the Eiji I was now. She’s doing good and making her way through the ranks. Has underlings under her belt now. You should see the Ducati in the garage._



  1. _When I was able to walk, she asked what I was going to do. I told her I wanted to try again. As many times as it will take._



  1. _Are you happy right now? Do you miss me? How was the comet?_



  1. _How is fall there? Is it as cold as here in Japan?_



  1. _I’m starting to forget your name. Please be real._



  1. _Shit, I don’t know what to say._



  1. _Are those really your last words?_



  1. _Please answer._
  2. _  
_



* * *

 

Eiji never got to finish writing 22.

 

“Olympic try-outs will be in two weeks. You should be more excited,” Mizuno said playfully.

 

“Uh… not too sure about that,” he blew his tongue as they walked. “Still haven’t really took off for real during practice.” He looked down. “I’m running out of time.”

 

His team mate took a while to respond. “You don’t have to hurry. I’ll be with you every step of the way so you can loosen up even a little bit.”

 

“Jeez, you’re so nice!” Eiji said before laughing. “How do you do it?”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Y-You’ve been focusing more on me than your training! It’s creeping me out…”

 

“I’ve already qualified so…”

 

 _Of course_ , Eiji laughed at this. “Don’t you find it weird at all? I still can’t get used to talking to you so casually.”

 

“It’s been almost three months! And you were the one who approached me first. What happened to the Okumura who came barging at our clubroom after school…”

 

“Well, I was high as the clouds then!” Eiji turned red. Ash was also late for switching at the time. He thought it was because he was taking too long with his recovery. “Uh, thanks. Gosh, I’m so sorry, but I’m still not used to this.”

 

Turned out, he and Mizuno also lived in the same neighbourhood. He’d often assist him home during his wheelchair days. He didn’t want to admit it, but letting someone in had its perks too.

 

Eiji’s blood ran cold five minutes before he arrived at their place and saw the black smoke building up in the horizon. _No effing way-_

“Okumura-“

 

 _It can’t be it can’t be it can’t be_ \- Eiji ran, mumbling those words as he skidded past the usual high schoolers and office workers returning home. The sun was a vivid orange-pink as he nearly skidded by the corner, covering his mouth at the sight.

 

His sister was already coordinating with the firemen, looking at the remnants of their apartment building. At the sight of Eiji, she excuses herself and wrapped her arms around him. “Thank god, you’re ok.”

 

“I-Is anyone dead?” Eiji asked as he sees Mizuno’s towering figure jogging up to their direction. He looked at the billowing smoke up to their apartment that was already blackened and pitiful looking.

 

“Nah, everyone was at work when it happened- Eiji?”

 

He was no longer listening, making his way past the security tape and attempting to run straight at the smouldering debris.

 

“Eiji! What are you doing?”

 

 _It’s safe. Ookuninushi wanted me to keep it safe-_ Eiji was wiping his eyes as he was pulled away by two firemen. He tried to squirm out of their grasp as his sister continued to embrace her.

 

“Tell me my journal is ok, please nee-san-“ he said, looking desperately at his sister who could not say anything else as she ran her hands up and down his back.

He cannot forget. _His name is Ash his name is Ash his name is Ash he likes hot dogs and guns and tripping people up_

* * *

 

He was going mad. He knew _he_ existed. He knew it as he held the red rope tied around his wrist. _He_ went to New York and wore ripped jeans and had a gun slung behind his back.

 

“It was a rival family that did us in, goddamn it!” his sister said as she walked around the corners of their suite in the Hyatt hotel. Eiji continued looking at the table, not bothering to acknowledge her only wearing a bathrobe as she did.  “Just they wait, I’ll hit them so hard I-“

 

“They really can’t find the journal, can they?” he said hollowly.

 

“Y-Yeah, most of our shit was burned to a crisp so-“

 

What was that person’s last entry again? What did he write that pushed him to keep going? To make his legs walk and run and jump one more fucking time?

 

He grabbed a notepad from the table and began to write.

 

“Shit, Eiji, this is all my fucking fault. I didn’t think-“

 

But he was no longer listening as he racked his brains to remember what that man said, damning the terms and purple prose he used because _he_ was too smart for his own good and _he_ deserved a smacking for making him use a dictionary as he read his words. How his letters flourished and grew within the ink.

 

But he couldn’t finish it. He looked at the words he probably misplaced glumly and then at his sister. He tried doodling that mystery man but forgot he couldn’t draw. Shit. Fucking hell why…

 

 _Really_ , he rubbed his eyes again. What took him so long to keep himself there wallowing when-

 

“Can I ask you a favour, sis?”

 

His sister was crying too. What was he doing again, letting her carry her shit by herself… Ash would be pissed if he was there. He embraced her.

 

“What? Want another one of that overpriced _sashimi_ again?” Right, he forgot he had been eating at the bar for five days straight now, always ordering the urchin and tuna.

 

“Something more… extra?” Eiji tittered. Shit, he needed as many overtime hours as he could. “A ticket to New York. Tomorrow, if that’s ok.”

 

* * *

 

Well, shit. He rubbed his eyes as he walked with his trolley past customs. He really was there. Holy fucking hell, he was really there.

 

“Quit looking like a fish out of water, you’re embarrassing me,” a tall Chinese man with straight, shoulder-length hair said in greeting, his bigger bodyguard just behind him, waving his placard above. It wasn’t hard to miss. Eiji’s name was in neon lights.

 

“Y-Your hair!” he exclaimed as he pointed at the younger man.

 

“Hmph. Wanted something for a change,” Yut Lung dismissed as he walked ahead. “Hope you polished your English while you’re here. I don’t have time dilly-dallying with you. I have multiple business meetings to attend so-“

 

“On the contrary, you cancelled all your appointments for the next three days,” Blanca reminded as he took Eiji’s luggage. “It’s nice seeing you again, Eiji. How’s your sister?”

 

“She’s moved on if that’s what you’re wondering…” Eiji said thoughtfully but jumped back when he saw Yut Lung’s expression. “W-What’s wrong?”

 

Blanca guffawed. “You look constipated, Your Highness. I suggest going to the nearest restroom-“

 

“Fuck you!” Yut Lung spat as he walked faster. “Hurry up, we don’t have much time on our hands.”

 

“His Highness couldn’t sleep the night before when Rin called, actually,” Blanca said. “He was asking his brothers what restaurants to take you in.”

 

“Shut your mouth, Blanca.” Yut Lung can still hear them from twenty feet away. Past the airport, a long black limousine was waiting for them. “Come. This will take us to the helicopter and then to Waldorf Astoria. If you’re going to my playground, best you travel in a style befitting a guest of the Lee family.”

 

“He’s just vain and wants to show off,” Blanca whispered. “Also, he misses you. Keeps mumbling your name in his sleep.”

 

“Blanca!”

 

* * *

 

Shorter’s sister took their orders when Eiji went to their familiar tea house, Yut Lung making a big show with bodyguards patrolling every outside corner of the restaurant, pissing off many customers. Blanca was also outside, ordered to buy souvenirs for Eiji’s family back home.

 

Eiji had forgotten to speak straight English though, so it was Yut Lung who did the talking for him. They ordered multiple vegetables, raising the Lee heir’s eyebrows as he peered at Eiji quite suspiciously.

 

“Weird… you were a hardcore carnivore last time…” He said nothing else as he sipped his noodles. “Three months was quite a long time, eh?”

 

He smiled at this. Yut Lung may have been with Ash, but he was some proof that _he_ was real at least.

 

“You said you wanted to meet the boss of Chinatown, right?” he then said loftily, folding his arms. “He’s a rowdy one, alright, but because you highly insisted-“

 

“Still as prissy as ever, your majesty,” someone said in a mocking high-pitched voice just behind Yut Lung, making him spit on his noodles and sending Eiji snorting on his tea. He blinked rapidly as he looked way up. This guy, though tall looked _shorter_? Was he making any sense? “Yo, who’s this?”

 

“He’s asking for your help. We haven’t been able to locate his friend, because he forgot his name. Blond. American. Green eyes. Very helpful, if I must say-“

 

“W-Wait, aren’t you supposed to be taller?” Eiji burst out, pointing at him feverishly.

 

The entire restaurant erupted and began to howl in laughter as the man rubbed his hair in annoyance.

 

“I only had a growth spurt last year, geez-“ he sighed. “So a blond, green-eyed American, huh? There are plenty in New York so it might take awhile…”

 

“H-He also runs gang like you S-Shorter-“

 

Everyone grew quiet. He could then hear a shattering of bowls and turned to the culprit, a trembling Nadia who opened her mouth before covering it and retreating in the kitchen.

 

The boss in Chinatown gave a small smile as everyone resumed eating. Yut Lung said nothing as he poured himself more tea. “Haven't heard that name for a long time, especially in this restaurant. Nadia can’t stop herself from tearing up if she hears even a passing mention.”

 

“I-I don’t understand-“ But Eiji could feel the hairs on his arms standing up as he looked at this man. Though bigger and burlier, that brash yet determined gaze was something he remembered so well, especially during their first meeting.

 

“So… A boss like Shorter, huh? That narrows things. Lemme guess, has a last name like a cat’s?” Sing Soo-Ling asked.

 

Eiji did not like his eyes that were growing softer and softer as the seconds ticked by. Dammit, it was like he was a grave robber opening a coffin in front of all the fucking mourners. “Y-Yes. I think so.”

 

Sing inhaled. “Yeah, I can think of someone. He was a fucking legend. Dunno where his men are now though. Been awhile.”

 

“Awhile?”

 

The much-older Sing then shuffled his hands in his pockets and leaned back at his chair. “Yeah, Shorter was the boss before me. Shot to pieces with Ash Lynx during an ambush. That was two years ago.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE SERIES:
> 
> I think the only thing I truly disliked when I finished Banana Fish was the idea it presented for people like Ash. Is the most tragic death really the only way for us readers to achieve catharsis? Was his abrupt demise worth the 19 volumes the manga was building towards, say, his chance for redemption? My lovely friend sent [this analysis](https://youtu.be/iwGGp2wtsms) that explained how Yoshida-sensei masterfully used the Salinger oneshot to parallel the manga ending. I guess you can say I appreciate what the creator was aiming for. However, with the current climate, I keep asking myself if such a senseless tragedy is worth idealising or romanticising. BF is such a personal story for me tbh and I can empathise with Eiji's Messianic complex that only led to him being haunted by his ghosts in the end, never truly moving on with his life and being better for it.
> 
> As someone who lost some friends to suicide until earlier this year, I couldn't simply accept that people should think there's nothing worth saving in them. I guess it still hurts to fall in love with this series with that kind of interpretation up in the air, but I'm a fucking masochist. And honestly, more than Ash, I want Eiji to be ok.


	10. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eiji reads Ash's final entry.

* * *

.

.

.

* * *

 

Eiji brought a camera during his trip to New York. He borrowed it from Ibe, who was as surprised as his sister was for suddenly booking a flight to JFK Airport.

 

“Would’ve wanted to rebook my flight to accompany you but I still have a shoot next week,” Ibe sighed after teaching him what lenses to use and the best angles to take during the actual shot.

 

“I’ll be fine. Thank you so much, Ibe-san. Yut Lung already agreed to show me around,” Eiji said. “You push this twisty thing right? To rewind the film?”

 

“Yeah. Check the shutter first. Wouldn’t want to overexpose your reel…” Ibe made sure to show Eiji the compartments and extra film he needed in case he wanted to take extra pictures. “What’s up? Kinda confused why you wanted to go to New York all of a sudden. Someone you have to meet?”

 

“H-How did you guess?”

 

Ibe laughed. “You didn’t even deny it. She’s that special, huh?” He closed the camera bag and handed it to him. “What a lucky chick.”

 

“Dunno about him being the lucky one,” Eiji smiled when he saw Ibe’s eyes widening at the correction. He owed him more than he ever could when he called his mother before his flight.

 

“I’ll be back in five days,” he told her before he entered the terminal.

 

“Take plenty of pictures and buy the statue of liberty!”

 

“I-I can’t do that!”

 

“Buy the model ones, ya silly boy!” his mom laughed. He hadn’t heard her laugh since his dad died. He promised he’ll get the shiny ones and some refrigerator magnets for the neighbors. “Be safe and enjoy yourself, ok?”

 

Eiji wiped his tears. This was that man’s doing. He will be seeing him soon. “I love you, ma.”

 

“I love you a thousand times, Ei-chan,” his mom said. “Take care. Give New York hell for us.”

\--

 

Sing really came into his own the past two years since Eiji saw him. He has learned to use hair gel for one. And sunglasses.

 

“What are you staring at?”

 

“Uh…” Eiji decided to recline back on his car seat, trying to avoid Sing’s gaze. Yut Lung was on the front with Blanca driving.

 

Instead of being oversensitive he also learned to brush aside other people’s quirks. “Just kidding. My mates aren’t used to my growth spurt. You don’t look 18 too, Yut Lung. Should stop frowning more so you won’t grow more wrinkles.”

 

“Shush. I’m concentrating.”

 

“Blanca told me that’s how you look like when you’re about to use the bathroom,” Sing grinned as he relaxed beside Eiji, also making himself comfortable as he squelched in his seat.

 

“You’re putting the wrong ideas in his head again, Blanca!”

 

“Isn’t that the reason why you want to hurry to the restaurant, Your Highness?”

 

“Uh…” Eiji turned to Sing as the two bickered. “How did you become friends with Yut Lung?”

 

“Should be the one asking you that since you came all the way from New York to visit!” Sing clapped his back. “When I became the boss, Chinatown was in shambles. Had to ask for his help rebuilding it from the ground up before he returned to Hong Kong. Don’t think I can do a better job than Shorter though.”

 

Eiji noted the sad smile in his features. “You became really chill.”

 

“Have to be, else I’ll go bonkers. Shorter was pretty chill too- Wait, how-?”

 

But Eiji was already pretending to fall asleep because he and his big mouth again. He held the camera bag tightly.

 

* * *

 

He wanted to ask Sing then, when they approached an empty lot where the abandoned warehouse where they held their talent competition, if he thought that Ash acted funny at times.

 

“There was a warehouse here, but this was where it happened,” he said. “Two years ago, an expose was published regarding businessman Dino Golzine’s restaurant and his high-profile clients. He was also linked with a brainwashing drug circulating around the US Military even during the Vietnam War but the charges for his paedophiliac ring was enough for him to go on a highly publicised trial. Ash Lynx was his most prized product and was asked by Max Glenreed to testify. He had a flight to Japan then, however, so he said to schedule his appearance when he returned.”

 

Eiji felt the hairs on his back standing on end. No way. _No fucking way._

“I… wasn’t with Shorter when it happened,” Sing put on his sunglasses. Now that Eiji noticed, they looked eerily similar to Chinatown’s former boss… “He was about to pick up Ash from the airport then. But Frederick Arthur got to him first. Dunno if it was Golzine or any of the senators at the time who feared their lack of leverage since Ash’s testimony would have provided a strong case against most of the people in the Senate and the US military, but yeah. It happened here. Used Shorter as bait and then had them sleep with the fishes.”

 

“W-Where were Ash’s men?”

 

“Ash insisted to go alone.”

 

“He an idiot then!”

 

“Tell that to his tombstone back in Queens,” Sing sighed. “Dino Golzine remains at large but he’s in Europe now. Arthur died in the crossfire too.” He rubbed his hair again.

 

“What’s your relation to Ash Lynx, anyway?” Yut Lung decided to creep from behind Eiji.

 

“Yeah, now that he mentioned it…” Sing rubbed his chin. “What took you so long?”’

 

* * *

 

Yut Lung was too spent (and lazy, according to Blanca), choosing to stay at the hotel while Eiji and Sing picked up Skip at the elementary school downtown.

 

“No way, you’re Sing?” Skip rubbed his eyes before starting to laugh. “You’ve gotten big man!”

 

“Likewise,” Sing said, finger gunning him. He laughed as he lifted Skip effortlessly.

 

“I’m effing Peter Pan!” the younger boy exclaimed as he raised his hands up. His mouth opened in puzzlement though when he caught sight of the smiling Eiji. “And you’re…?”

 

“My employer’s friend, Eiji Okumura,” Sing was quick to introduce him. “He’s from Japan and was looking for Ash.”

 

“You’re too late to the party friend,” Skip laughed as he gave him a high five. “So… must’ve met Ash there, huh?”

 

“In a way,” Eiji said before pausing. Like Sing, Skip grew several inches taller and was keen on becoming as tall as Cain one day.

 

“You rounding up the crew then?” Skip asked.

 

Sing shrugged. “Kong might be late because of his night shift. The rest who aren’t serving their sentences are down though. Heard Cain was bringing apple cobbler and roasted chicken. Haven’t seen you guys in awhile so it might be one hell of a night.”

 

“Will you invite Yut Lung?” Eiji said in a tentative voice.

 

“More as an act of courtesy. That brat hates noise,” Sing sighed. “Come on Skip. Already told your folks that I’ll bring you home before nine.”

 

“Darn it, still not used to getting curfews and playing with kids my age,” he said when they returned to the car. “The others must be feeling the same way, I guess,” he added.

 

“God, I envy you assholes,” Sing said as he drove and entered the winding traffic. “Still stuck with Chinatown. Would want to date a chick who doesn’t do hits for once.”

 

“Sucks to be you,” Skip blew his tongue. “Not complaining though. Ma and Pa are pretty nice. Just have to watch my mouth around them.”

 

“Ash would be proud.”

 

“Hell yeah he would. Probably treat me to some rum coke too.”

 

None of them spoke then as Sing stopped before the red light.

 

* * *

 

Hours later and Eiji was shaking the hands of the people he already met and pretending to meet them all over again. Cain was on parole at the moment, also in cahoots with Sing with running his own sports bar in Harlem. Bones was on waste management duty but was the cleanest of the people there. Alex was already promoted assistant manager in their security agency two weeks ago. Kong, who arrived late, worked as a cook back in a swanky hotel in New York and taking music classes in the morning. The rest, already a blur turned out alright too.

 

All of them learned how to wear collared shirts too after work and fucking slacks and black shoes, looking more respectable than the actual boss Sing.

 

“Praise the lord for creating liquor,” Cain said as they clinked their glasses and took shots on the vodka. “Ain’t hearing any zzz’s from y’all until there’s still chicken and cobbler on the table!”

 

Eiji also added stir fried vegetables and dumplings on the side with help from Team Chinatown. What surprised him, aside from a tipsy Yut Lung attempting to lasso Bones’ neck with his imaginary hair as Blanca toyed with his camera in the background, was Sing contemplatively munching on the dumplings and barely touching his own glass of Belvedere. “Something up, Sing?”

 

“Nothing much,” he said as he chewed on the dumplings again. “Just tastes what Ash would make. Must’ve taught you during his stay, huh?”

 

Some of the people drinking then craned their necks at their direction. Eiji thought that all of them would begin to cry and braced himself for his men’s wails. He found their deafening silence more startling then. Even Yut Lung and Blanca made their way to the backrow, just behind Sing.

 

“If it’s not too much a bother… can you tell us what happened to Boss there?” Alex said then, propping up a chair in front of Eiji. The latter felt a chill as the rest followed suit, and Eiji was the boss in Lower Manhattan again, the Magnum slung behind his back and red Converse covering his feet.

 

“We- we’re just curious, we mean…” Kong then said, twiddling his thumbs. “If you don’t want to talk about it, then-“

 

“Uhm-“ Eiji swallowed as he looked at their hopeful and battered expressions. All of them probably agreed to even come just to ask him that. Ash never got to tell them, after all that _idiot_ decided to fuck up and-

 

“Sorry, we just- uhm, well,” Bones wiped his face then. “We just hoped Boss enjoyed his time there, acted like a normal tourist like we are now. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t be here like this. We can’t thank him enough and we never will-“

 

“Don’t cry, dammit Bones!” Skip was the first to shove his tea towel to lessen the emotional damage. “This is why I hate reunions. I already have enough drama from my playmates at school!”

 

“You’re crying too, Skip!”

 

“Shut up Alex!”

 

“Don’t act like little babies and let Eiji speak, geez,” Sing said as Yut Lung grabbed a pair of ear plugs from Blanca. As usual, he prepared himself for this storm while Eiji hadn’t. Gosh, how was he supposed to tell them that he only became Ash and vice versa? That was the reason he even went to New York; to prove that he exists and he knows Eiji too. He no longer had his journal to prove it and yet _musubi_ fucking _musubi…_

“He was happy,” Eiji said quietly. “He went to my hometown and wanted you to taste the food.”

 

You’re funny, Mizuno. How was he able to fall for a person he never even met?

 

Eiji thought that was it, but he could hear his mouth moving. “He met my sister and did fine gun slinging. He made me forgive my family and myself. He was a good person. Ash was proud of you all. He always will be.” His throat ran dry as his eyes glistened. He quickly stood up and excused himself to the bathroom, unable to contain himself anymore.

 

* * *

 

It was Yut Lung who knocked on his room as night became day, a clear jug of wine on one hand and a blue notebook on the other.

 

“Consider this a belated birthday gift,” Yut Lung said as he took two champagne glasses from Eiji’s untouched tray and poured the contents. “Some _umeshu_ from your dear grandmother. Haven’t touched this batch yet. And… Skip wanted to give this to you.” Eiji’s arms began to shake as they grabbed hold of the familiar sky-blue journal. He looked at Yut Lung who wore a small, hopeful smile. “This was Ash Lynx’s. He figured Ash was waiting for you too.”

 

A chill went down Eiji’s spine as he noticed the red chord bookmark wasn’t there. He looked at his left arm. He began flipping the pages and saw his familiar shaky handwriting against the English letters. He nearly felt his heart stopping as he saw the last entry, which was cleaner, more confident and full of that damn verbosity he knew and had migraines over and over. Everything clicked then. This was it. Ash knew. Or maybe he predicted that cruel fate was willing to fuck them over and force him to forget.

 

He then looked at the jar. Saw the plums and the punctured holes on each fruit and the katakana character on each. _No way._

アシ. He made fun of it the first time. There was absolutely no way.

 

“Your Japanese sucks-“ he then said more to the glass jar as he rubbed his reddening eyes. He then threw his arms around Yut Lung, who was too shocked to even protest. “Can I have one final request and have you take me somewhere?” he then asked him. “Somewhere I can see the sun coming round again.”

 

* * *

 

 

He thanked a stunned Yut Lung as he ran up past Shorter’s and Sing’s old headquarters and towards the rooftop, where the stunning view of frolicking clouds amidst a watercolour-rendered sky greeted him. He raised the glass of _umeshu_ he did not want to spill. If sharing ties, bonds, fates, was fucking _musubi_ , then maybe, just maybe, he can try finding a loophole there somewhere. Maybe he’ll pull it off.

 

He remembered Ash’s last words to him as he sipped the entire glass and waited for dawn to break.

 

* * *

 

_Strange, how during this brief visit I’ve begun the process of unlearning and relearning a person, something I never held in any regard before._

_Maybe it’s because I know how short and pathetic my life is and how all seemed to be for naught. Life in Manhattan jades you. Drains the paroxysm of colour and leaves just the chiaroscuro. I taught myself that the only reason I needed to wake up in the morning was to live. Strange how something inexplicable changes you. Your world made me see a kaleidoscopic place full of possibilities, chances of normalcy. I wake up without fearing someone is dead under my watch. I wake up to hot meals, make jibes at adults without fear of assault, feel the warmth and tenderness of a mother’s arms-_

_I see my old self now as no more than a husk, weary of realities and tragedies, thirsty for dreams and imaginings, of simple joys, of sleep. And yet there’s a tiny sadness murmuring discreetly in the depths of my chest, telling me that this is only a product of yearning, that I am merely stringing up worlds under the gentle lulls of slumber. A coping mechanism to this big, cold world that I may never escape from._

_Yet I still hold onto it. To you, fighting off this desolateness invading me. Keep existing for me, until I finally touch your rough hands through mine. The sunrise today is beautiful. The landscape on this train ride home seems endless. So are you, Eiji._

_-A_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: Ash's actual katakana is アッシュ but had to change it to A-Shi (as in the one in the fic) because SPOILERS HAHAHAHAHA


	11. XI

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They meet?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To balrock, whoever you are, thank you. Really, out of 9 years writing BS, that was the first comment I received that made me feel it was really worth writing something a little out of the usual. Someone liked how I saw something, and that's one of the best things ever.
> 
> Please contact me when you can/you have bad thoughts that don't go away. My twitter is always open :D

Eiji’s heart paused beating for a moment when he woke up to the musty scent of dilapidated furniture and sunlight from his right shimmering dust over his surroundings. He rubbed sleep from his eyes and found them tearing up anyway when he saw his ivory hands, then his lanky legs.

 

The mirror in the also grimy bathroom confirmed he was indeed Ash again. He uttered a quick grateful prayer as he grabbed Ash’s denim jacket and made his way to open the door, only to be possessed by light and feel his eyes squinting at the sun and the cloudless sky and the endless verdant tall grass swaying to and fro against the rushing wind. The ocean was a wetter version of the sky just behind him. Where was he…?

 

He rubbed his eyelids once more as he began to walk out of the house and tried to process the trees and nature and sparrows and gulls cawing amidst the breeze. This place definitely was not New York. He continued to trudge past the tall grasses and fought against the light. At least he can tell that it late morning and the ocean looked like a shimmering bed of opals and topaz and lapis lazuli. It had been awhile since he had seen the sea.

 

What exactly was Ash doing here? Better yet, he wanted to know if this wasn’t something his brain cooked up. He pinched himself just to make sure and was happy to feel the pain.

 

“Oi, we’re going.”

 

“Uwah-“ Eiji was too taken aback by the sudden appearance of a burly-looking stranger with greying hair and a bushier beard to remember that he was Ash Lynx again. He managed to cough back his apprehensions though, making the man lower an eyebrow from suspicion. “Where are we going again…?” Shit, how was he supposed to address this person again? Gramps? Asshole? Motherfucker? He wracked Ash’s brain for potential honorifics that Shorter taught him. “Uhm, you weak ass bitch?”

 

“Makes sense that you’d call your deadbeat dad that-“ Eiji internally screamed when he realised his mistake and tried to stop himself from being a bumbling mess and reducing Ash’s character further. “Hurry up. Jen wanted you to have breakfast before visiting your brother.”

 

“Eh?” Was Griffin in the hospital again? Or in a rehabilitation of sorts? Now being here in this picturesque hamlet was starting to make sense.

 

“We still have to go to the florist’s first so get a move on. You still have a plane to catch, remember? Where are your bags?”

 

“Wait… huh?”

 

“Jesus Christ, Aslan, don’t tell me you forgot-“

 

He did not understand. These revelations were pushing him back in quick succession that he could barely breathe out and process everything. Why was this the day given to him when he drank that umeshu?

 

“Get your bags and hurry up before it gets too hot. There’s barely any shade in Griffin’s spot so-“

 

“Cemetery?” Eiji wanted to make sure because it finally hit him where they were. Ash mentioned this place with resentment. He wished he was wrong. Sing never mentioned this. None of Ash’s men mentioned this.

 

“Yeah, Griffin’s near the middle, about two rows north. Let’s go. Don’t want your stepmom to worry, right?”

 

He wanted to scream to the damn gods then. If he was given the chance to save Ash, why couldn’t he save Griffin too?

 

* * *

 

 

It was the first time Ash literally flew at another point of the globe. Quite an experience feeling his ears pop out as they ascended and see their plane soaring higher than the thick bed of clouds. He could see the sun rising without those in the way. There was a special warmth in there he did not feel even in the highest cityscapes in Manhattan.

 

He wanted to ask Eiji if he had also flown for real before too. How the first time was like for him. Did he also fly when the day was just about to show itself? Or was it during the moonrise, and the stars didn’t seem as far as he imagined? Eiji must correct him then. The stars are still thousands and millions of lightyears away.

 

They’re like a million splendid suns then, Ash would say. Would want to visit one someday. Maybe he’d call Shorter when Eiji wants to come along. He’ll make a way, god bless his Asian heart.

 

There were plenty of things running in his mind, aside from the thought of their plane crashing and cutting short his trip. Aside from the trial, he wondered how he’d decide his life would be when he meets Eiji. There would be the language and cultural barrier they have to overcome, and the possibility that he wouldn’t see his friends back in New York and start from the ground up. The citizenship process was also pretty muddled, and he had no idea how he’d hit it off with that son of a gun. He also left his journal with Skip, in case the worst-case scenario happens, and their paths wouldn’t cross.

 

He preferred overthinking than not having a clear battle plan, that’s for sure.

 

* * *

 

 

There is a certain monotony to Tokyo. You see the same race, the same dress codes of suits and ties and the stifling corpocracy surrounding them. There is a sense of dreariness even when Ash crossed the Shibuya crossing. It really felt awkward being the only blond amidst that ebony and grey ocean, with no English word or Spanish or Italian or Dutch in passing. An occasional Mandarin, maybe. He wasn’t aware of it before- of course, he wasn’t- but he never felt like an outsider than he was then. The Japanese had enough discipline engraved into their very bones to not point and whisper though, but he could see from their eyes that there was a tall and intimidating wall that he had to climb. Plus his crash course in Japanese did not extend to reading the kana in stations. He had to resort to pointing at his map and praying that the locals wouldn’t lead him to anywhere sketchy now that he had no access to his gun.

 

Whose idea was it to go without a guide here again?

 

He broke into a quick smile as he took out his polaroid and began to snap photos of the city sky when he walked along the busy Shibuya crossing. He never really had the time to do basic Japanese classes, spending his time to prepare for their comet viewing and the funeral that followed instead. Dr Meredith was beside himself and wanted to put a gun in his mouth, but Ash waived him off. He was tired of blaming anyone. The synthesized antidote wasn’t just strong enough to halt the 10 years of Banana Fish that poisoned his brother’s mind to the point of no return. It was even a miracle that he lived that long.

 

_Really didn’t lose hope that we'd be able to talk to each other again, huh?_

 

He looked at the photos he took after a day of fruitless searching in one of those capsule hotels. He should reserve his polaroids for the time he sees Eiji again. Wondered how the rest will react, Shorter especially, when he shows them Eiji beaming in excitement. He’ll tell them how fucking awesome the food was and how he was so close in giving up until he saw Eiji’s ass as he ran to the train station. There would be a quick spark of recognition, his face lighting up as Ash raised an arm shyly in greeting. _How extravagant,_ he’d probably say. Y _ou really know how to give surprises_. Ash would roll his eyes but would discreetly lap up the compliment. _Don’t have anything else to do since all of my men are leaving because of you. Take responsibility, onii-chan._

 

He did not know how many more plans and possibilities he strung up before he fell asleep, the photographs still sprawled around his small bed. He was still optimistic that morning, until his heart sank when he finally approached their apartment nested in the quiet suburbs just a fifteen-minute walk away from the train station.

 

There was no fucking apartment. Just a children’s park in front of him.

 

* * *

 

 

Eiji was looking at the gravestone in front of him, still lost for words. He felt a sense of dèjá vu as he and Ash’s dad sat side-by-side in silence. Felt similar to the time he buried his dad and how his life would never be the same since. Those desolate feelings of helplessness at the inevitability of his father dying. He was last in Nationals then. Then there were the never-ending murmurs and that unbearable weight began to accumulate the longer he stayed in his home town. He inhaled back his tears.

 

“Nothing to say to him before you leave?” his dad grunted, bringing him back to earth.

 

Eiji shook his head, throat too dry and weak to respond properly.

 

“Yeah, well I do,” his dad said in that husky voice, a little louder this time. He cleared his throat. “Continue watching over your little brother like I never could. Thank you, even now that you’re out there, somewhere. I’m not good at oration and all that so… I hope you understand.”

 

Jennifer did not have a son with Jim. It was then, as he enveloped him into the biggest and warmest hug he had ever received, that Eiji understood.

 

“You’re a good boy,” he muttered before patting his head and adjusting his baseball cap to hide his eyes. “Your mom doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

 

Eiji was still crying when he sees the car parked outside the cemetery. He stole one more look as Ash’s mess of a father stood in front of the cemetery as if rooted at the spot until he couldn’t see him anymore when they rounded the bend and made their way back.

 

“So… you’re here, huh?” Shorter said. “Almost thought you weren’t coming back and-“ he gasped and nearly swerved to the incoming truck as Eiji nearly wrung his neck for embracing him so damn tightly.

 

“You’re here, Shorter! You’re here, you’re here!” The waterworks were not keen on stopping even as Shorter attempted to hold as much face as his right hand could carry when he pushed him away.

 

“Course I am! Public transport around these parts is shitty,” he huffed as he adjusted the clutch. “Did you really miss me that much? This complicates things though. Ash is supposed to meet you in a day’s time-“

 

“What?”

 

“He’s planning on surprising you!” said Shorter.

 

Every drop of unbridled joy in his body slowly vanished as he narrated Ash’s choice of coming to Japan almost two weeks after that ill-fated comet-viewing in Cape Cod.

 

“Never thought he’d survive ten days here with his dad. He hated that old geezer to death,” he chuckled. “He’d get so pissed if he finds out you’re chummy with old fucking Jim-”

 

“No,” Eiji kept shaking his head as he opened his mouth in horror. “He won’t be able to see me. I’m still not in Tokyo this time. You should cancel the flight- Please, I only switched back because Ash is no longer with me. You too. If we don’t come and escape New York, Ash and you will die.”

 

He thought Shorter would think he was bonkers for being incoherent, dismissing it as a symptom of shrooms and sorts since he took a while to say anything.

 

“That’s old hat, Eiji. Being a gang boss shortens your lifespan by forty years if you’re lucky. Can’t leave my boys. Sing’s going to this swanky school because you kept insisting that he studies so he wouldn’t be making poor decisions with his hair like yours truly. Plus after everything Ash had been through now, I think he deserves to take a break somewhere. Meet you if he’s lucky.”

 

“N-No,” Eiji continued insisting. “I’m in New York right now- I mean Ash is- so he can’t, uh-“

 

“Seriously, Eiji? You could’ve said that sooner. Let’s go meet you then!”

 

“T-That’s not what I meant! Don’t drive too fast! Shorter!”

 

* * *

 

 

He felt himself breathing heavily as he looked at his marker-rendered map. No way was he wrong. He asked the kind old ladies and the train attendant thrice this time. He caught another train to go to Eiji’s university. Still no palm top in sight, making him waste another day during his stake-out.

 

He managed to call Shorter that time, hoodwinking someone in the US embassy to use the phone (to call his mother or something, heh). No answer, that fucker.

 

Ash had asked himself this question but dares not to tread on it further: Was he in Japan to prove once and for all that Eiji was real? There were other undercurrents that bubbled underneath his panicked surface as he tried in vain to use hand gestures and little Japanese he had to navigate the streets and tracks around the Tokyo subway. His confidence on his memory wavered and his anxiety for leaving his journal with Skip kept building up as he kept himself from glaring too much at the salarymen and students who kept stealing glances at him on the train.

 

Shit. He only had two days left. He stared at the amount of money in his dog-eared wallet too. His yen was almost fucking gone. He should’ve converted more of his dollars, but of course, he forgot where he can ask. Tokyo was more or less as expensive as New York goddammit. He continued his quick strides, ignoring the usual apprehensive glances from those who were already leaving for work. The sun had left half an hour ago. He felt tears stinging his eyes. He hastily wiped them. What the fucking hell- if his men see him like this-

 

He jumped on the next stop and continued walking, feeling the cold biting at his face as he covered his hands deep in his hoodie. Goddammit. He spent another aimless day just going around Tokyo, what the actual fu-

 

“Sir!”

 

He had to crane his ear again because that sounded like English. Accented English, but still English.

 

“I’m talking to you, fuck!” he felt something heavy slap his cheek as his feet left the train. He was prepared to punch the fucker as he wheeled around but found himself open his mouth once he sees Rin wearing her familiar rose-gold coloured big-eye glasses, her hair even shorter than his. “Let’s drink and be merry! Come on, let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

 

Eiji’s sister was still that bundle of energy when she dragged him to one of her favourite bars in Kabuki-cho, speaking in rapid Japanese that Ash was too slow to keep up and just raised his hands and went along for the ride. Even there, a lot of the Japanese salarymen that Rin was also a part of kept looking at his direction even after he downed a glass.

 

“You invited me here because I stand out?” He asked her half-mockingly.

 

“No! Because you look sad. You are of age, yeah?” she grinned from ear to ear. “Plus you look like movie star! Hollywood!” she then began narrating all the movies she had watched about gangsters and those manga that Eiji kept in his room in Izumo about famous outlaws in New York.

 

“Hollywood’s in California. Movies are only made there, but the real thing happens on the other side of America,” Ash corrected, raising his glass full of pure vodka before drinking them in one go.

 

“You of age so we can drink? My name is Rin. Okumura Rin,” she then whipped out her business card and handed it to him. “I drink because my ex broke up my heart and I want to forget him, even just tonight.”

 

She even forgot to ask if he can drink legally, geez. “I’m Ash, Ash Lynx.” He then took her business card and hugged her firmly.

 

“N-No, I’m not looking for affection from hot American, no!” Rin tried pushing him away in vain.

 

“Where’s Eiji?” he then asked, no longer beating around the bush. “Where did you move to?”

 

“Eiji… H-How-“ Rin then began speaking in garbled Japanese as the alcohol kicked in.

 

“My Japanese ain’t good, goddammit-“

 

“I… How did you know about me… and him?” she was suspicious as heck now.

 

“He’s with you right? I only have two days left max to see him so please, tell me where he is…” Shit, the last thing he needed was to look this desperate as he grabbed Rin’s shoulders and began to shake her.

 

“…He’s in Izumo. Are you sure? They don’t speak English well. They may not understand you. Izumo-ben also a little different from here-“

 

Ash didn’t bother to ask further. Looks like he had to get money by other means to get on the damn train. He looked at his watch. Only half an hour left till the overnight train leaves- “Ok, you’re treating me here, yes? I have no money left. I have to go see Eiji-“

 

“Why are you so- Whatever, if a hot American comes to look for me like movies, I say yes!” she then said as she unleashed her wad of bills and paid for their take. That explains her confidence. Must be salary day. “Let’s go then! No time to waste!”

 

* * *

 

“We’re going to Arthur first!” Eiji insisted as he tried grabbing the wheel from Shorter. “We’ll talk to him and make him stop so Ash can go-“

 

“The hell are you talking about?” Shorter panted as he attempted to securely tie Eiji’s hands together. “That fucker would be more than happy to shoot us dead on sight! We have to regroup. You at least have to go to the airport and pretend that things are going smoothly and then bam! We’ll exterminate that rat once and for all!”

 

“Why does he hate Ash so much? I don’t understand-“

 

“Arthur’s a jealous little shit. He even blamed me for murders I didn’t commit years ago,” Shorter said. “He’ll do anything for power. He’s beyond reason-“

 

“No!” Eiji interjected. “Maybe we have to listen to him- Always fighting, no time to-“

 

Shorter swore so loudly it made Eiji clam up. “If you weren’t Ash right now, you would be dead…” he said. It was a good thing he was wearing glasses because he was sure that Shorter was the most livid he had ever seen him. “Still naïve as ever… That shit doesn’t work here, especially for the likes of Arthur. Alex and the rest are easy to bend because they’re Ash’s men and friends, Eiji.” He inhaled. “I just don’t want you to do anything stupid if what you said is true. Let’s just go meet you. Where were you again?”

 

It took a while for Eiji to say anything else as they drove.

 

“Don’t hold it against me but doing that kind of shit never flies in real life, Eiji. Maybe Ash can go to Japan with you and stay there, then he won’t have to worry about this kind of shit again. You’ll make him happier. We’ll try to visit from time to time and-“

 

“…Can Ash and I really hit it off?” Eiji then started to laugh. “He never really told me what he had been through. Meeting his dad and his stepmom… At a young age he already- gosh, and with Griff no longer here... I really know nothing about him. I’m scared. We might fight. I don’t want to say bad things and hurt him because I’m angry.” He could rewind the times he did the same thing back at home. He never really considered his mom’s well-being then. God, wish he knew better then. Maybe he wouldn’t have to depend on Ash if he had.

 

“Fighting’s common. You just don’t have been too chicken to accept the consequences afterwards. Work it out with him. If you didn’t come to his life, then who knows what he would’ve done now that Griff’s gone,” Shorter breathed heavily. Eiji remembered Ash’s entry and sank in his seat.

 

“I’m not that special,” he shook his head and squeezed the red chord in his wrist. “Just… thinking of seeing Ash makes me so terrified. He keeps praising me so much in all his entries. He’d probably be disappointed if he sees me for real. I haven’t really thought of what I’m gonna say and just drank that plum wine- He’ll probably make fun of me, fuck-“

 

“Why did you try coming back here then, despite the possibility of not seeing us? Why do you believe in something, despite everything?” Shorter said, keeping his eyes on the road.

 

“I…” Eiji looked on haplessly before laughing to hide his tears.

 

“It’s a promise, ok? I need your answer after you see Ash,” he beamed. “We’re counting on you, Eiji.”

 

“I can’t- I don’t work best under pressure dammit!”

 

“Really? Well look at the time, we only have 90 minutes left!”

 

“Shorter!”

 

\--

Shorter parked his car near one of the usual dilapidated rickety-looking buildings a block away from Chang Dai. "Go knock him dead, Eiji."

 

"Don't die, Shorter. Not yet at least," he laughed as Shorter threw him into a headlock, seatbelts and aching bellies be damned. "Oh," he laughed as he then pointed at the bracelet tied around Eiji's wrist. "One more reason for you to actually try seeing him then." 

 

"Stop making me cry!" he protested as the dam breaks yet again. 

 

"Hey, at least that means his trip to Japan was a success then," Shorter laughed. "Will wait over here, alright?"

 

"This will be the last time I owe you!" Eiji saluted before breaking into a run up the rickety stairs, ignoring the goddamn squeaks and the shock of Shorter's men that were busy with their gambling sessions in some rooms. 

 

There is another story he wanted to tell Ash that time. He heard it in Izumo. He just remembered. It was about the chord tied around his arm. Apparently, it was a bracelet from the giver's  brother before he went to fight a war he wasn't truly a part of. There was a promise held within those braided chords. The giver will reunite with the person someday. That was what the giver's brother said at least. 

 

There was no ending. Not yet at least. The storyteller gave him the honors to tell the last words.

 

So Eiji planned to end it with this: They meet.

 

He opened the door. The sky was a shimmering pink this time. No one was there on the roof.

 

"Ash!" he screamed, because goddammit, he knew his name and the last thing he needed was to forget him all over again. "Ash! Quit hiding and show your pretty mug. It deserves to be seen by the likes of me."

 

He was shaking as he kept saying his name. Despite praying for whoever god was available to hear his call, his chest hurts at the thought of someone answering back. "I'm here Ash! I'm finally here to return this!" He could hear some crows cawing and the flapping of wings as he continued to screech, praying that most of their neighbours weren't home yet.

 

Wait. What was he supposed to say? He felt his chest concaving again the more he walked, searching the roof, past some strewn crates and broken glass for traces of ebony glinting against the dying sun. “I-“

 

There it was again. Despite praying to whoever god to answer his call and grant his wish, there was that sense of relief to not be heard and forget. It was less painful to sever whatever inkling he had of this damned city and Shorter and the rest.

 

But there was also a reason why he went here to New York. Why he grieved over the brother of a man he never met. Why he never threw away that already dirty braided cords tightly wound around his wrist. He bit his lip and began to shout again.

 

“Ash! It’s Edgy!”

 

“I can hear you dammit!” someone spoke back.

 

“Wait, you can hear me?” Eiji blinked back tears. “Ash?”

 

“No shit,” he heard his familiar voice reply irritably. “I’m in the other building. Now hurry up or the neighbors will call the cops!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS KIMI NO NA WA [ORCHESTRAL ARRANGEMENT](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5j0FfGcTx0) DESTROYED ME AND KEPT ME GOING DESPITE EP 18. 
> 
> It's really weird to have this much support for this fic. Like really, thank you for keeping up.


	12. XII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the wait.
> 
> Warning for the next two chapters: Implicit mentions of depression, PTSD, and suicide

 In dreams, his brother was there.

 

There was the comet, streaking across the dark sky in full iridescent glory. Ash’s left hand covered his eyes by instinct.

 

“It’s alright,” he heard that familiar voice say. “It’s not a solar eclipse.”

 

He should listen, even if it made his chest fucking hurt in all his dreams of Griff. “Ain’t as exciting as the real one.”

 

This Griffin snickered and leaned back his head, the smile on his face so damn reminiscent of those nights when he was five and there was no Saigon. “True. Would be nice if you can relive it again, no?”

 

 _No,_ he wanted to say but instead, he watched Tiamat, biding its time. Ash bit his lip before exhaling. “We can’t have everything. Life doesn’t work out that way.” He held back a chuckle. “You should try getting used to it, like this little shit.”

 

His brother took a while to answer. The sea breeze howled to fill the silence. “The night’s too short, Aslan.”

 

“You’re being overdramatic again,” Ash punched phantom Griffin’s shoulder playfully. In return, Griffin gently squeezed his wrist. “Keep going. Would want to hear you say those words again.”

 

“What words?”

 

“About _musubi_. The real you kicked the bucket before he could repeat the rest.”

 

Griffin only kept holding his hand. “I wanted more time, you know.”

 

This night was the same as the rest. Griff would let go.

* * *

 

Ash rubbed his damp cheeks when he woke up, just in time to see Rin removing her pantyhose under the wary eyes of their fellow passengers. She asked him if he was alright along with a bottle of water.

 

“How long was I asleep?”

 

“Four hours, yeah?” Rin glanced at her white gold Casio. “You sure do moan a lot… sex must be good-“

 

“You are out of your noggin’-“ Ash was not sure what he will do with this current Rin.

 

“Good thing we managed to squeeze in,” sighed Rin as she rolled beside Ash on the floor space of the bullet train en route to Izumo. She handed him a small packet of almonds and cashew to munch on. “I forgot it’s the first day of the _Kamiarizuki_ tomorrow! The festival of the gods! Let’s go to the beach first thing in the morning-”

 

“Hold your horses _nee-san!_ First, we’re going to see Eiji-“

 

“You hold my horses! He’ll definitely be waiting for us at the beach. Do not worry!”

 

“I only have until tomorrow evening to see him,” Ash grunted before chomping the last of the almonds to quiet his grumbling stomach. He’d try asking Shorter to book him another flight when they reach Izumo. “We don’t have much time.”

 

Rin waved this off by giving him another pack of nuts. “You’re too uppity! Should try getting more sleep! It’s going to be busy once we get there. We have to try looking for a place to stay, then look for your crush-“

 

“He’s not my crush-“

 

“Relax, Izumo’s nothing like Tokyo. You’ll definitely find him!” she said, attempting to wrestle him, to his annoyance. “And you say you’re the same age, right?”

 

Ash looked on blankly at his packet of mixed nuts. The short-haired _nee-san_ he was with now is not the Rin he was used to. He can’t put a finger to it, but the thought of going to Izumo to meet an Eiji who might wear the same befuddled expression like Rin’s made his chest heavy. He could neither reminisce nor make too much a fool of himself else she’d have him arrested.

 

“After Izumo, what will you do after?”

 

The Okumuras do have a knack for striking right where it hurts. “Do you always ask strangers you’d end up going on a spontaneous road trip that?”

 

“That’s the oldest question in the book!”

 

“Hmm… you could have asked how a _gaijin_ like me would have known about your brother and recognize you right away…”

 

“You’d end up lying anyway. Don’t want to waste our breaths spouting BS, don’t we?”

 

Ash chuckled. “You’re as idiosyncratic as I remember.”

 

“What?”

 

He shook his said. “Nothing. You said we shouldn’t waste our breath spouting BS.”

 

She guffawed at this. “I had a dream about you.”

 

“Gross.”

 

“Fuck you pervert! Not scandalous!” she said before releasing a tour de force of Japanese invectives that made the other passengers scuttle away. “…it’s like we’ve been on this trip before. Was it you though? I think it’s Eiji? Head hurts…”

 

Ash drank his water. He got a headache listening to her too, but he can feel his hairs rising.

 

 

\--

 

It disturbed Ash how he could not think about Eiji that much at all as he waits near the vending machine for Rin to finish. He called earlier and had to ask for extra money for an overseas call to no avail. Shorter was not answering. He’ll try again tonight.

 

“Your mom furious?” Ash raised an eyebrow and looked at a bleary-eyed Rin. Her glasses were askew. She hand-combs her head.

 

“A little,” she gestures but then waves it off. “It’s no problem. I’ll send her some of salary to shut her up.”

 

Oh, so her mother was still alive here. “That doesn’t sound very daughterly.”

 

“Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree. That from movies, yes?” She put on a wistful smile. “You know I share only half blood with Eiji, _ne_?”

 

Ash nodded. Maybe he even knew far more than Rin could.

 

“Mother has no intention to come to Shimane because of that,” she said. “Whatever, I’m here now. Not like I have to resent her forever for it. Trying to understand where she come from.”

 

“How did you find out about Eiji?”

 

“If dad no go to parent participation days anymore you want to know why. Not really big deal-“

 

“It is a big deal,” Ash said.

 

“But nothing I can do about it-“

 

“Maybe there is.” It was his turn to hold Rin’s hand. They begin to walk until Rin pulled hers away. “Maybe we can go visit him too. To heal old wounds.”

 

She tittered at this. “You think it is that easy? After everything?”

 

Ash laughed. Of course, of course. He was letting his friends’ edification of Eiji get into his head. When was reconciliation easy? Jim’s grim face clouded his memories, and all the other supposedly father figures who attempted to correct whatever shit they think needed correction. Had he ever tried when he developed a moral compass and a backbone to uphold it, even a little bit? _Pot calling the kettle black, huh._ He really should listen to himself.

 

“Better not to stir any more drama. Too much at home,” she said. “Let’s go to bus.” She looked at the hazy blue sky. “And then to Inasa-no-hama.” She shuddered a little.

 

Ash quickly covered her neck and mouth with his burgundy infinity scarf. Suited her navy blue duffel coat a little more. “It’s colder around these parts,” he said, before adding with a laugh, “Could have prepared, _nee-san_.”

 

He looked up. It might rain.

* * *

Maybe red was the colour of longing. Everything was dyed in flames, vermilion then gold as his eyes witnessed the maple-strewn mountains melting into poplar and elm-addled roads. Despite the familiar silhouettes of the mountains and the hot spring that they went to the first day back, Izumo had shed its green plumage for something gaudier and more melancholic. He shivered some more, now plunging his hands inside the sides of his coat.

 

“You alright?” Rin asked.

 

“Just remembered someone. Would’ve wanted him to see all this.” Now they passed through barren fields and scarlet bushes that glowed almost fuschia.

 

“ _Kochia_ ,” she called them, noticing his averted gaze. “Only appears during the fall.”

 

Ash continues to look on. “Pretty different from summer.”

 

“Got that right. They’re not bushes though, more like herbs. The seeds are for _tonburi,_ ” she offered him her bag of cashews. “After we see Eiji, let’s ask him to show us around until before the Welcoming Ceremony.” Her hand ruffled his head giddily. “And less moping, more eating!”

* * *

 

Ash had three scenarios panning out, ready to roll from his head for his fated rendezvous in the Land of the Gods: The first was during the Kamiarizuki, where Ash would see him in _happi,_ carrying a palanquin to Izumo Taisha. He would end up joining him then, not minding if he’d have to wear the loincloth Blanca wore while dipping himself in the sea. Instead, he would find himself in Inasa-no-Hama beach with the other pilgrims and tourists, _gohei_ in hand, shivering in silence with Eiji’s half-sister. He, like the rest, dared not to utter a sound as the head priest chanted. Halfway through, rain began to pour. They ended up huddling under the gate of a house just a few feet away from the entrance before staying inside the convenience store, completely soaked.

 

Rin’s Japanese greatly contrasted with the old lady manning the store. She was kind enough to give them towels. “She said it’s a shame we wouldn’t be able to come see the gods entering their halls. We should go visit tomorrow, really early though to beat the crowds.”

 

“Pass, been there and I detest people.”

 

“Fine, let’s go somewhere else then…”

 

Ash would be entertained by a pouting Rin after their second tonkatsu from the kind granny. After the rain, the second scenario would come into play.  However, darkness became Ash’s enemy for the first time along with empty waiting sheds. They suffered this time for their spontaneity in their damp clothes. Ash’s bag was more than a hundred kilometres away in his hotel in Tokyo he had reserved until tomorrow evening. Both of them would end up getting lost as well enroute to the Okumura residence because of the lack of light and Ash’s inability to recall the kanji of the street names.

 

Once they did knock on the door and was greeted by a bloodshot Mrs. Okumura, scenario two was not meant to be. Rin’s translation from her words after their long bow wasn’t helpful too:

 

“Eiji hasn’t come home these last four days.”

 

Ash did not touch the teacup laid in front by Eiji’s younger sister. Her hair was shorter and wilder than he remembered. His smile was reciprocated by retreat.

 

“You’re not the only one who thought he’d be present at the _shingetsai._ ”

 

That was enough talking. He gulped his cold tea and stood up.

 

“What are you going?” Rin asked after Ash bowed to Eiji’s mother and little sister before putting on his damp coat. “They said we can stay the night-“

 

“He must be in school,” he said, cueing scenario number three. “Y’know, enjoying his time in the sky-“

 

“He couldn’t be in school,” Rin shook her head.

 

“Is it because of the festival? He can sneak in, I mean-“

 

“It’s because they’re in mourning,” Rin said, looking down. Ash only noticed then that she had not looked at him properly since she talked to Eiji’s mother. “Dad’s dead. We’re a week too late.”

 

* * *

 

“What did you tell them to have us spend the night?” Ash asked Rin, finally sipping hot tea on the dimly lit dining table, enjoying the kotatsu. Everyone else had already retired for the night. Eiji’s family could not recognize him and like the rest of the people he encountered, kept their eyes affixed on him when he wasn’t looking. He was supposed to wear Eiji’s old pyjamas, but had to don his kimono instead. Rin had no problem fitting on Eiji’s Skywalker jumper and jersey shorts, the cold be damned.

 

“They couldn’t resist hot American, that’s all,” Rin said. “Spill. What do you want to know?”

 

He never could beat around the bush with Rin. “How was he around that time?”

 

“Mmm… Normal. Nothing off. Didn’t stray far until the seventh day. Everyone thought he was pretty strong, greeting and giving the eulogy. He cradled his mom during the cremation. No trace of strong emotion whatsoever… I used the word correct, yes?”

 

“Jesus, then where the hell can he be? He could’ve stowed away somewhere… What about his grandma? His friends?”

 

“No news. Everyone’s on edge. No one can do a real manhunt until the ceremony’s over.”

 

“He chose the right time to disappear,” Ash said, pouring more tea in his cup.

 

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking then.”

 

“That’s too morbid,” Ash slammed the cup on the table. “I’ve always seen Eiji as the dutiful eldest, a bigger person –” he paused then. That was the image Ash had cultivated and ended up shattering when he entered that house the second time.

 

“You really think so?” Rin shook her head. “He’s only seventeen, not exactly a man yet—”

 

“I was nine when I had to fend for myself in New York! He’s not a fucking baby.” He lowered his voice to stifle the consciousness of their Samaritans. “I’m fucking seventeen and never asked for another hand—”

 

“You think you know Eiji then just because you met him the first time?”

 

This made Ash pause. “It ain’t like that. I didn’t mean-“

 

“Dumping yourself to be like Eiji when he different. He’s been put on this pedestal, expectations all around. Eldest and only son, pole vaulting star…  You’re like them.”

 

“You’re misunderstanding me-“

 

“You think Eiji is a band-aid, yes? Why you came here to Japan? Just as fucking selfish as the rest of them.”

 

Ash saw red. “And why the hell did you accompany me then?” he said through gritted teeth. “Isn’t that the same with you, to feel good about yourself, for visiting your dad’s second family?”

 

Rin’s cheeks flushed puce. Her eyes were slits. “I haven’t told them any of that. You think I’d do something that cruel when they’re not in the right heads to handle that? Fuck you!” Ash flinched as she stood up. “You are you. Eiji is Eiji. That is all I wanted to say.”

 

She bade him an invective-laden goodnight and quietly slid back the door.

 

* * *

 

Ash couldn’t sleep and ended up meeting Eiji’s mother at the porch after his early bath. Another set of kimonos beside the dresser waited for him to rise.

 

This woman had this look of pure fascination embedded on her features that Ash was getting sick of. Yet he still mumbled thanks and sipped the hot tea she offered. It was still dark out but the flycatchers and warblers were already singing. She then motioned him to follow her under a quilted table, motioning him to fit his legs snugly underneath.

 

“ _Atsui, atsui_ -“ she added in her rough Izumo-ben while they drank more tea. It really felt cosy, their feet touching as he adjusted himself. Ash only nodded, wondering how much info Rin had divulged about him last night.

 

“Reminds me of our place, uh—” God, Westerners and their inability to keep their mouths shut. “My brother—” he motioned his hand above his head to signal someone taller. He had no idea if she’d understand. “He’d always get a fire roaring by late September. Our house was paradise in the summer but a dead zone in winter because the shitty insulation…” he chuckled a little at his poorly done hand signals. “He became my mother, I guess, always bundling me up. Never got a cold. He was also the one who attended parent participation days when my dad was busy with work—” _Or bedding another woman_ , Ash did not add. “Until Vietnam…”

 

Funny, how memories felt like fleeting dreams now. Raindrops suddenly begin falling on his tea and the table. He looked up to check for any leaks in the ceiling but couldn’t find any.

 

The drops poured harder, now on his cheeks. He laughed in embarrassment to the older woman. “Sorry,” he pointed at the ceiling. I can’t find any—”

 

She held his hand with both of hers. Ash then wiped his face. It came in waves. He thought it wouldn’t reach him in Japan, in Eiji’s roof. _What a fool_ , he told himself as he began to sob. He wanted to be strong like Eiji was. Better yet, he wanted to be the stoic and cold-hearted bastard his allies and enemies witnessed in New York. Not like this, especially in front of her.

 

* * *

 

Rin was still not on speaking terms with him after breakfast and while they walked towards the bus station en route to Gakuenji. He will be taking the night train later after having a sneak peek of the kagura dances. Eiji’s little sister had both of them wear kimonos while their clothes dried. Thank fuck Yut Lung wasn’t present else he’ll be having the time of his life poking fun at Ash’s pink clothes. _Not like she knew I was Eiji so—_

“You’re right. Fuck me,” Ash said at Rin who sat in front of him. His eyes flitted out the window and into the beeches and larches that glowed orange across the landscape. “I wanted him to help me forget, or at least lose myself for a little while.” He then laughed. “He’s gonna have a field day becoming my emotional crutch if we had met in Manhattan the first time.”

 

Rin said nothing, her back still turned.

 

“I guess you can say I placed his effigy too highly on top. My friends were saying a lot of good things about him… Eiji had a lot of fans… I shouldn’t have listened to them. Not like we ever did become friends.” Ash kept himself fixated at the view of the Izumo and the surrounding Shimane mountainside on his left. Maybe he wanted Eiji to save him from his worries. He was willing to open his goddamn gate of mistrust to let Eiji and his steed in, his golden blade of selflessness in hand to slay his demons. He wanted his shield of gentleness to cover him from the impending fog of despair, of self-hatred, of trauma. “I’ve forgotten how to lower my expectations; never had the luxury to.”

 

His eyes were watering again. Must be part of the fucking Okumura DNA to reduce him into a bubbling mess.

 

“He’s no god,” Rin said. “And you’re not the only one to blame for thinking that way.”

 

“I know better. I should apologise when I see him-“

 

“You’re not at fault. He’s just good at hiding his scars.”

 

 _You know how those big hearts are. They tend to bear more scars._ Griff’s words made his hairs stand on end.

 

“I also came to see Eiji’s reaction when he finds out he has an American fan,” she said, laughing as her warm eyes met his. “Maybe you do a better job bringing him home.”

 

Ash then stood up and walked on ahead. “Alright, alright, it’s our stop. Gakuenji’s just uphill.” He didn’t want her to see his flushed cheeks.

 

  

* * *

In the end, his sixteenth scenario came into play after they descended the autumn fanned steps of Gakuenji.

It was a faraway hamlet loved by the seasons, autumn’s colors in full glory from the steps up to the main hall showered with a carpet of scarlet and marigold and auburn leaves. Later, they were drizzled by the cold waters of the waterfall when they encountered a wooden building facing the mountainside.

 

“You’re sure you’re not willing to stay until the festival’s over?” Rin said as they squeezed through the throng of pilgrims that suddenly appeared come noon. “Little sis will be giving us the best eel fresh out of Lake Shinji. You might even see Eiji switching for her during the kagura dance if we’re lucky.”

 

“No way in hell is Eiji going to do that,” Ash said and crossed his fingers for the opposite. They now were munching his favourite Izumo rice balls while they ascended down to take the nearest bus to Izumo Taisha. “Plus plane tickets ain’t free. My best mate vouched for my ride.” He might as well remember to help Shorter when Arthur rears his ugly head again for revenge at Eiji’s blunder.

 

Rin was now eating bright red berries as they waited. She picked them from a tree they passed earlier. Ash’s stomach, still needy, rumbled as its owner looked away in disgust.

 

“Are those edible?”

 

“They’re ok. _Nana-kamado_ fruits aren’t for us, but birds like them. Want some?”

 

“ _Nana-kamado_?” Ash asked when they entered the bus. Only an old lady and some kid in a baseball cap with two bundles of firewood were the other passengers, both dozing off two seats to the back. They will then take a second bus just a few steps near the second entrance of the shrine.

 

“Seven times in the stove. We call tree that 'coz it can be used seven times as firewood. Ah, like that one with boy–“

 

Ash was quick to ascend the steps before Rin could finish and approached the boy. He was shaking violently as his sweat-laden hand shook his shoulder to jolt him into consciousness. _He couldn’t be— No fucking way—_

The boy was quick to take of his cap, those familiar eyes widening almost twice than normal at the sight of the American.

 

 _He remembers—_ Ash no longer bothered to care as hot tears fell down. “Hey, you son of a bitch,” he murmured. “ _Mitsuketa.”_

The boy’s eyes did not flicker. “ _Dare… omae?_ ”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Gakuenji](https://www.japanvisitor.com/japan-temples-shrines/gakuenji-temple-shimane)  
>  Almost there :) Thank you for your support.


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